The Rising brand of weakness

A victim mindset is hard to break from. However, once you realize you can shape both your present and future as per your liking just by breaking free from your past, you would prefer not to be a victim.

Goodmorning Planet,

How are you doing today? I am fantastic.

Surprisingly the weather gods appear to be in an exuberant mood. The hot, arid summer breeze has given way to a mild gush of wet winds rich with the smell of freshly tilled land. Nothing beats the intoxicating scent of damp soil, opening her arms to embrace new hungry seeds willing to be infused with pulsating life.

Such minute changes always fill me with new hope of better times. Most of the time, my dreams get crushed, and the results of change are disappointing, yet I never let my expectation of a better day wither and die.

Talking about better days, we have already discussed in detail how we are responsible for not only our growth but also the growth of others around us. A simple act of being responsible spirals our lives upwards along with the lives of our loved ones.

The only hindrance in our path to glory is a victim mindset. It won’t be an exaggeration if we blame all of humanity’s troubles on victim behavior. What concerns me is a sharp rise in the victim mindset over the past decade.

Introduction

Playing a victim is one of the most dangerous games. History has enough proof to substantiate this claim.

The Nazis were few of the earliest to play the victim card. Early in his membership in the Nazi Party, Hitler presented the Jews as behind all of Germany’s moral and economic problems. He blamed “money-grubbing Jews” for all of Weimar Germany’s financial problems. He also drew upon the antisemitic elements of the stab-in-the-back legend to explain the defeat in World War I and to justify their views as self-defense. In one speech, when Hitler asked who was behind Germany’s failed war efforts, the audience erupted with “The Jews.”

The Nazis blamed all of their troubles on the Jews.

The radical feminist blames men for all of her insufficiencies.

After more than 70 years of independence, the intoxicated Indian blames all of their troubles on the colonial Britishers and glorious Mughal emperors.

Dumb Americans consider their incompetency a by-product of immigration. They want their jobs back, which they do not want to do.

The victim mindset is not new behavior. The ancient Romans and the Greeks also displayed similar traits. However, their model was still a little refined than the crude blame game of today’s laypeople.

Ancient civilizations blamed the gods for their failures. They understood that their actions must have shattered ethical and moral framework and worked on ways to be more competent. They, too, relied on odd measures such as sacrifices and wars to please the gods. But at least they did not blame others for their shortcomings. They displayed accountability and ownership, a few of the most desired traits of humanity.

Modern society has a majority of weak and incompetent people who, instead of choosing to be responsible and accountable for their actions, shy away by blaming others for their failures. This will be our topic of discussion for the day.

The rising brand of weakness

A TV reality show is airing. Participants do their best as per their abilities to entertain the audience. The audience response is integral to their success. Like in the gladiator arena, the audience cheers only for the bravest and the courageous. However, the past decade has seen exceptions to this rule of thumb.

Today’s audience is mistaking mirroring weakness as compassion.

After every performance, the participant gets a chance to engage in a ‘soulful’ conversation with the audience to garner their support. Ideally, the participant is supposed to highlight their competencies, such as hours spent under training, how they mastered their craft, what motivates them, their dreams, and aspirations. All of these are crucial elements to be considered for forming a well-informed logical decision of who’s the best.

However, the game has shifted.

Now all of these participants race to influence their audiences emotionally by sharing a heart-wrenching story of poverty and hardship with teary eyes. 

I call foul! 

You cannot use your misery as an excuse for others to like you. Trust me, such liking doesn’t help you in any manner in the long run. It will only garner you temporary favors.

Soon enough, someone else with a more dramatic story will out shadow your tale of suffering, throwing you back to the well-deserved bottom.

Weakness is not a desirable trait. It might get you a few temporary wins, yet you will never taste success in the long run unless you grow more competent.

Imagine I write at the top of my blog: I belong to a destitute family, and I have struggled my whole life. Then I will rope in a few tales about my father’s alcoholism and my mother’s ill temperament. I will also throw in sexual abuse in the mix, which generates a lot of pity. And finally, I would urge you to read my blog because, as you know, I am so ‘miserable.’ Your act of kindness will offer me respite. Now, the weak among you will fall for the gimmick and shower me with support.

You are stronger than you think.

Stay strong, buddy.

We are with you, buddy.

Never give up.

You are beautiful.

My blog comments section will be filled with such a pathetic display of colorful, supportive comments.

The strong among you will still be untouched by the suffering I endured. You will judge me on the basis a writer’s art should be. You will not care a dime about my misery. For you, what would matter will be my writing style, my narrative abilities, my vocabulary, ease of understanding, and my content. The strong are well adjusted emotionally. They understand the importance of competency in judging someone’s skills. They do not fall for emotional drama.

There was a time when emotionally unstable people were considered an anomaly. A person was judged on how better they handle their emotional outbursts. A Viking king sobbing in front of his court members deserved a beheading. A leader can’t be weak. A weak leader will create a dull, immoral society.

History stands witness that even during wars, the brave never engaged in plundering and rape. It was always the weak. Weak waits for rare opportunities such as wars to indulge in deviancies.

It is essential to understand that incompetent people are way more dangerous than others. They are rich in self-loathing enabling whiners around them. They will always have malice behind their actions.

A strong person with high standards of personal excellence threatens the existence of a mediocre individual. The average individual will go to any possible extent to bring the strong down.

Once again, history is filled with such instances – whether it be Julius Ceaser being stabbed 23 times by the weak senators, or Socrates being poisoned.

Before we proceed, please note that incompetent people are treacherous beings. They should never be trusted.

Classic victim behavior in feminism

The radical feminists are the poster girls of vindictive, resentful, incompetent weaklings. Their entire philosophy is based on the illusion that men have an advantage in the world because of the manner our society is structured. They preposterously claim that for eons, men have subjugated women, never offering them an equal opportunity to rise.

No one will deny the fact that women had a terrible disadvantage before the 60s and 70s. This fact remains undisputed.

Yet, the fallacy in the logic is men being responsible for this disadvantage. If women were subjugated by men for so long, how did geniuses like Cleopatra, Mary Shelly, Laxmi Bai, Mother Teresa & Rosa Parks rise to fame? These are just a few examples. History is filled with competent women who held all sorts of positions in the so-called men dominated society. Women were writers, artists, painters, emperors, and pirates. Every possible domain one can think of, able females registered their supremacy.

Before throwing in the victim’s argument of how men have ruined women’s lives, one must introspect. There is no denying that men and women are equal in terms of skills. Any skill which a man can hone, a woman can excel in the same too. Yet, one cannot deny the evident biological differences.

Before the birth control pill took over the world by surprise, women were disadvantaged by mother nature. Childbirth was tough to avoid. A human child takes nine long months to be born. During pregnancy and few years post-pregnancy, females had to depend on men for food & security. Even if they wished to be independent, they didn’t have many options. This dependency could have become toxic and encouraged men to mistreat women.

There are multiple theories about why patriarchy emerged. Patriarchy dictated almost every civilization. Scholars till date are investigating reasons behind a universal acceptance of patriarchy. Until the scientific community reaches a consensus, feminists should at least avoid blatantly blaming men for their suffering. 

In my personal opinion, if feminists really want revenge, they should destroy forests, water bodies, and mountains. They should try hurting mother nature. Men had no role to play in a female’s misery. Men and women equally were scorned by nature for whom an animal is as deserving as a human being.

Women had a lower upper body strength, which made them less effective in hunting. In the hunter’s gather’s setup, a woman was better suited for roles indoors. When society progressed, capable women who choose to work did face initial difficulty, but that’s how change looks like.

Change is tough. Change takes time. Centuries of practice cannot be changed overnight.

If I request you to change your daily routine on a day’s notice, how well will you fare?

Something as simple as changing your waking up time will take you 66 days to master. How can you expect a social change to be implemented overnight?

After the birth control pill, things changed drastically for females. They were quickly integrated into the workplace. In less than 50 years, women are holding topmost senior positions in finance and banking, which were earlier considered to be reserved for pot-bellied cigar-smoking bald men.

Undoubtedly, their journey has been unpleasant. But so is any change, initially. If seen in a historical context, the last 20 years have witnessed a remarkable growth in equality.

Yet, a lot many women still want to play the victim card to hide their incompetency. If you have excellent professional and interpersonal skills, you can survive any boardroom discrimination. Also, discrimination is not limited to women. Men who do not take smoke breaks with their managers are less likely to be considered for senior-level positions. How will you beat this?

Do you want another movement for non-smokers? Do you want non-smokers to blame the smokers for having the upper hand? Will you entertain such claims of discrimination?

No one in their right minds will.

For centuries men and women have held hands together and survived the sufferings of this world. The entire idea of a family is men and women are a single unit responsible for able and competent children.

I used to attend a creative writing class in SACAC, Hauz Khas, New Delhi. After my certification, I organized a few creative writing workshops. The response was overwhelming. Boldened by my newly found success, I approached my instructor for an opportunity of a guest lecturer.

He chose a female instead of me.

I trusted his judgment. I realized in his eyes, or in reality, the said female was more competent for the position.

I could have easily played a victim role.

I could have claimed elderly men give more opportunities to females. They don’t judge people by their skills but rather than looks.

I could have gone more ugly. I could have shouted discrimination. I could have easily concocted compelling stories twisting a few facts to substantiate my claims.

I chose not to. Because I know I am a competent individual. If I didn’t get the position I wanted, it means I need to work on my skills. She must have been more skilled than me.

This is a sheer fact feminists are ignorant of. Yes, there will always be people who would discriminate. Fight for equality is a never-ending battle. Yet, instead of blaming your inadequacies, if you are blaming the system, you have already lost. You are not willing to invest more time to hone your craft, and you have turned negative. A negative mindset is a toxic mindset. Toxic people are harmful both for themselves and for the people around them.

If you are a feminist, I will request you to edit your narrative and include that everyone is discriminated in some manner or other. The only way to battle discrimination is by being more capable, not by blaming others.

Raising your voice against discrimination is a necessity. But before doing so, at least read a little of the history and get your facts straight.

Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, these legends did not fight discrimination with ignorance and false claims. They fought discrimination with facts, with knowledge, with competence.

Victim Behavior Among Obese People

Obesity is on the rise. Every corner is filled with delicious mouth-watering treats. These treats are laden with unwanted calories. An unhealthy diet clubbed with a poor lifestyle is making people fat.

To my utter disgust, a hashtag has recently started trending. George Floyd’s murder has risen people to unite for racial equality. #Blacklivesmatter is a way to show solidarity for victims of racial justice. However, this hashtag has been morphed as #fatlivesmatter.

I am all pro-life—every life matters, including those of animals and insects. And yes, fat lives matter too. Many people are suffering from obesity due to thyroid disorders and diabetes, to name a few. They should not be mistreated. For that matter, no one should be mistreated.

Yet this devastating new trend is exceptionally toxic.

If you cannot bear the burden of taking care of yourself and end up getting obese, how is it the world’s fault? The world always rates people in terms of attractiveness. Research on the halo effect reveals our cognitive bias towards attractive individuals. If a confident, squared jaw able-bodied person claims something, it will be listened to with more ardency in comparison to the same words being spoken by an unattractive speaker.

So what’s the goal here?

Are we planning for another social reform to eliminate every sort of cognitive bias human beings have?

Just for the record, it is impossible. It cannot be done.

Our psyche is structured in a manner to include cognitive biases. Yogis achieving nirvana also have a tough time steering around their prejudices. How would a layperson accomplish this?

Obese women blame attractive females for setting unrealistic standards for beauty. I admire beauty. Beauty is food for my soul. Beauty, for me, is not limited to physical attributes. Every complexity aligned with order is beautiful.

Trigonometry is beautiful. So is geometry.

Music is beautiful, so is poetry.

Yet, I despise fat people. The idea that someone cannot make time for their physical self whose whole purpose is to experience this rewarding life is disheartening.

If allowed to rate someone who does yoga, workout, and is extremely fit and a couch potato, I will definitely evaluate the attractive person higher. Now, how is it bias?

When we are talking about physical attractiveness, a fat person is bound to lose. They will get fewer options for finding a suitable mate. It is evolutionary. We all like to spend time with attractive people, provided they are good-natured human beings as well, that goes without saying.

On the other hand, if I have to rate someone’s work skills, then obviously, I won’t be haloed. If a fat person has better managerial skills, I will choose them over an attractive person.

Instead of blaming the world for their inadequacy in maintaining their physical self, fat people should probe inward to start a journey on the path of fitness. The world will include you, surely. You won’t be left out, but in this lifetime, you cannot change the world view about fitness. Physical fitness is an attractive quality and will always remain so.

Victim Behavior among Drug addicts

I have paid my dues when it comes to addiction. I suffered from chronic substance abuse disorder.

Even today, whenever I go out partying with my friends, there’s always an oddball who insists on me drinking. I try to make people understand I no longer enjoy getting intoxicated, especially the kind of high which alcohol induces.

The young, vibrant guys try to tease me by making assumptions that I probably don’t handle alcohol well. My response always is, if I start drinking, the bar will get empty. They laugh and then move on.

What they fail to realize is the brazen truth behind my words. There was a time I was so fascinated with alcohol, I used to survive on it. Beer, whiskey, and scotch were like breakfast, lunch, and dinner for me. I used to drink 12 pints with one potato. I have lived such periods periodically in my life. The substances used to change, but the lifestyle remained the same.

When my liver gave up, I substituted alcohol with weed. When my lungs gave up, I replaced weed with cocaine. When my nostrils gave up, I was about to move towards my veins. Luckily, the universe intervened to mend my ways. Else I would not be alive to share this anecdote with you.

I have a pattern of behavior. Whenever I begin something, I make sure I see it to the end, whether it be pleasant experiences like workout, bicycling, and reading or bad habits such as procrastination, unhealthy eating habits, and substance abuse.

This – go all the way or don’t even start – strategy has helped me a lot. It has made things a lot easier for me. I abuse stuff to the core, which in turn makes me hate harmful activities. I am not recommending this strategy to you, but yes, for the record, it does work.

Drug addiction is definitely a growing concern for humanity. Earlier it was difficult to find a drug to abuse. There wasn’t an abundance. Now the spectrum has shifted. Every 3rd person you meet can hook you up with a peddler. Movies and television have glorified smoking, drinking, and drugs to such an extent that clumsiness has become the new cool and discipline is frowned upon.

You can do an experiment. 

Go visit a college. 

Gather a few students and ask them their plans for the weekend. 

9 out of 10 will share their plans to party. One loner will tell how he plans to fix his room as it is at present unorganized.

Compare the hooting for the nine and the booing of the one.

The tables have turned.

Cool people do drugs till they lose everything and become uncool.

While uncool people work hard till they become prosperous and then they are termed cool again.

Undoubtedly drug addiction is mostly not a choice. It is a means to escape from a traumatic past and an uncertain future. Kids with unresolved childhood issues are more prone to turn to addiction than those with a healthy family and nurturing upbringing.

Research studies indicate, if a lab rat is kept in isolation, it chooses cocaine over food. However, when the same rat is united with other rats, he gets back to his usual ways. He prefers to do rat things over drugs.

This changes everything we know about addiction.

This clearly indicates if we can create a purposeful life, our psyche will choose to invest energy in productive activities rather than stay hooked to substances.

I personally transformed my life by finding meaning in my day to day activities, so I can vouch this shit works.

Drug addicts must revisit their flawed narratives about their misery.

Once again, I am not nullifying your pain or suffering. I am deeply empathetic to all the bad experiences which push one towards addiction. But the question remains the same. What will we do about it?

We can’t give up on life and tap out.

Yes, we are a by-product of our surroundings. 

Yes, childhood abuse and trauma are responsible for our irrational behavior.

However, for how long will we play the victim card.

Today if someone dies of addiction, they are not only going against the default human nature, which insists we must survive, but they are also adding more misery to their loved ones.

If you can’t induce happiness in other people’s lives, at least don’t be a reason for their sorrows. Least one could do.

Addiction can be fought with the right set of habits.

You will need to restructure your life.

It will be difficult, but it is doable.

Considering yourself as a victim of surroundings and circumstances will get you nowhere.

Victim behavior among Nihilists

I love nihilists. It takes balls to be one.

A nihilist believes that life is meaningless and has rejected all moral and religious principles. I admire nihilists because it is the first step towards finding our true selves.

One cannot restructure their life without wrecking it first. Only when you have destroyed yourself, you can rebuild a healthier self. Every age-old structure must be brought down to create a better version.

Nihilists have a unique narrative. They believe because life has no meaning, any action they take is meaningless. This philosophy helps them escape the drudgery of life. However, they pay a massive price for the same.

A nihilist would not even wake up because what’s going to change – nothing!

At many levels, nihilists are absolutely correct. At least they are wiser than those who fancy a false utopian narrative, which claims riches and success can make people happy. Nihilists are way ahead on the curve.

The only fault with their way of thinking is the sheer fact that their lifestyle increases their misery. We have already established multiple times in the past that life is endless misery. Our goal is to do our best to minimize it.

Imagine this – you and your wife split up. Shit happens! People whom we used to love more than our life turn into bloodthirsty monsters. Getting away from them remains the only choice.

Now even after splitting up, you and your wife can choose to remain friends so that you can provide a nurturing platform for your kids to grow, or you can prefer to continue fighting for the rest of your life and poison your kids’ minds with toxicity.

We all get a choice to minimize misery or transform misery into a living hell.

Imagine your mother dies. Death of a loved one, especially mother, is the most dreadful experience in an adult’s life. What could be worse than it?

Hold on!

There’s an endless amount of crazy in the world.

You can add more misery to your mother’s funeral. Imagine you and your siblings fighting over our dead mother’s grave about sharing the leftover estate. This action will then transform misery into a living hell.

This is what nihilists do.

They transform their already miserable lives into hell.

I empathize with nihilists. I have spent close to 4-5 years being one. But sadly, nihilism resolves nothing.

A nihilist’s worldview claims life is truly meaningless, so why try. They consider themselves cheated by religion and institutions, peddling happiness.

Get a job, and you will be happy.

Get married, and enjoy life.

Get uber-rich and stay in bliss.

Kids will add meaning to your life.

Charity will uplift you.

I call bullshit!

Indeed, external experiences alone cannot improve the quality of our life. Nihilists have figured it out.

However, instead of attempting to minimize misery by constructive actions, nihilists choose to debase their existence on the pretext that they have been cheated by the universe.

As appealing as it sounds, nihilism is not a very enriching lifestyle.

Instead of being a victim of surroundings, nihilists should work to uplift themselves from a state of misery towards a state of flow induced by creative activities. Life is too precious to waste, puking, and shitting on the bed.

Victim behavior among Indian nationalists

This is a brand new shit. In the past 6 years, Indian right-wing fanatics have woven a unique victim narrative.

An Indian right-wing fanatic, referred to as “Bhakth,” has a unique explanation for their inadequacies.

As we have seen, victim behavior is prevalent in almost all aspects of life. Yet, these nationalists have set new benchmarks of idiosyncrasy.

Feminists blame men.

Addicts blame society.

Nihilists blame the universe.

Each one of them mostly chooses to blame a single entity.

These right-wing nationalists have more than a bunch to blame.

They begin by blaming their miseries on Muslims. We all know Muslim invaders captured parts of India in the past and committed atrocities of war, similar to any enemy force of the time. What needs to be noted is these 21st-century people blame 15th-century invaders who chose to be a part of our country and contributed heavily to education, knowledge, architecture, and culture.

If left to these fanatics, they will destroy every single magnificent monument built by legendary Mughal emperors.

The shit doesn’t end here.

If the Muslim narrative doesn’t suit their cause, they move on to the colonial forces.

As with most of the countries, India, too, was captured, plundered, and had her share of misery inflicted by British colonial forces. So if there is some evil which cannot be blamed on to Muslims, it goes towards colonial rulers.

I wish the shit ends there, but sadly it doesn’t.

If Muslims and Britishers do not fill the vacuum, then comes the previous ruling party and their prime ministers.

The current PM Modi is always quick to blame every quicksand on Pt. Jawahar Lal Nehru, who died in 1964. It’s been 56 years since Nehru’s demise, yet he is still being blamed for miseries of 21 century.

Taking a notch ahead, the current home minister Amit Shah blamed the opposition for poor handling of COVID-19 and migrant crisis. He accepted the ruling party’s failure in properly handling the situation, but was quick to blame the opposition and questioned them for their role. This has happened for the first time in history that a ruling party is blaming the opposition for their personal failures.

Similarly, anything worth discussing is blamed on either Pakistan or China.

I understand that the actions of a few Muslim invaders were inhuman.

Colonial forces plundered almost every nation equally.

But what are we gaining by blaming forces which have no role to play in the existing spectrum.

India should get more responsible and strong. Blaming others for failures will only make Indians more inapt to deal with future global issues and crises to follow.

The easiest way to deal with personal failure is to shift the blame on someone else.

The right way is to act responsibly and be accountable.

I hope these fanatics do a little introspection and break free from the victim loop. Otherwise, the future appears pretty bleak for Indians.

How to escape victim behavior

If you wish to achieve success or tranquility in life, you will need to shed your victim cloak and be responsible.

You are responsible for your failures.

You are responsible for your mistakes.

You are responsible for your misery.

You are responsible for your suffering.

Any good that ever happened to you was a chance of luck.

Every awful experience you went through was entirely your fault.

I totally understand that murder, rape, honor killings, and similar heinous crimes cannot be the fault of a victim. However, it is essential to interpret words in the right manner.

Even if you are a rape victim, you cannot hold a grudge against your perpetrator for the rest of your life. Such behavior is toxic and will do no good to either you or your loved ones.

Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years. On his first day, he was asked to dig a grave for himself and then lie down. While he lay down, the guards took turns and urinated on him. This humiliating act was supposed to break his spirits.

Upon his release 27 years later, Mandela was appointed the first president of South Africa. All those guards were terrified. They feared Mandela will take his revenge. Instead, Mandela invited one of those former jailers to his inauguration dinner to forgive him for his misdeeds.

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

 ― Nelson Mandela

We all experience and witness trauma. Most people who are admired for their strong will realized their strength in times of adversity. I am not claiming bad things happen to you, so you could get better. However, it is easier to cope with misery if you choose to get stronger and identify ways to improve yourself rather than looking for options to shift the blame on external forces.

It is not easy to be responsible. A victim mindset is hard to break from. However, once you realize you can shape both your present and future as per your liking just by breaking free from your past, you would prefer not to be a victim.

Imagine a child who has been failing in studies since he took his first exam. It doesn’t matter how hard he studies, whenever he appears for a written test, his past experiences overwhelm him. Despite his best efforts, he fails again.

If the same child changes his domain and appears for a new exam because he is aware this is the first time he’s attempting it, he will have no qualms. Even if he doesn’t give his 100%, he’s more likely to succeed.

This is the sole reason many individuals claim a better quality of life after taking psychedelics. Psychedelics reset our neural pathways. Every past experience, which was robustly imprinted in our psyche, is loosened. Psychedelics loosen the grip of past on us, freeing us from unwanted guilt, shame, and remorse. We are free to begin fresh.

I am not asking you to use psychedelics to improve yourself. However, we need to embrace a strategy to break free from the past.

How to break free from the victim mindset

I played a victim for long. Nothing ever worked out for me. I suffered from sexual abuse as a child, which I then used to justify my impulsiveness and addictive behavior.

I grew up in an uncooperative society, which I used to justify my contempt for social practices and institutions such as marriage, family, and tightly knit communities.

I was raised by religious parents. Very few people understand profound religious texts which are open to interpretation. Sadly every sacred text has been misinterpreted by ignorant bigots. I used this as an excuse to justify my nihilism and nihilism as an excuse for procrastination.

There is always a good reason to justify our failures. There is always a decent excuse to blame our failures on others. The only flaw with this approach is you won’t move ahead in life. If you are stagnant on a planet rotating at the speed of 1,000 miles per hour, you might very well be dead instead. There’s no point in staying where you are for the rest of your life.

The solution

It is essential to claim your true self. Restructure your life in such a manner that gives you total control over your choices. Instead of embracing life as it comes, you must create life as per your liking.

These simple steps can help you shed your victim’s skin and emerge as a winner.

  • Set Goals
  • Be Responsible
  • Restructure your life with the right habits (Discipline)
  • Stay in control
  • Make conscious choices

Set Goals

Goal setting is the first step towards constructing an autotelic personality. Lack of well-defined goals promotes procrastination & anxiety.

Once you have set well-defined goals, you must track them regularly.

Every daily relevant action must help you get closer to your long-term goal.

My goal in life is to help the mentally ill because I suffered from mental illness for more than 30 years.

Every action I take is in sync with this goal.

My content, my routine, my conversations, my consumption – all of these contribute towards my final goal.

I am intensely involved in the pursuit of my goal, leaving no room for stray thoughts.

Even when I encounter an issue in which I could easily play a victim and blame circumstances and others, I choose not to, considering the amount of wasted time and energy in constructing such a narrative. I immediately take responsibility and identify ways to ensure similar incidents do not get repeated in the future.

I write daily journals tracking my daily progress, which keeps me vested.

Alternatively, I can stick to my previous nihilist self and embrace addiction while blaming society and an unfair world for my misery. However, such an approach will not get me any closer to my goal. Therefore goal setting is an excellent way to get rid of the victim mindset.

Set long term goals.

Break them into micro-goals.

Strategize

Track your progress.

Learn from your failures.

Update your strategy

Be Responsible

You are responsible for your physical self, mental wellness, professional obligations, personal obligations, learning curve, time, energy, expectations of your loved ones, your community, and your society. In a nutshell, you are responsible for every piece of matter you interact with in your day to day life.

If your colleagues are not meeting their targets, it is your responsibility not only to complete their deficit but also to help them come up the learning curve.

If you see someone throwing garbage on the street, it is your responsibility to pick it up and place it in a dustbin.

You can get upset and blame the other person or your government, but this approach won’t change the situation at hand. However, if you pick up the garbage and put it in a bin, the problem will be solved.

If you want to be a pro in being responsible, then go ahead and install additional dustbins in your locality. Take it a notch further and pool in some like-minded people. Organize street plays and educate others about hygiene practices.

Complaining and blaming others doesn’t really solve anything. Taking initiatives does. Only a responsible person can take initiatives. Get responsible, dude!

Restructure your life with the right habits (Discipline)

Once you have set goals and start acting responsibly, you must reorganize your life. If you have been working as a victim for long, the chances of you being indisciplined are very high. It is essential to practice a disciplined lifestyle to ensure your personality stays in order. Indiscipline promotes chaos. A chaotic self prefers to act like a victim. Needless to repeat, a victim goes nowhere. Even a snail goes places.

Start with waking up early. That’s the first step.

Include healthy habits in your daily routine, such as cardio workout, reading, meditation, yoga, and fasting.

One by one, quit your bad habits such as watching porn, binge-watching, eating unhealthy food, procrastination, and substance abuse.

Stay in control

Once you have incorporated healthy habits in your routine, you will get an urge to practice cheat days.

It has been three years since I started practicing healthy living. Every week or so, I get this intense craving to eat donuts or just spend my days binge-watching and getting wasted.

In the first year, I guess I used to give in to the temptation, twice every month.

The second year, with firm determination, I brought this frequency down to once a month, and this year, in the past six months, I have only failed 3 times.

You must understand we have old victim neural pathways still intact in our brains. An ounce of stimulation is sufficient to send us back walking on the same roads. Therefore, it is essential to stay in control all the time.

Daniel Kahneman, in his celebrated book – “Thinking fast and slow”, has explained two modes of thought: “System 1” is fast, instinctive, and emotional; “System 2” is slower, more deliberative, and more logical.

It is of prominent importance we do not blindly follow the thoughts which come to our mind when exposed to a known trigger of a bad habit. We must take a step back. Take some time to utilize system 2 to ensure we are making rational decisions.

Every time a smoker asks me – do I want to smoke? My system 1 wants to say yes, instantly. But I simply say, give me a minute, let me check my schedule. During that minute, I quickly run myself through the list of reasons which made me quit smoking. Aging is the most prominent reason. I love youth and beauty. I want to be surrounded by young and beautiful people for the rest of my life. If I have drooping eyelids, frown lines, and forehead wrinkles, I am positive they won’t enjoy my company as much as when I am an energetic, passionate, attractive writer. So after a minute, I refuse my colleague’s invitation for a smoke break. I know my goals. And I stay in control for the sake of them.

Make conscious choices

There are two ways to lead your life. The first one is going with the flow. You start working a job, you make a friend, the friend quits the job, you see this as a sign from the universe, you too quit the job and follow your friend’s footsteps. This might be a crude example, but this is a prevalent culture.

I know of a friend who met me and started smoking up. He then met a German woman practicing minimalist living. He began to do the same.

He then met some Goan singers. He began acting like a groupie.

Recently he met someone from the Sadhguru (a fake Indian spiritual leader) gang of hooligans. Now he is working on some Satyug (Golden Age) Project.

Due to a lack of clarity around their goals, countless people embrace life as it comes.

Others chose their next steps after thoughtful consideration.

There is no way to tell which approach works the best. You must try both the path to see which one is more satisfying for you. My experience has taught me to always make conscious choices. I prefer making my own mistakes and learning from them. You can either blame yourself or someone else. I choose to blame myself.

However, it takes practice to learn conscious decision making. If you have acted like a victim for long, you might want to try a blend of both. Go with the flow with small decisions that don’t impact your life much, such as choosing where to go out on the weekend, which songs to listen to, things to buy for home. And make conscious choices about people you want to hang out with. The art you plan on buying. Authors you choose to read. Influencers you decide to follow. As you get better, so will your decision making.

Final Word

Each one among us has experienced oppression of some sort or the other. We all deal with our own set of issues. 

The rich have their problems, so does the poor.

A sober person deals with unwanted emotions, so does an addict. 

It’s a harsh world out there for men and a horrible life for women. 

Atheists are as messed up as religious fanatics.

We all are beautifully flawed. 

To create a fulfilling life, we need to stop blaming external factors and introspect. Being responsible for our actions and the people around us is a good start. 

Hope this helped!

I would request you to share this essay on your social media if you liked it. You are free to accept or deny my request.

See you next week with another novel, fresh, and exciting topic.

Leave comments and suggestions. I need them to improve. 

What are your thoughts on Victim Behavior? 

Why do nice guys finish last?

If you believe that your kind and loving attitude will help you qualify for the big boys club, you are profoundly mistaken. Nice, kind, loving, caring, empathetic, sensitive – all of these are default settings. Being nice doesn’t make you unique.

Good morning planet,

How are we this lovely morning?

I am fantastic!

What delights me the most is our intimate conversations about human excellence.

We have covered a lot so far in the previous essays.

We have understood how to deal with mental health issues.

We have explored the benefits of acting responsibly.

We have analyzed the impact of sleep and diet on our performance.

We have deduced the benefits of reading and writing.

We have realized the importance of listening.

Taking things forward today, we will discuss an essential human trait – kindness.

A lot of us, when face to face with a calamity, ask either ourselves or a supreme being – Why me?

Why am I going through so much of trouble in my life?

I am a good person.

I have always been kind to others.

Why did my girlfriend leave me for a jerk?

Why doesn’t my wife respect me?

Why was I not awarded a promotion?

Why is the world so insensitive to me?

Why don’t people take me seriously?

Why don’t my kids listen to me?

Why am I bullied?

Why me?

Why me?

Why the fuck me?

I am so nice, always!

Trigger Warning: The content ahead is too honest. Please proceed if you can handle the truth. You have been warned!

As much as I want to sugar coat things for you, this is something that cannot be expressed with mitigated speech. I need to be blunt. If that hurts your feelings, be it.

The first step in creating a better life is self-realization.

You need to realize that you must make changes in your personality. With your current outlook towards the world, you are not best suited with the optimal qualities which can improve your life.

This self-realization needs to stem from within, without any influence from an outer body.

If I tell you today, that you suck, that won’t make much of a difference. You need to realize that you suck.

Hopefully, by the end of today’s essay, you will realize what you lack and begin your journey on the path of self-improvement.

First of all, if you consider yourself nice, it means you are agreeable. You haven’t yet formed your own opinions. You are just a yes man!

A yes man is a weak man.

If you believe that your kind and loving attitude will help you qualify for the big boys club, you are profoundly mistaken.

Nice, kind, loving, caring, empathetic, sensitive – all of these are default settings.

Being nice doesn’t make you unique.

It doesn’t make your more qualified.

It doesn’t make you more appealing.

Kindness has nothing to do with attractiveness.

Niceness is not the measure of your abilities.

If you see a dog and pet him, that doesn’t translate into success.

If you buy your girlfriend expensive stuff, that isn’t an indication of your love or respect. Maybe you are trying to buy her love. Perhaps you are so insecure that you think presents are the only way to secure her love. You are so high in self-loathing that you know someday she would leave you. You are trying your best to delay that inevitable outcome.

You must have heard about Pablo Escobar. He was one of the first drug entrepreneurs. He terrorized the DEA for more than ten years. He was responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent people. In this context, responsible means, the kill order came directly from him.

Not from his organization.

Not from his associates.

But from him!

Once upon a time, Escobar, while escaping authorities, found himself trapped in the cold with his sick daughter. He had no means to keep his daughter warm. All he had was millions of dollar bills. He started burning those. He flashed dollar bills worth millions in a single night to keep his daughter warm.

Now that’s kindness. Will you not agree?

You might claim that he was one of the wealthiest people on the planet; money didn’t mean shit for him. Yet, see this from a father’s perspective. He did all he could to keep his daughter warm when she needed it.

If that’s not kindness, then I don’t know what is!

This is a man being nice to his children.

You can’t get any sweeter than that.

If a barbaric, homicidal maniac like Escobar can be gentle when needed, what makes you so special. You are just an ordinary fellow who has no capacity for violence. Being nice is your default setting. Why do you expect to be treated differently if you do not have anything out of the ordinary to offer?

There’s an old poetry by a renowned Hindi poet Ramdhari Singh Dinkar which I studied during my formative years. These lines got imprinted in my mind.

क्षमा शोभती उस भुजंग को जिसके पास गरल है

उसका क्या जो दंतहीन विषरहित विनीत सरल है

Translation: Forgiveness suits a venomous snake, not a toothless, spineless, simple-minded fucker!

Jordan Peterson says the same in different words.

“A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control.”

JBP

You do not assign the security of your home to rabbits. You entrust it to dogs, ferocious dogs who will rip the intruder’s throat. You trust them because these are not mad dogs. These are loyal dogs.

A weak person is not a loyal person by choice. He’s loyal because he has no other option. He must be loyal or face dire consequences. He is acting faithful, driven by fear.

A strong person makes a choice. He is not scared shitless. He has the capacity for violence. He has the capacity for evil. If he chooses to follow someone, he does it out of his own will, either because he’s inspired by the leader or out of internal motivations. But he isn’t doing it out of fear. He is making a choice.

If you consider yourself nice and yet you fail a lot, it is a possibility that you are stuck in the victim mindset. Before we move forward, you must write this down on a piece of paper and stick it in front of your study table.

The world owes me nothing.

No one owes me anything.

I don’t deserve shit.

I need to earn my place.

I am no longer in the past.

I need to create my victories.

No one is going to handover success.

I am not what happened to me.

I am what I choose to become.

I will become the best version of myself.

This ‘why me’ mentality is toxic. It is a cognitive bias. You have a presupposition that awful things shouldn’t happen to you. Just because you have a default setting of being nice and kind, no harm should come your way.

I hope you are aware that Jesus was the son of god.

I am positive you know what happened to him.

Jesus was a miracle worker literally. He created miracles. He was the human embodiment of kindness. Ideally, by the culturally acceptable definition of nice men, he was the nicest of em all!

They nailed him to a cross and executed him.

He was the son of the god, for fuck’s sake.

He had the right to say – why me father!

But he chooses not to.

Instead, he pleaded forgiveness for his captors from god.

Jesus, being the son of the god, was tortured to death. Yet, he held no ill-will.

Ever wondered why?

Well, he wasn’t only nice. He was also a strong person. He knew the world is filled with apple orchards and snake pits. Our actions lead us to one or the other. He was a strong person. Countless weak, flawed, spineless maggots feared his glory. Crucification, murder, rape, riots are what so-called nice (weaklings) individuals do when they feel threatened. They breed resentment and hatred. They will go to any extent to hurt whom they dislike.

This fact of life is what you are oblivious of if you consider yourself nice. You are as non-deserving as the person next to you. Your competency will make you efficient and worthy, not your compassion.

A famous ancient text in India reflects upon few strategies to get your way with people, institutions, hierarchies, and complex social structures.

It talks about – Saam Daam Dand Bhed (साम, दाम, दंड, भेद), which translates to –

Saam: This translates to flattering or appeasement. When things do not go our way, we can always try to smooth talk to obtain desired results.

Daam: This indicates monetary benefits. If mere words are not fulfilling your goals, you can always buy the other person.

Dand: This contemplates punishment. You can threaten the other person to subside your way.

Bhed: This is threatening. If nothing works, you will politely make the other person understand that this might be the last day for their loved ones.

You get the gist.

These methods were taught by ancient sages to rulers and emperors so that they can manage procedural complexity attached to running a realm efficiently.

None of them suggests you be nice and rollover.

If you are extra nice to people, you might want to reflect inside and identify which nasty part of yourself are you trying to hide with this bullshit. Furthermore, you should speak to that shadow of yours. Understand his motivations and drive. Tame him.

You can’t ignore your insufficiencies with the excuse that the world is an ugly place, and you, only you, are nice. Everyone else is an asshole.

You must have heard about the book of knowledge – Gita.

Gita is a spiritual text. It, in its entirety, talks about consciousness, soul, the human spirit, and how to discover a higher purpose. Surprisingly this profound non-violent text was narrated by a king named Krishna to a warrior named Arjun during a devastating battle.

Arjun’s family considered themselves true heirs to the throne, which was in the control of their cousins. In order to win back the disputed kingdom, Arjun must slaughter his brothers. A critical situation like this can make any sane person a little reluctant. Arjun was battling his mind about the consequences in the middle of a war zone. That’s when Krishna intervened and poured an endless stream of wisdom in which Arjun basked to glory.

Even a profound text like Gita, which preaches peace and tranquility, advises means to achieve nirvana, was brought to light during a violent conflict.

Aggression, violence, and kindness need to go hand in hand.

You must be aggressive in the pursuit of your goals.

Being docile will not lead you to greatness.

A cow can’t hunt.

A cow is sent to a slaughterhouse where she doesn’t even put up a fight.

A cow is nice.

A lion, on the other hand, is the king of the jungle.

Even a captured lion is regarded as a treasure.

It takes balls to tame a lion.

That’s why it is respected and feared even inside a cage.

A cow is never feared.

I am not asking you to intimidate weak people.

I am requesting you to be competent.

You must possess the ability to stand in front of a bully.

You must have the physical strength to put up a fight if life throws one at you.

You must have the mental strength to navigate stressful times.

Only being nice will not lead you to glory.

Mahatma Gandhi was nice.

He was also a warrior.

Everytime oppressors beat him down, he came back again.

He broke the spirit of his oppressors without even raising a finger.

That’s a unique form of bravery.

That isn’t plain niceness.

When Britishers subjugated him and India, he didn’t complain to other countries. He took a firm stand. Believed in himself. United people and inspired the masses to rise.

Every achiever is a dangerous person. They battle their demons and adverse circumstances daily. They are not some whiny bitch who blame their failures on circumstances. They rise above the bullshit, learn from their failures to destroy every obstacle between them and their goals.

Before we talk about achievers, it is crucial to understand how this victim mindset stems.

A tit-sucker or a newborn baby, as the decent folks might say, sees the mother as an object. He assumes that he is training his mother to provide him gratification. Whenever a tit-sucker is hungry, he yells and cries, throws mood swings. The mother then comes running, offering him a pair of boobs. The tit-sucker comprehends this phenomenon as a ground of possession. He thinks that the whole purpose of the mother is to provide him with what he wants.

The mother becomes an object of pleasure.

Now, if on a given day, the mother is not available or delays the gratifying response anticipated by the tit-sucker, he gets mad. The tit-sucker throws a fit of anger. Even when he is starving, the tit-sucker tries to enact revenge. When the mother offers her boobs, the baby bites her. The tit-sucker is more concerned about the power dynamic than hunger pangs.

Now, I am still studying how the female brain functions, so I don’t have examples for the ladies. But, this same behavior is translated by men in the later ages.

We all are aware that after break-ups, a majority of men leak private pictures and videos of their girlfriends. A lot many distribute the phone numbers of their girlfriends on social media so that trolls could harass her.

Men go to terrible extents when they feel rejected.

Weak men assume that women are their property. Unlike abusive men, they do not exploit the women during relationship. However, once the female tries to break free, all hell breaks loose. Weak men act like an agitated tit-sucker, meticulously planning ways to hurt their ex.

And these are mostly nice men. They can’t handle rejection.

These are men who love their women more than others could. At least that’s what they think in their head. They consider themselves loving, caring, and supportive. However, that’s not the case.

Feeble men and women never deal with their emotions. They escape confronting conversations that are essential in a healthy relationship. Now and then, couples fight to resolve their issues. This is not a flawed approach but rather an effective strategy. Disputes are essential and unavoidable. If two people are together, they will have conflicts. There is no workaround.

Feeble men and women act nicely even during conflicts, feeding themselves a faulty narrative that they are acting nice out of love. That is never the case. They avoid conflicts because they are not apt to pursue honest conversations. They have sugarcoated things their entire life. The very idea of conflict makes them shiver. Their brain goes into a panic mode. Instead of resolving issues, they only focus on diffusing it temporarily in an attempt to avoid a loud conversation.

All this while they are under the impression that they are nice, that’s why they avoid conflicts.

However, in reality, they are weak; that’s why they avoid disputes.

You will mostly see weak individuals throw emotional tantrums because they have nothing concrete or factual to add to a dispute.

Weak men and women will argue with leads such as:

I have been so helpful to you. Why are you mean to me?

Do you not love me anymore?

I have done so much for you, why are you behaving this way.

Please don’t fight with me. I can’t take this anymore.

I am sorry, please forgive me.

Please, pay attention to the phrases mentioned above.

None of them offer any sort of solution. Each of them is only meant to appeal to the emotional side of the other person. The bottom line of such sentences is the belief of the weak person that they do not deserve a stern treatment because they are nice.

Please understand that I am not asking you not to be kind. I am asking you to balance your niceness with toughness. That’s the recipe for being successful in life, relationships and all you do.

Consider your life a game.

If you are nice, you are a beginner stuck in Stage 1. You will need to be tough to beat the boss and get to Stage 2. Every stage is more complicated than the last one.

Nice people stay in the first stage for the entirety of their lives.

You need balls to fight your fears and move to the next level.

Do you think you and Elon Musk are playing the same game?

Do you think Robin Sharma is in level 1?

Do you think Jeff Bezos is even playing?

These masters have unlocked bonus stages for themselves.

They are highly competitive, goal-oriented individuals shaping the world for a better tomorrow.

Robin Sharma is a very kind person.

So are Elon and Jeff.

But they have the capacity of evil inside them, which they have conquered. These are not angry warriors running around creating havoc, high on testosterone. These are methodical, meticulous geniuses. They are nice when it is needed. They are also highly combative when it is need of the hour.

Being nice will not make you successful.

Fuck niceness!

Niceness doesn’t pay bills.

A rapist will not leave your sister because you are nice.

A scoundrel will not return your money out of pity for you.

Your partner will not stay with you forever because of your kind attitude.

Kindness is a must. But it alone cannot help you much.

I am in charge of 12 people. If they make errors, I give them stern feedback and track their improvement. I can’t improve people by showering them with rose petals. At times a strict approach is essential.

The so-called friendly people hate those who can act decisively when needed. They resent achievers because such individuals make them feel inadequate.

If you or someone among your friends and family are stuck in such a mindset, you must coach them about reality.

Being nice will not take you anywhere. Being competent and responsible will!

You might want to read this before moving to the next section!

Do You have what it takes to be responsible?

I was born in a small town called Muzaffarpur in Bihar. We were the only middle-class family among a colony filled with rich folks!

During my formative years, I experienced a lot of bullying.

I was sexually abused on multiple occasions.

Those days kids did not talk about rape. If it happened, they had to bear the trauma themselves. I had nobody to talk to. I isolated myself, found recluse in books.

As I grew, I became more socially inept. I was an anxious tiny male who hated himself the most. Yet, in my eyes, I was virtuous, nice, and kind.

I didn’t have the capacity even to defend myself when bullied.

I thought of myself as a practitioner of non-violence.

Little did I know, that I was just a rabbit with no claws to defend myself from wolves.

It is essential to stand up to bullies, not to give in to them.

I got abused, beaten, bullied, made fun of, yet I endured all of that.

Trauma, if not appropriately processed, becomes a part of you.

I and my trauma got entwined in my personality.

I lacked confidence.

My posture was hunched.

I spoke meekly.

Never challenged authority.

Always expected people to be nice.

I was like this for at least 25 years of my life before I started working on myself, one step at a time.

I specifically remember an incident which was a pre-cursor to my transformation.

A good friend of mine always warned me about my poor posture. He coached me on how to improve it, but he wasn’t aware that it is a mental issue and not a physical one.

During one of our conversations, he posed a question.

“Nishant, what will you do if you become the CEO of this company. Will you still walk with your shoulders bend?”

I confidently replied, “Yes, of course! I do not want to throw attitude to others or come across like an oppressor. I think my posture depicts that I am a humble person.”

The conversation continued for hours. I had every arsenal to prove my point. I glorified my inadequacy. Finally, my friend gave up.

Once I got some time to reflect on our conversation, I immediately knew that all I did was blanket my inadequacy with faulty narratives.

Instead of accepting that I do not come across as a confident individual, I gave in to my feeble self, ranking my niceness above every other quality. But that made me think.

I knew my friend was right. I knew I had to do something to improve myself.

And thus began my journey.

I always read, and I always wrote. But back in those days, I considered non-fiction as useless crap.

Fiction was what fancied me. The amount of pain a writer goes through to pen down an epic text is unparalleled. I assumed that writing non-fiction didn’t require mastery. I was wrong.

When I shed my presuppositions regarding non-fiction, I fell in love with the process. Every non-fiction writer researches for years before compiling their work. They, too, suffer during the process of creating their art. Just because their suffering didn’t meet the standards of my poor interpretation, I regarded it as useless.

Finally, I realized my faulty approach and embraced non-fiction researched texts.

I studied NLP, mindfulness, lucid dreaming, stoicism, tai-chi, eco-meditation, emotional intelligence, and the ways we can rewire ourselves to unlock the limitless potential of human minds.

I spent quite some time in Ladakh practicing meditation. It transformed my life.

I began with self-authoring, wherein we tear apart our past on paper to identify toxic patterns, followed by getting rid of those poisonous shadows.

Mindfulness helped me stay in the present.

I finally realized that I am not what happened to me as a child.

I altered my present.

I became a better version of myself.

I am still a flawed individual, but I am no longer suffering.

I put in work daily.

I get better daily.

I fail daily.

I try the next day again with a better approach.

After self-authoring and mindfulness, I felt a lot healthier. I then turned my focus to physical activities and a healthy diet, which increased my focus, concentration, productivity, and efficiency.

I consider myself a student.

I will continue to be one for the rest of my life.

I study for around 5 hours daily to add value to myself. Every free minute of my life is dedicated to learning and helping others. At the same time, I expect nothing in return.

A smile on the faces of the people whose lives I touch positively is my reward.

If you consider yourself nice, yet you have an expectation from the world to treat you in a better manner, you are ugly, my friend.

You are weak.

You must get strong.

Try these five steps to organize your life:

  • Stop being a victim.
  • Take responsibility.
  • Be kind without expectations.
  • Upgrade yourself.
  • Stand up for yourself.

Stop being a victim

A victim mindset is a toxic mindset. Even if you were abused, cheated on, backstabbed, disrespected in the past, it was in the past. You can no longer live in the past. You must break free from the chains of trauma that have enslaved you for years. You must sculpt your destiny. The first step is to make peace with your past.

“Don’t fight your demons. Your demons are here to teach you lessons. Sit down with your demons and have a drink and a chat and learn their names and talk about the burns on their fingers and scratches on their ankles. Some of them are very nice.”

CHARLES BUKOWSKI

Write down your most terrible memories—ones, which haunt you daily. Accept them and acknowledge that you are in control. Forgive the people who wronged you. This is where your niceness should play a dominant role. Forgive the wrongdoings of others. They hurt you because they were themselves in pain. They did not know how to deal with it. In their ignorance, they projected their insecurities on you.

Hold no ill will.

Get in terms with your past.

Respect yourself.

And begin a new glorious journey to a bright new future.

Take responsibility

Once you have accepted your life, you need to change it. The first step is being responsible for yourself. You will need to be accountable for every activity related to your being.

Set goals for yourself.

Wake up early.

Workout.

Write a daily journal.

Cook your meals.

Wash your clothes.

Take care of your loved ones.

Spend time learning new skills and be a master of ones you already possess.

Keep distance from toxic people.

Have no expectations from others.

Have high expectations from yourself.

Do not waste a single minute.

Do not indulge in activities that don’t bring you closer to your life goals.

Once you have done these, then take on new responsibilities. The whole idea of being responsible is having no time for mindless pleasures.

Be kind without expectations

Being kind adds happiness to your being. The more generous you are to others, the more adequate you will feel inside. But, many of us are helpful because we expect something in return. That could be as little as a thank you. However, the world doesn’t follow your rules.

It is not necessary that everyone will be grateful for your kindness.

A few years ago, I overheard a conversation wherein a driver was begging his employer for money as his kid was admitted to a hospital. He frantically pleaded his case.

The kid had suffered a brain injury, and the doctors refused to operate without advance payment.

His employer asked him to wait for a day or two.

The driver was baffled. His kid could die if not provided immediate medical attention.

I didn’t think twice before emptying my savings. I gave all I had. Though it was a small amount, yet it was sufficient for the greedy doctors to get the procedure started.

The driver took my number and said he would return me the money.

Now, I did not expect to get that money back.

But at the same time, I wanted him to make me feel better about myself.

I waited for weeks. He never called back to thank me.

After a few months, I grew sour. I felt cheated.

Even after doing an act of kindness, I wasn’t happy.

I recently realized my mistake.

Though I was kind, my actions were self-motivated. I was high on self-loathing. I thought a kind act would make me feel better about my inadequacies. That’s where I went wrong.

We cannot do nice things for others, hoping they will be grateful.

We need to be kind, selflessly.

Buy your partner expensive gifts, but don’t expect a lifetime commitment.

Feed your kids while you starve, knowing that you will be alone during old age.

Take care of your family. Elevate their lives. Do not expect gratitude in return.

Work for longer hours without expecting a raise or promotion.

Help your friends when they are in need. Do not expect that they will return the favor.

Have high expectations from yourself

Do not expect from others. Expect from yourself.

All of your expectations should be from yourself.

You are one. Yet, you are not one.

You are your body.

You are also your mind.

You are your feelings.

You are your surroundings.

You are your soul.

All in all, you are a bright fucking universe in yourself.

Expect things from yourself.

Expect that your mind will wake you up early.

Expect that your body will be strong.

Expect that your soul is pure.

Expect to be fearless.

Expect to be innovative.

Expect to impact lives.

Expect to be the best version of yourself.

All of your expectations should be with yourself. Take the proper steps to fulfill your expectations.

If you expect yourself to be loyal, then do not engage in adultery, no matter how tempting it feels.

If you expect yourself to be ultra-productive, do not subscribe to Netflix. Read books instead.

Here are the benefits of reading!

If you expect to be physically fit, stop eating out.

If you expect to be stress-free, practice mindfulness.

All your expectations should be with yourself. And you should leave no stone unturned to meet those expectations.

Upgrade yourself

Till the time your breath doesn’t stop, your learning shouldn’t either. Life is a never-ending journey of self-improvement. You need to upgrade yourself continually.

Imagine if our computers still ran on DOS, or for that matter, Windows 98. How would you feel?

Frustrated and annoyed!

Every object needs to upgrade itself with time. That includes humans too.

We are not using ink and pen carved out of wood anymore. We use typewriters.

Books are not being written on leaves. They are printed and digitized.

We are no longer using wood stoves for cooking food.

We are not using bricks to workout.

Everything around us changes with time to make our lives convenient.

Yet, we tend to be the same. It is an inadequacy.

More skilled individuals replace less competent people.

The only difference between both is the amount of time they spend on improving and honing their personalities and skills.

If you consider yourself a photographer, click pictures daily.

A writer must read and write daily.

A coder should always be coding. Dream of 01 01 01 01. That’s a competent coder.

If you want to master a foreign language, stop thinking in your native tongue. Even your dreams should be in the foreign language.

If you are a businessman, keep on learning from the industry veterans. Read about new ways to improve your productivity and efficiency.

If you do not upgrade yourself, someone new, better than you, will replace you.

A better listener will make love to your woman.

A responsible professional will do your job.

Your kids will be the master of your home.

Even your god will abandon you.

If you want to be happy, learning must never stop.

Stand up for yourself

Being kind, nice, responsible, selfless is exemplary. Yet, this doesn’t mean getting exploited or bullied.

Just because you want to be selfless, please don’t invite conmen to rob you of your property.

In being a better professional, do not end up being exploited by your bosses.

Being nice to your partner doesn’t mean showering them with gifts while they are sleeping with someone else.

While practicing kindness and forgiveness, do not allow bullies to walk all over you.

Be nice but have the capacity to stand up for yourself when needed.

The world respects people who voice out their concerns.

Be articulate. Do not be meek.

Lay down clear boundaries. The moment someone crosses those boundaries, you need to protect your kingdom. Do what it takes.

Remember Saam, Daam, Dand, Bhed.

Never bow down.

Mahatma Gandhi didn’t raise a finger ever, yet he broke the spirit of the imperialists.

Even your adversary will admire you when you stand up for yourself.

I am not asking you to get into fights. We are not going to follow Tyler Durden and begin random fights at every street corner to be fearless.

Being fearless means looking into the eyes of the bully and explaining to him the consequences calmly.

Do not be combative unnecessarily.

Yet, be combat-ready always.

Jordan Peterson, in his remarkable book – 12 rules of life, asserts the first rule as – Stand up straight with your shoulders pulled back.

When you stand up straight, you are ready to take on the world.

Once again, I am not asking you to get into a series of bar fights and prove your masculinity, feminity, or toughness.

I am asking you not to bow down, hoping if you stay silent, bullies will ignore you and move ahead. That never happens factually.

The more docile you are, the higher are the chances that you will be anxious and jittery all the time.

You cannot live in a constant state of fear.

What’s the alternate?

Stand up straight with your shoulder pulled back.

This way, you are signaling the universe that if it throws a fight at you, you will charge head-on. It’s not an invitation. It’s a warning.

You can continue being victim, blaming the world for your misery, or you can improve yourself, becoming kinder and stronger – the choice is yours!

That will be it for today.

If you think my work can help others, I will request you to share it on social media. But, you are free to accept or reject my request.

Please leave feedback and suggestions. I welcome them, helps me improve.

How has your experience been with so-called nice people?

This is why good listeners are more successful

Relationships fail if partners don’t listen to each other. Companies disintegrate if they do not listen to their consumers. Work culture turns toxic if leadership doesn’t listen to employees. Art is worthless if not made while listening to our hearts. We must be better listeners before we can be a better person.

Goodmorning Planet,

How are you? I am doing great.

I have a question to ask. What do you understand by “listening”?

The textbook definition suggests – give one’s attention to a sound.

Is that what listening means to you? 

As we have been told multiple times, hearing means we are in an auto-pilot mode. We are gathering sounds around us but not attentively. While listening is the act of hearing carefully, wherein we devote our self to the source of a sound entirely.

To further simplify, listening makes our lives a little better because when we listen, we are present in a conversation.

We are present in the moment.

We are not lost in a past memory or dreaming of a future event.

We are there, in – NOW.

Being present in a moment changes our life for the better. And that is our topic of discussion for the day.

You don’t listen.

We don’t listen.

We don’t listen as individuals.

We don’t listen as collective units.

Your mother doesn’t listen.

Your siblings are never paying attention.

Your friends pretend to listen as they have their own stories to tell.

Your local politician doesn’t listen.

Your government doesn’t listen.

Your prayers are unanswered.

Your sobs get wasted.

Your cries get muffled. 

All in all, nobody cares about your yap.

We don’t listen. We wait for our turns to speak. 

That’s the only reason we go through this charade of pretending to listen to what the other person has to say.

And I totally get it!

I am not holding you accountable for being a poor listener. Listening isn’t an easy task for anyone. The more chaotic your mind is, the harder it will be for you to listen. 

Listening doesn’t come naturally to us.

We are no longer trained to observe silence, pay attention to essential and non-essential sounds.

If you compare data from the ’70s, you will see a sharp spike in the overall noise levels in the entire galaxy. We are producing tons of megahertz of noise every second. 

With abundant chaos environing us, it is impossible to differentiate between essential and non-essential blabber. So, we decided to shut everything out.

We are no longer stuck in a hunter-gatherer setup. We do not have to spend hours in peace and quiet, relying on our listening abilities to sense the footsteps of an approaching predator.  

We are god-fearing people.

We believe in rituals and worshiping deities.

We visit places of worship to share our list of expectations with our gods very frequently.

Even when we are clueless about our desires, we always have a list of essential objects which we share with our supreme being, hoping that he will assist us and make the pursuit easy.

Ever wondered why all of your prayers go unanswered?

Simply because no one is listening!

The god you are praying to doesn’t lie in a place of worship. It lies within you. It continuously speaks to you. Lays down paths for you to walk.

You never hear him, because you have lost your ability to listen to those voices/sounds/patterns. Now, the profound art of listening has been degraded to a base level communication where a speaker will share his so-called vital feelings, and the listeners will wait for their turns to speak.

This is what listening has been reduced to. 

We no longer listen to ourselves.

We do not listen to our bodies.

We do not listen to our minds.

We do not listen to our soul.

We do not listen to this planet.

We do not listen to the universe.

And, we are least bothered to listen to what the other person is saying.

For centuries we have relied on listening to reveal hidden patterns around us and simplify our lives.

Not anymore!

Now we have degraded ourselves to a big chunk of fart machines. 

We don’t talk. We don’t speak. We don’t communicate. We fart!

That’s all we do – generate incomprehensible unpleasant noises.

We fart!

Today, we will discuss the importance of listening in improving the quality of your life and the lives of the people around you. 

We will begin with the first event which occurred in this universe.

The BIG BANG!

For fuck’s sake, the very first event is named – The Big Bang!

I don’t think I need to emphasize the importance of listening when the event, which resulted at the beginning of our stories, is described as a loud noise.

The universe spoke. We listened. Life began.

Centuries passed by, we lost the art of listening. Now, we are miserable, suffering deeply, always in pain.

A simple act of listening attentively can magically transform our lives.

How?

That’s what we will explore today.

Somewhere in the middle of 2017, I used to own an art studio in the heart of Delhi – Malviya Nagar. A few months ago, my debut novel – Broken Radio – had released. I was living a dream life, hoping that this will be a new beginning. 

For the first time in my life, I was appreciated for my words and thoughts.

Before becoming an author, in my previous roles, I was recognized several times, either because of my skills to drive results or my ability to meet deadlines. However, writing is an altogether different ecosystem.

When it comes to any form of art, there are no set metrics on which you can be judged. 

Even art schools do not grade students on a long list of set parameters.

Art is extremely personal. 

I remember an episode of Seinfeld. If you haven’t ever watched Seinfeld, you must. It is one of those brilliant comedies which won’t just make you go ROFL but also uplift you as a person. It is an excellent piece of work by renowned comedian Jerry Seinfeld. 

In Seinfeld, we have a unique character named Kramer.

Kramer is either an eccentric genius or maybe just some ruffian bottomfeeder, depends on your outlook. Now, I am a little foggy on the details, but the way I remember it is either Kramer conned a painter into creating a giant portrait of himself or the painter got mesmerized with Kramer and created one. 

Nonetheless, the outcome is a brilliant painting of Kramer.

When the painting is unveiled to an art patron couple, they have brazenly contrasting views about it.

The women: I sense great vulnerability, a man-child crying out for love, an innocent orphan in the post-modern world.

The man: I see a parasite—a sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.

And it goes on and on and on….

You might want to watch this tiny clip, laughs guaranteed.

The point I am trying to make is there isn’t a formula to define art. Art is personal, and that applies to any form of art, whether it be music, cinema, painting, poetry. The success of art is based upon audiences’ perception.

Bukowski, the infamous literary avalanche, was considered a fucked up writer with no class. Today, there isn’t a modern piece of art that isn’t inspired by Bukowski in some manner or the other. All of these nihilist heroes (angry young men) whom you adore on the silver screen, smoking, gambling, and wasting their lives away, in love with their pain and suffering, are in some manner or other inspired by Bukowski’s alter ego – Henry Chinaski. 

Dostoyevsky, the genius & the gambler who penned down the most complicated literary works, wasn’t celebrated during his lifetime. So-called literary geniuses weren’t too impressed with his work. They didn’t even enjoy hanging out with him. He wasn’t invited to their grand parties. Now, his work is considered as the most brilliant representation of our inner struggle. Today petty writers like me pray to Dostoyevsky for strength and courage. It takes great courage to rise above our mediocrity, pain, misery, suffering, to create art.

Someone posed a question to Jordan Peterson about how to truly judge art. His response was to wait for a few centuries. If people talked about a piece of work even when centuries have passed, it is truly genius.

So, while being alive, there is absolutely no way to be sure whether what you are creating in the name of art is beauty or just random crap. We need to rely on other people’s feedback to ascertain our worth. Even a flawed writer like me can be proud of his work if there is one single person to whom my work spoke.

If we can touch a single life through our art, it is worth all the pain and suffering.

I try to upload videos frequently on YouTube and my social media channels.

An acquaintance once asked how do I motivate myself to create videos when I only get 100-150 views?

I chuckled. I said 100-150 people are watching my work, listening to me, reading what I write. That matters to me.

For you, its just 150 views.

For me, these are 150 people who have taken out their precious time to interact with something which I created. I feel proud that 150 people watch it. It is an achievement for me. 

It is not about numbers.

It has never been about numbers.

It has always been about influencing lives positively and destroying beautifully decorated chains of slavery.

It’s about liberating the human mind & soul.

It is not about numbers.

That’s not how you grade art.

That’s not why you create art – to get viewership.

You create art because it serves as an escape from your misery.

You create art to breathe, to live, to exist.

It has never been about numbers.

So, once again, there isn’t a formula to define art. Art is timeless.

If my words can transform or help one individual, I consider myself blessed. 

A painting that I admire might be a piece of crap for you. 

A novel that you cherish might be utterly stupid in my understanding.

A poetry which I find profound, you might consider it shallow.

A person whom I regard as a genius might be a pretentious fuck as per you.

An ideology that I find liberating might be constricting per your understanding.

It is all about perspective.

So, coming back to 2017, I had released my book. I leased a building and created a dream art studio for myself. I used to stay in isolation and create art the entire day. On a good day, I wrote a minimum of 7-8 thousand words and destroyed one canvas.

It was an ecstatic experience. 

The only trouble was I felt alone. I was too lonely.

I did have visitors now and then, folks who enjoyed my work. They shared kind words, and I listened attentively to praises.

However, I was least bothered about anything else that anyone said.

If it was about my work, I was all ears.

Anything else was dull woo-woo for me.

Mumbo Jumbo that didn’t deserve my attention.

As weeks passed by, this became my default setting. 

Before this, I was always a good listener. I paid attention. It was never about me blabbering my thoughts. It was about striking a meaningful conversation. 

But now, it became all about myself.

Even if I was listening to others, my mind was busy framing the next set of sentences that I could puke. 

For instance, a friend brought over his colleagues at my place. One of them was a naive 22-year-old guy who was in love with his job and thoroughly enjoyed his high pay scale. He shared details about his career.

A good listener should have appreciated his enthusiasm and acknowledged his journey, maybe wished him good luck for the future. But not me. I wasn’t a good listener then. I had to make everything about myself. 

I began a rant against consumerism and toxic corporate culture. I had no idea the impact my words could have on that poor soul. I wrecked his narrative. I made him feel bad about what he did. I became a bully, then. 

After puking shit out, I felt relieved, but that guy had a bad awakening.

A few days later, I was told that he became depressed and stopped going to work.

I have yet not forgiven myself for being so toxic to someone who deserved a sanctuary.

This is why listening is essential.

If we do not listen and wait for our turns to speak, we are making everything about ourselves. It makes us less considerate to others, unkind to some extent. We get driven by false ego and attempt to uplift ourselves by demeaning others.

It is toxic for us and people around us.

Relationships fail if partners don’t listen to each other.

Companies disintegrate if they do not listen to their consumers.

Work culture turns toxic if leadership doesn’t listen to employees.

Art is worthless if not made while listening to our hearts.

A journalist’s integrity is compromised if he/she doesn’t listen to the truth.

Kids turn into bullies if their parents don’t listen.

Partners cheat because they feel unheard.

Employees leave when they realize there isn’t anyone who is paying attention to what they say.

We change brands if they do not evolve after listening to our feedback.

Our cognitive abilities deteriorate if we do not listen to our thoughts.

This entire universe will collapse if we continue this trend.

We must be better listeners before we can be a better person.

Fortunately, I got back to my old self and started listening again.

Shortly after the incident mentioned above, I packed my bags and left for Kashmir to research for a new book. In Kashmir, I found myself among people who valued the importance of community. Everyone was empathetic to each other’s suffering and always listened to one another. The novelty of the experience shut my mouth and opened my ears.

I was experiencing something which I had only witnessed in a diluted manner on a television screen. Observing first-hand atrocities put me on the back seat, reuniting me with my listening self.

Not everyone gets such second chances. A lot of us spend our lifetimes only hearing and forming our narratives to vomit the next chance we get.

We are so impulsive that we do not even wait for the other person to complete explaining/narrating their side. We like predators, wait for the speaker to take a breath so that we could talk. 

We talk over other people.

We interrupt others.

We barely hear what they say.

We never paraphrase.

All we care for is dominating the conversation.

I remember during my corporate slavery days, whenever I used to approach a leader to share a problem, they made no eye contact. They didn’t interrupt, but we can sense when we are being heard. And I am positive, they were not listening.

In toxic corporate cultures, leaders are coached to nullify an employee’s concern. Acknowledging a concern will require work on their part. And this is no surprise that we do not want to work. Maybe 2% of us do, but 98% of us just want a paycheck. We will get distraught if that doesn’t arrive. 

It won’t matter if we are not delivering results.

What matters for us is to get paid. 

To be successful in any avenue of life, you must listen.

If you want to nurture a relationship, you must listen to your partner.

If you want to raise successful children, you must listen to them.

If you wish to get healthy, you must listen to your body.

If you want to achieve glory, you must listen to your thoughts.

If you want to build an empire, you must listen to your advisors, employees, and consumers.

Even someone as stupid as Trump listens to his advisors.

Authoritarian Modi listens to his parent ideological institution RSS.

If failed individuals can listen, we still have the upper hand.

We haven’t sold our souls yet.

Hope, I made a convincing case.

Before I reveal to you a zillion benefits of listening, let’s decode the art of listening.

First of all, listening doesn’t mean paying attention using your sensory organs. (in this case your ears)

Listening is an art. It involves every fabric of your physical and spiritual being. You will need to be present in the moment to listen.

It isn’t an easy task. That explains why people don’t listen.

How to listen:

There are three stages to listening.

  • Listening To The Speaker
  • Paraphrasing
  • Talking

These three elements combined flawlessly will then reciprocate a healthy conversation.

Let’s understand each element.

Listening To The Speaker

The first step is listening, which means paying attention to the speaker’s words, eyes, expressions, body language, and breathing patterns.

Whenever a person is talking apart from spoken words, there are a bunch of other things you need to pay attention to. Words are easy to catch. Even when distracted or disoriented, chances are pretty high that you will correctly get a gist of what the other person is trying to communicate.

Until and unless you are absent, meaning your physical body is in front of the speaker, but your monkey mind is busy swinging from one branch of thought to the other, you won’t miss much.

But this is where most of us go wrong.

When people communicate honestly, they are not speaking only through words. Their entire body is communicating. They are expressing through their eyes, facial expressions, hands, every part of their body.

They will sway forward when they feel empathetic.

They will bend backward while narrating a horrifying experience.

Their hands will be constrained if they sense an unwelcoming response from the listener.

Their arms would open up in a relaxed manner if the listener’s gaze is affectionate.

A ton of emotions will ooze out from the eyes. 

Eyes are a powerful medium of communication. For centuries we have passed messages just by the movement of our eyes.

Even in regular communication, our eyes can give out a lot.

Our brains are split into two sections – the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere.

Vaguely, the left hemisphere contains memories and logic, while the right hemisphere is the creative side which imagines, a dreamer as some may say!

During a conversation, if a speaker is looking to the left, it indicates they are recalling a real experience. If they are looking towards the right, it suggests that they are adding elements of imagination – in short, they are lying.

I am not claiming, this is a thumb rule. However, multiple researchers agree with this. 

Adding to the eye movement are hand gestures and broken speech (nervousness).

If the speaker takes long pauses or breaks in the middle of the speech, it can indicate that they are unsure of what they are saying.

Similarly, their facial expressions, their muscle twitches, everything points out to something. 

You do not need to train yourself to observe all of this. Ideally, this should be your default setting.

If you are willingly in a conversation, it is highly disrespectful if you do not listen properly. 

You must be present in the conversation with complete silence.

Listen to the other person, observe their mannerisms, their body language. The only action needed from your end is to maintain eye contact and give verbal nods now and then, to reassure the other person of your mindful listening.

You cannot interrupt and say – sorry for the interruption.

It is obscenely rude. 

While listening, you do not have to create narratives inside your head about what you are going to say next. Even if you are in a debate, trying to prove your point, you cannot stop the other person to share your objections.

Hold your horses!

If you have even a shred of respect for your thoughts, you must respect the other person’s outlook also. Please hear them out.

Once the speaker has completed what they wanted to express, the next step will be paraphrasing.

Paraphrasing

We barely paraphrase. High performing individuals paraphrase but not always. Even they paraphrase only when engaged in a scholarly debate or discussion, not in their daily lives. This is where most of us go wrong.

We do not paraphrase.

Whenever someone is narrating a story, presenting their opinion, making a point, if it is not a scripted output, they use a wholesome bouquet of words. Even if it is concise and you feel that you grasped all of it, there is no way to be sure. Therefore, paraphrasing is optimal for your conversations. Else, we will keep on running around in circles, unable to comprehend the essence of each other’s words.

If you paraphrase, not only can you verify whether you correctly interpreted what the other person is trying to communicate, but you also lay the groundwork on which you can start forming your part of the speech. 

There is a universal challenge of articulation. There’s no surprise that we have not only lost the art of listening, but our speech is also compromised. 

We rape words continuously. 

Juggle incomprehensible slangs.

Communicate in broken speech.

Jumble our word order.

Use excessive fillers.

All in all, most of us bark.

A listener’s job is to identify the melody in all that chatter and then comprehend the real meaning. 

Due to such poor articulation by most of us, it is more than essential now than ever to paraphrase; else, we will not understand the core of someone’s speech. 

Wife: I don’t like a bit that you come home late every evening drunk. I do not have groceries for the morning breakfast. I have to wake you up daily and request you to go grocery shopping. While you are out picking groceries because I don’t have much to do, I get anxious waiting for you—that kind of screws up my entire day. I am unable to focus at work, and my boss is not happy with my performance. My life is getting shitty with each passing day.

Husband:

Response 1Should we see a doctor for your anxiety?

Response 2How about we stock groceries for the entire week on Sunday, will that make things better?

Response 3Hmm, if you are not enjoying your job, why don’t you switch to a different company?

Response 4I think we need a baby. You are too lonely.

Response 5What I understand is my alcoholism is driving you crazy. I don’t think it is a healthy practice for me to get drunk every day. Can we talk about this in detail? Maybe I need a little assistance from you to figure out what’s going wrong. Will you help me, please, honey?

Which one of these is the right response?

Yes, you guessed it right. It’s the fifth one!

It’s always us who is at fault. Fixing ourselves can fix everything. 

If you will not paraphrase and jump to your part of the speech, you will never be able to understand the other person’s pain point. You will diminish their argument in your small-mindedness, giving way to alienation and unpleasantness.

Listen attentively.

Paraphrase.

And then talk!

Your speech

After you have attentively listened and paraphrased to understand, comes everyone’s favorite part of the conversation. Now, you are free to talk!

But remember, just because you can talk doesn’t mean you have to.

Most of the conversations do not need much input from your end.

People want to share, and you will be amazed to see how open even strangers can be. 

Speaking is also a manner in which we straighten our thoughts.

A lot many influential speakers do not prepare their talks in advance. They are present in the moment and improvise as per the audiences’ pulse. 

If you do not have anything ultra-relevant to contribute, refrain from speaking just for the sake of it. If you have listened, then you must have identified the goal of the conversation.

Either the person is trying to share their misery.

Or, they will be expressing a moment of profound happiness.

Sometimes, people just talk to kill the silence.

Many times, they are trying to figure out a solution to their problems.

Intellectuals discuss ideas. Such conversations demand your input.

Others just require you to play the role of a listener.

If someone is sharing their misery, you do not need to top their experience with your personal stories.

Woman: Hey, my purse got snatched today morning.

Man: Yeah, we live in a terrible society. You know what happened a year ago. I was coming back from a party at 2 am, and two boys came in front of my car. They wore hoodies and had a baseball bat in their hands. They tried to stop me. I feared for my life. I ran my car over them. I was not going to bow down to hooliganism. (yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap)

Ideally, the person was supposed to probe more details.

Acknowledge.

Empathize.

Maybe talk about the next steps—future strategies to avoid such experiences. But no, we just won’t leave a chance to make everything about ourselves. 

Every conversation needs to be about Me, me, and me alone.

I have been there, done that, hence I speak from experience. 

Guys, you do not have to do so. 

Just listen and listen some more. 

Listening will open you to new possibilities that you never thought existed.

Listening will help you improve current relationships, including your relationship with yourself. 

Listening will help you foster new friendships and bonding.

If you do not listen, you end up missing on so much of life that it is not even worth living. 

We are not unhappy because the world doesn’t listen to us.

We are miserable because we don’t listen to ourselves and others.

Listening can uplift us from our chaotic state to a stable platform.

Here are few never discussed benefits of listening –

  • Listening improves your cognitive abilities.
  • Listening reduces anxiety and stress.
  • Listening helps you to be more mindful of the present.
  • Listening promotes healthy habits.

Listening improves your cognitive abilities

We use our cognitive abilities to deal with the problems we face. We have a very limited daily cognitive bandwidth. If we exhaust it early in the day, our days will appear as an endless ordeal. We need to ensure that we preserve our energy and not expend it unnecessarily. 

Most of our daily lives occur in loops. We do the same set of activities over and over again. With time we develop habits, so, we do not have to invest energy in executing basic tasks. We can then use our cognitive abilities to solve critical issues that can improve our lives and the lives of others. 

Now imagine this.

You are in the habit of making your daily breakfast. You have a set ritual. You chop first, followed by cooking. Suppose one day, your knife loses its charm, and you cannot chop. Now, your mind panics. It is used to operate in a set fashion, and that course is broken. For our minds, this is a significant disruption. It will unleash a storm of anxiety, irritating you to the core. If you are not listening to yourself, you will give in the chaos and either go to work empty stomach or use tons of energy trying to find an alternate. 

This might sound like a petty issue to many of you. But trust me, an anxious mind blows everything out of proportion. I have seen people ruin their days for lesser shit than this. 

However, if you are listening to yourself, you will acknowledge your inner feelings, only to paraphrase and probe yourself – so, what you are saying is my day is ruined because my knife is not sharp enough? That doesn’t sound right. How about I just boil my veggie instead, it would require lesser energy. 

There you go. You solved a problem without banging your head on a wall.

You did not expend your cognitive bandwidth unnecessarily, and you are ready to take on the world. 

Listening is not limited to others. 

It begins at home.

The home of your soul – You.

The first step is to listen to ourselves, acknowledge, and paraphrase. Once you do so, you will see a pattern of panic in your thoughts.

With the right acknowledgment, you can control your feeble self and make it stronger. 

Buddhist monks do not speak. They barely talk.

The reason is their sense of tranquility.

They do not have to chatter endlessly because they can easily sense underlying emotions.

Some people talk when they are sad.

Some when they are nervous.

Some talk to express happiness.

Some to terrorize.

Those who listen to themselves, talk to the higher being inside them.

That being at present is buried beneath tons of subconscious rubble.

You will need to sort it out.

The first step is to listen to your breath.

Your heartbeat.

The sound of your beating heart – lub dub lub dub lub dub dub

Once you are in sync with yourself, you won’t waste in the mindless chatter of imaginary problems. You will listen to what is essential, leading to enhanced cognitive abilities. 

Your focus will improve. You will be more confident. Your productivity will increase—all in all, better cognitive abilities.

Listening reduces anxiety and stress.

Anxiety happens when we are in uncertain waters. Anything which doesn’t have a set outcome sends our mind in panic mode. It starts weaving possible outcomes. There are always a million of those.

So, you imagine countless outcomes of a given event you are involved in.

We also have a negative bias to protect us from danger. Therefore most of these possible outcomes will be negative, further fuelling panic and anxiety.

All in all, this happens because we are not listening to ourselves and others. 

If you listen to others, they often share remarkable insights about their issues. You can very well learn a lot from anyone, even your adversary, if you are paying attention.

If you are carefully listening to your thoughts, not just chasing them, you will develop intuition.

Your subconscious is highly potent and has a binary configuration to solve any problem you might face. But at the same time, you need to identify the right idea.

I create content for a US-based cannabis company.

I am their subconscious.

Whenever they need a creative, I, at least, provide 7-10 options. 

They pick the best one.

In this case, they are you. And your mind is me.

Your mind will continue to give you countless options, and few of them will be apt for a situation, but you need to listen to the way these thoughts feel.

Which one made your stomach ache?

Which one added to your frustration?

Which one made your eyes shine?

Which one made your calves quiver?

Which one made you calmer?

A seemingly tricky path.

An overly complicated way out.

Or a well thought, tough to execute but an intelligent solution.

If you are not listening, you are wasting energy, damaging both your mind and body.

The anxious mind will keep on pumping cortisol (stress hormone) in your veins.

A few minutes later, catastrophic fear will consume you.

Your amygdala (fear sensor) will start throbbing.

Your body will think of it as a sign to fight or flee.

It will begin to pump adrenaline; you won’t be able to sit idle.

You will start shaking your legs, fiddling your fingers, smoking a pack of cigarettes, until you are too exhausted even to think.

Why go through all of this daily?

Save this for the actual crisis. 

Today just listen.

Breathe and pay attention.

Acknowledge, paraphrase, and strategize.

That’s all!

Listening helps you to be more mindful of the present.

Whenever we are not focused on the task at hand, all we do is time travel.

We go back to an incident in the past, whether joyful or depressing, mostly depressing, or we will plan for the unknown future, that too not in a constructive manner.

We are not noting down anything.

We are not preparing a strategy.

It’s mindless strolling.

If we replace this with being in the present, our lives can change for the better.

Imagine you are sitting in a room. But you are not sitting in the room.

You are thinking about a toxic ex. 

How they ruined your life!

Dwelling on it for some time, you start imagining a future with Nargis Fakhri or Sunny Leone. 

You are not in the room.

You need to be in the room.

You need to be in the present.

Try this wherever you are, right now!

Listen to all the sounds around you.

The ticking of the clock.

The electronic hum of the fan or the ac.

The humming sound of your PC’s motherboard.

The non-audible buzz of your phone. 

The sound of the breeze.

You will be surprised to find that once you practice this for five minutes every day – just listening, plain listening, you will stop being a psychonaut.

If you are not worried about the past or the future, you can pay attention to what is essential in the present.

Now look around you, what do you see – Is your room in order?

Is it clean and sorted?

Check those unpaid bills lying in the corner. 

How about you clear them today? They have been pending till long.

What about that book lying on the table. You promised to finish it three weeks ago.

How about you read the book.

Slowly and gradually, as the days will pass, you will not dwell on the past, which doesn’t matter. Or worry about a future you have no control over.

You will start living in the present to its full, making small improvements to yourself and your surrounding, leading to a better future automatically. 

You don’t need to be a pendulum and keep on swinging between the past and the future.

Be here.

Be now.

Be present.

Listen!

Listening promotes healthy habits.

Habits are activities that we do so often that we no longer need to pay any attention to them.

Habits are an excellent way for the mind to preserve precious energy and stabilize the mental spectrum. 

Habits run in an auto-pilot mode needing no assistance from us. 

As much as they are helpful, they can also be toxic in case of bad habits.

Consider smoking, for example.

Countless smokers have no idea what their triggers are or why do they smoke. 

We repeatedly talk about nicotine addiction. We discuss how difficult quitting nicotine smoking is. We have already conditioned ourselves that quitting smoking is an impossible task. Many of us do not even attempt to break free from such toxic habits.

Overthinking is also a toxic habit. So is any sort of addiction.

Once we have mastered the art of listening and we are present in the moment, we will be able to see things that we do not ideally.

We will be able to see how we make our habit of smoking so convenient that it become a natural act.

Smokers always carry smokes and light with them.

If they stop carrying smokes, higher are the chances that their mind won’t send them on an extra stroll of buying cigarettes every time they feel a craving. Many smokers can reduce their smoking just by not carrying with them the medium of their destruction.

If we take the right efforts, we can get rid of any toxic habit.

All we need to do is listen to our bodies.

When we feel a craving to smoke, we start losing focus.

Our heart rate spikes and we feel unable to do anything in the right manner before satisfying this craving first.

Sex addicts often end up having 5-6 intercourses daily to satisfy this feeling.

If we are listening to our bodies, we will be able to hear the rustle of our lungs, which signifies its rotting from within. Every puff of a cigarette makes our chest clogged and breathing heavy.

We never pay attention because we are not in the moment.

We are not listening to our bodies.

If we do, we will realize how much pain our body goes through each time we smoke.

We will sense the loss of energy and the utter wastage of time.

A nicotine addict assumes that all he is losing are 10-15 minutes. But that’s an incorrect assumption. The reality is horrifyingly bleak.

Not only smokers lose precious minutes, but smoking also drains a lot of their energy. Each smoke reduces our work efficiency by 20-25 minutes (also dependent on the diet of the person).

Which means someone who is smoking 8-10 cigarettes every day, is losing somewhere around 3.5 hours daily. This time alone, if invested in self-development, can help anyone reach unscaled heights. 

The same is the case with overthinkers. They spend around 4-5 hours every day dwelling on unimportant thoughts. Even if their thoughts are consumed by something crucial, their problem-solving skills get compromised due to brain exhaustion. The outcome is an utter waste of time and energy. 

Instead of overthinking, if we listen to our inner being who always guides towards the right path, we can solve the most critical issues in minutes.

And like any other skill, you cannot improve your listening overnight. It is going to take time. 

Patience is critical to quit bad habits and instill new ones.

If you wish to live a fulfilling life, better listening skill is a must.

Regular mindfulness practice can assist you in developing and mastering listening to self and others.

Plants talk to you

Breezes have something to say

That bee on the flower hums for you

The flowing river calls your name

The mountains robustly communicate

This whole universe has something to say.

You are missing on life if you are not listening!

Pay attention, buddy.

Relax and listen!

That will be all for the day. My fingers hurt. 

See you next week with a brand new essay.

Please share your feedback and suggestions.

If you think this essay can help somebody get their life in order, I will request you to share it on your social media. But you are free to accept or refuse my request.

Have an explosive day!

Tata.  

Do You Have What It Takes To Be Responsible

Any specialty you choose, your work ethics, attitude, determination, and efficiency will define your success rate. The better professional you are, the more prosperous you will be. The marketplace appreciates creativity, ingenuity, problem-solving skills, team players, and rewards individuals rich in such qualities with abundant wealth and comfort.

Good Morning Planet,

Today we are going to discuss desirable character traits that forge a winner. Let’s firstly understand our present social structure.

We are social animals. Per natural laws, social beings structure themselves hierarchically. There are multiple examples of hierarchically organized societies in the animal kingdom. 

Whether it be chimps, ants, bees, wolves, or lobsters, you will see prominent hierarchical arrangements in the way their intricate society functions. 

Chimps live in communities ranging from 20 to 150 members. 

Male chimpanzees organize themselves in a linear dominance hierarchy. Their claim to the throne is based on their physical strength and their social skills. 

If three chimps are fighting, two of them can form a coalition and defeat the other one. If a chimp is physically superior but lacks skills to build alliances, he can be easily overcome by someone who lacks strength but has mastered forming coalitions. 

Ants live in large colonies. A class system organizes its society. 

The individual capability of an ant determines its role in the colony. Ants also get a preference to choose their role as per their inclination. Age also plays an important variable. 

An ant’s responsibility can be changed as per their age. 

Ideally, the colony is organized in a sophisticated manner. Yet, a simple representation will be – queen at the top, followed by soldiers and workers.

Bees also organize themselves in a hierarchal fashion. 

We have a queen at the top, followed by workers and drones. 

The queen’s primary purpose is to reproduce and secondary to motivate workers to finish the workload. 

The workers hold secondary citizenship and need to toil hard. 

And the drones mostly fertilize the virgin queens. They do not have stings, so they cannot protect the hive from intruders. They are the lowliest citizens as they are unskilled.

A bee colony is also based on competency. 

Queen is the most responsible and is trusted with the essential task of reproduction. 

Workers are underdeveloped females. 

Drones are the outliers who are awarded the meanest job because they don’t possess any unique characteristics. 

Wolves stay in packs. They have a well defined social structure and clearly laid out rules of conduct. 

The pack is lead by an Alpha, which is the strongest and possesses better tracking and hunting skills. 

Others in the pack follow the leader and play their individual assigned roles. 

A wolf knows that alone it might have a lower survival rate. But in a pack, his chances improve considerably. 

A wolf pack is a vigorous hunting unit.

I am fascinated by a symbolic gesture among the wolves. 

While fighting for dominance, an Alpha, by defeating a beta, proves himself worthy and secures his position. The beta rolls over and offers his neck to the Alpha in a symbolic representation of surrender

The all-powerful Alpha can tear the loser’s throat apart, but it only grabs it with his jaw, exerts a little bite force, and then sets the beta free. This gesture is a show of strength and forgiveness.

This signifies that the Alpha is aware that he can kill the beta any given moment, yet chooses to let him live to make the pack strong and efficient. Now the beta will follow Alpha’s leadership and continue to play by the rules for the safety of the pack. 

Similarly, lobsters too organize themselves in a dominance hierarchy based on competency. 

Lobsters often engage in ritual combat to establish dominance. The winner sets to conquer territories while the loser backs down. 

Ironically identical to human society, top lobsters get their pick of the finest mansions and are surrounded by females. 

In contrast, the bottom lobsters continue to engage in a fight for survival. 

Great!

We have so far considered examples of a prevalent dominance hierarchy in the animal kingdom. We can collectively agree that there is ample evidence that such a social structure is beneficial to society. 

If the most competent individuals are at the top, higher are the chances for the collective to survive and grow.  

And, just to clarify, no, I wasn’t watching NAT Geo all night. 

If you carefully observe human society, it is also based on a dominance hierarchy. 

1% of the top population controls 99% of the rest. 

It is often considered unfair and unethical. We will continue exploring whether it is just or not. 

A capitalist human society is based on individual competencies. 

The more competent you are, the higher are your chances to climb the top.

Let’s begin with the starting of your life.

If your parents are decent, they will teach you the necessary social skills so that when you are in the park with kids of your age, you can play along. 

You will always find a kid who is being bullied by others or remains silent. Upon closely observing, you will identify that such kids mostly belong to irresponsible parents.

Either such parents are in a toxic relationship, or they have poor parenting skills.

Such a kid will not interact well with others and will also be unpopular among parents of other kids.

The kids who will play together will develop better social skills. They will be loved by the people around them, further enhancing their personalities.

Once the playground phase passes, you will be off to a school. 

In a school, to excel, everyone needs to study hard, participate in extracurricular activities, and get well with fellow students and their teachers. 

Several reasons can make a kid more successful than others during school.

  • Personal Characteristics – Personal characteristics such as attentiveness, IQ, commitment to work, and others contribute toward a child’s success.
  • Social Surroundings – Those with access to a better study environment and aids can quickly excel in comparison with those who lack these necessities. 

It is possible that a child might be from a low-income family but is more resolved to be a better student than others. Even if he’s family is not supportive, and he doesn’t have an iPad, he can hard work his way to the top of a classroom hierarchy.

I want to make it clear that we are not laying down rules of engagement here. 

Anyone belonging to any background can achieve an enormous amount of success just by following the right practices

Beyond school, similar rules would apply to high school and college.

Hardworking, intelligent adults with better social skills will outwork others and secure the top ranks. 

They will have the best pick of friends and members of the opposite sex around them. They will be popular and loved. 

Outliers and the bottom feeders will have resentment and hatred against them

Once again, we are not laying out rules of engagement. 

Your childhood or your adult life doesn’t determine the rest of your time on this planet. 

This is what makes us unique in comparison with animals. 

Our shortcomings do not limit us. 

You will see such examples spread evenly throughout history. 

In the animal kingdom, if you get a beta status, you will be confined to the same for the rest of your life. Animals barely rise in their status. 

Humans, on the other hand, are capable of upgrading their social standing at any given point.  

People who were awful as kids, grow into magnificent adults. 

Adults with prison and drug background, despite every odds, emerge as a conqueror and gain social acceptance. 

We human beings are driven by passion, which sees no past or future constraints.

If we purposefully set ourselves for a task, we are bound to succeed. 

What we are doing at present is analyzing the underlying social structure. We are discussing the prominent trends. 

I will continue reiterating that these are grand trends. 

Yes, they do impact your life, yet on an individual basis, your life is governed by your thoughts and your actions. 

Even if you had the most terrible life so far, you can easily transform it by being responsible and accountable. 

We will discuss this in detail further. 

After your initial learning is over, you are shipped to a world filled with opportunities. 

As per your knowledge and skills acquired, you will get to choose the profession of your choice. 

Once you begin your apprenticeship, you will get to learn from experts in your profession. 

You will start as a clerk, an intern, or an entry-level job in a domain of your choice

Your learning pace clubbed with your personal and social skills, will determine the course of your career. 

Out of thousands of you, most competent ones will climb up the ladder and secure prominent places.

In contrast with the animal kingdom, we get a chance to rise above at every stage of our lives. 

Even if you choose the wrong domain, you are free to quit and begin fresh in a field of your liking. 

Any specialty you choose, your work ethics, attitude, determination, and efficiency will define your success rate

The better professional you are, the more prosperous you will be.

The marketplace appreciates creativity, ingenuity, problem-solving skills, team players, and rewards individuals rich in such qualities with abundant wealth and comfort. 

It is only fair that those who contribute more get a better share

Till now, we have discussed the hierarchies and basics of a human hierarchy. 

Someone among us might be horrified by this unequal distribution of wealth and power. They can insist that a capitalist society is not a perfect society, and alternate structures should be explored. To them, I just have one response.

Fuck off, you lazy ass!

The only other alternate tried so far was communism and its implementation, and the final outcome was so horrifying in nature that even discussing such a flawed structure send chills down my body.

A commie will suggest that Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk should not have access to so much wealth and power. 

He will insist on equal distribution. 

As per him, irrespective of their individual efforts in building such flourishing empires, they are crooks and should be brought down. If we leave the decision-making abilities to the communists or sympathizers of equality, they will crucify Jeff and Elon, ignoring the spectacular effort put in by these individuals in building such enormous organizations.

Amazon will be torn apart, and Jeff will be hanged in public.

Elon will suffer a similar fate.

What these equality activists fail to realize is such organizations are essential for the prosperity of others. 

Individual wealth is a reward for achievers. 

It is not an unequal distribution

We all want competent people at critical positions because they have proven their excellence in managing people, resources, and strategizing grand victories. 

Someone who works hard deserves better compensation.

Jeff did not grow rich by fluke. He works 16 hours each day.

Elon isn’t smoking pot sitting at his home. He works relentlessly on solutions for the betterment of society.

If we strip such individuals from power and position, their companies will collapse, sending us back to the dark ages. Millions of people will become unemployed, and even if we redistribute wealth, it will only offer a temporary solution. 

We need competent individuals at the top of hierarchies, or else the world is doomed. 

Weak oppressors such as Stalin and Hitler are examples of this. If you crown incompetent leaders, they will not be able to lead you constructively. Their flawed outlook will attract disasters, and their failure to manage disasters will ruin civilizations.

Whether it be ancient Rome or Modern India & America, incompetent leaders have ruined our glorious lives.

Failed kings like Commodus, uneducated presidents like Trump, and bigotted prime ministers like Modi have already ruined the world as it is. We must encourage people to be more competent in order to make the world a better place. 

So far, we have established that only competent individuals can drive our society towards betterment. 

Now, we will discuss what can make you a competent individual.

It might come as a surprise to you, but all it takes to be an Alpha of a pack are two characteristic traits – Responsibility & Accountability.

Being Responsible

What do we understand by being responsible?

Anyone?

Anyone at all!

The girl at the front yells, “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.”

Fantastic, thank you for your response!

Okay, so as said by my genius friend, being responsible means fulfilling a duty towards an individual or an activity.

Responsibility begins at home. 

It begins with you.

The first step of being responsible is taking care of yourself.

The first responsibility the universe has trusted you with is YOU.

You need to take care of yourself.

You begin with the basics –

Physical – These are your responsibilities towards your physical self –

  • Grooming – You need to take care of your appearances. You must be clean. You must wear clean clothes. You shouldn’t look shabby. 

If you are dirt poor and you do not have the means to iron your cloth, you wake up an hour earlier and put your clothes beneath your bed so that they get ironed on its own. 

Your poverty cannot be an excuse for your shabby appearances.

If you cannot afford a toothpaste, you will brush your teeth with salt.

If your lips are chapped, you rub saliva on it.

Don’t have money to buy a hair gel, well, use your semen.

The point I am trying to make is, there’s no excuse. 

You are responsible for your physical appearance. You must maintain it well.

Someone among you might consider human appearance as a false representation of their capabilities. 

You are totally right in assuming so.

Your looks don’t have to compliment the quality of your work. 

We are not talking about physical attributes. We are discussing grooming.

No sensible person cares about the color of your skin, your facial features, your physique, or the way you dress. 

Yet, every reasonable or nonsensical person has the right to judge you based on your appearance.

If you come to work with poor hygiene, you are sending a message to the people around you. 

The message is your incompetency in taking care of yourself.

If you are not responsible for yourself, why would anyone trust you with bigger responsibilities?

There isn’t any excuse to appear unkempt in any manner. 

Look good. It matters.

  • Physical Strength – Whether you are muscular, athletic, or frail, your physical appearance plays a role in the manner people see you. 

I am not asking you to become the next Arnold Schawnezzer or David Goggins. Yet, you are responsible for your physical strength. 

You must ensure that you maintain and increase it.

Your body is where all of your hope, abilities, pain, fear, and disappointments accumulate. Make it strong to bear as much as possible.

Go for running.

Cycle to work.

Go to a gym.

Go to the park.

Do Burpees.

Do Pushups.

Do Squats.

Do chin-ups.

Burn static energy. 

If you are at the peak of your physical health, you will be able to handle more stress and work for longer hours. You will have an energy reserve for other secondary tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and making love.

You won’t like to come back home dead after work and crash on your bed.

You would instead enjoy coming back from work and cooking a decent meal for your partner and having an intimate conversation.

You will only be able to do so if you are physically fit.

Once you start taking care of your physical being, you will, on your own, develop healthy eating habits leading to glowing skin, reduced hair-fall, increased self-control, better posture, and increased self-esteem. 

If you suffer from an addiction disorder, you will be able to manage it efficiently. 

Healthy individuals can quit their bad habits such as smoking, drug addiction, porn addiction, or masturbation swiftly in comparison with unhealthy people.

There is no excuse to be physically unhealthy.

There is no excuse to miss your daily workouts.

Your body is your responsibility.

If you are too tired and cannot get up early for your daily workout, think about those little kids who support their families by waking up at 4 am to distribute the daily newspaper. 

You are enjoying a good life, and you cannot even take care of yourself. That’s a shame!

Once upon a time, Osho was addressing a vast conglomerate of people. He was discussing spiritual awakening. 

He was a magnificent orator. People held their breath when he spoke.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a large cloud appeared, and it started pouring. People tried to disperse and seek shelter.

Osho said, “You guys call yourself seeker, and you are afraid of a few drops of rain!”. 

Everyone froze at their place. 

There was a pin drop silence. 

Osho continued with his speech while it rained.

If you plan to make your life better, yet you can’t open your eyes when it is needed, you deserve to be a beta. 

You just don’t have it in you.

Continue being an average, ready to pour yourself a glass of disappointment. 

A half-empty glass of disappointment.

You kind of deserve it.

Else prove me wrong and get yourself in better shape.

It is proven that society doesn’t appreciate fat, obese, or physically weak individuals. 

Such people not only experience difficulty in finding mates, but they also barely succeed professionally.

If you are okay being mediocre, sleep 10 hours, nobody gives a fuck. 

You are not a desirable member. 

You won’t ever taste success. 

All you will ever secure is another average mate, such as you. 

All you will ever achieve is bringing a few more average specimens to this planet and ruining their lives. 

Good luck with that!

  • Mental Strength – You are responsible for your thoughts. You are responsible for your psyche. 

You could have very well been dealt a bad hand. 

You might suffer from underlying mental disorders and learning disabilities. 

Still, you can emerge a winner.

The goal is to feed your mind quality stuff.

Read great books. 

Not only fiction but books that will help you grow in your professional domain.

Spend time with successful people rather than bottom performers. 

Don’t waste time binge-watching, browsing social media, or on activities that serve no purpose.

Spend time learning. 

Avoid crowds. 

Look inwards.

Find yourself.

Tame yourself.

Learn, Grow, Conquer. Fuck em up!

Apart from your grooming, physical, and mental strength, you also need to work on your attitude, your viewpoints, your analytical skills…… the list is endless. 

You need to become the best version of yourself. 

Once you get in the habit of fulfilling your personal responsibilities, you need to look outwards in the nearest proximity. 

Be responsible for your relationships.

Be responsible for your family.

Uplift your friends.

Tidy your park.

Make your colony a better place.

Help elderly neighbors. 

Check with local hawkers, if you can teach their kids.

Improve your town.

Write letters filled with practical suggestions to your state officials.

Make your country a better place.

You are fucking responsible for this entire planet.

You need to uphold this responsibility.

The first step is being responsible for yourself.

If you cannot afford a bus to your work, you will start walking an hour early to reach on time. You can also ask for a lift from others. You are responsible for your punctuality. There’s no excuse for being late.

If you cannot afford electricity, you will study under the street lamp.

If you do not have the internet at home, you will go to the nearest library to study. 

The idea is to be responsible for yourself. 

Whether you are filthy rich or dirt poor, you must fulfill your responsibilities.

The more responsible you are, the better will be the world around you.

Being Accountable 

Accountability plays a significant role in securing wins. You cannot rise from your current state of misery without being accountable. 

If your boss assigns you a task, what will you do?

Ideally, you will complete the task timely to the best of your abilities.

What if there are other people involved and they are not pulling their weight?

This is a prevalent scenario in professional setups.

Mostly driven individuals have better work ethics in comparison with others, and while working in a team, the team progresses with its own pace, whereas you might be way ahead of them.

In such cases, accountability plays an important role. 

Even if you are not the head of the project, you are accountable for it.

A winner will not leave the completion of tasks for others. A winner will see things through the end. 

After fulfilling your responsibilities, assist others.

Make them work faster.

Share their workload.

Stand beside them and spread positivity.

Most of the people, instead of being accountable, are fearful.

Fear is a lie.

You will always see individuals who are ready with excuses or shift the blame to others.

I have encountered highly paid professionals who, when making a typo error, say that – “A typo error happened!”

No motherfucker!

This is a flawed outlook.

Errors don’t happen.

You made a typo error. You are accountable for it.

The ideal response is – I made this error because I was distracted. I will ensure that from today I proofread every piece of communication from my end.

Accepting your mistakes make you accountable and a better person.

Don’t shift the blame on others or unfavorable situations.

Being accountable improves your problem-solving skills.

A lot of you are working from home. A common excuse remote workers use when unable to meet deadlines is internet issues. However, that’s rarely the case.

Even if that’s the case, an accountable individual will use alternative solutions to meet deadlines. 

They will try to use the mobile internet.

If that fails, they will approach their neighbors and seek their help.

If the neighbor’s wifi is also not working, they will try to complete the work by taking assistance from their friends. 

If a task needs to be completed, it needs to be completed. That too timely!

No governing body cares about excuses.

That is the reason CEOs prefer individuals who provide results rather than those who mostly provide excuses and encounter difficulties.

Our culture has turned us into lazy, inefficient, mediocre performers.

To break this cycle of mediocrity, you must display accountability.

This is the reason accountable people are more reliable and get better rewards.

You must understand that if you want to secure a better position in the human hierarchy, you need to hone your skills and display exemplary behavior.

Accountability and Responsibility are few of such desirable qualities that can get you to the top.

You have two choices now. 

Either you can continue being at the bottom, living an average life surrounded by ordinary people. 

Or you can grab your life by the balls and be more responsible and accountable while slowly climbing towards the top where a better world awaits you.

Choose wisely!

Hope this helped.

What traits do you think shape winners?