Diary Entries of a Liar

Please pay attention dear friend, this is crucial as I am bleeding, bleeding out. I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear this. Even if you do not believe my sole truthful account or rather call this a confession, then I might go away from the world without having said a single word of truth.

On Women – By a liar

I am a liar. And, when I say this is the only time I say the truth. This entire text which you will be reading is an honest account of my lies. I do not want you to believe me as I am a liar. Yet, I will continue sharing my truth.

I am a liar.

I loved a woman and I claimed to be a deserving man. 

I made vows. Honest vows and I broke those vows, why you ask! Because I am a liar!

Were you not listening!

Please pay attention dear friend, this is crucial as I am bleeding, bleeding out. I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear this. Even if you do not believe my sole truthful account or rather call this a confession, then I might go away from the world without having said a single word of truth.

I resume this honest account by me a liar.

So, there was a woman to whom I claimed (lied to) that I loved her. Profoundly! 

It isn’t painful lying. Not initially. Then I felt suffocated. Suffocated in the relationship. 

Then I think I tortured her both spiritually, mentally, and maybe a little existentially. And then she had no choice but to leave and then she left. And then before she left, I lied that I will wait for her. 

I often lie to myself. Quite frequently.

Once you start lying, you start believing your lies too. It is a spiral. A man who lies to himself is a dangerous man. That man is a failed man.

I am a failed man. I am a lair but please hear my honest account, please do as I am bleeding out and I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear my honest account, an honest account by a liar, oh! the irony of this.

So she left and I chased the next beautiful thing that came my way. See, how I casually used the term ‘thing’. It came so naturally. I didn’t use the term woman or person. You see how terrible that is and I claim to my mothers and sisters that I love and respect them while using the term ‘thing’ to describe the female kind. I lie to them. 

I am a failed person. I don’t think I can respect anyone as I do not respect myself. Why would I? I am a failed person. I am a lair. Glad I am bleeding out.

Honestly, the world doesn’t need more people like me. It is already fucked up as it is.

So, I did the same to this wonderful woman. Then came the other. And the next one.

No, I am no Casanova. I am a liar. 

Lying has its own perks and disadvantages

Perk being you can lie your way in and out into anything you want.

Downside: you start believing your lies. You lose the ability to distinguish false from reality, your reality which is already a virtual construct. But that’s another discussion. I don’t want to get into that at this moment as I am bleeding out. 

So after lying to countless women about how beautiful they are and believing the lies at the moment helped me destroy, ravage and act as a savage with many beautiful flowers. I am positive that the term flower is currently being used by me in a sexist manner as I am a degenerate. A spiritual degenerate but nonetheless a degenerate. 

Then came a day, I thought I will mend ways. I decided to become whole. I decided to live the lie. I decided to truly love someone and then she left, like everyone before her. And I think I have bled out.

She left leaving me here to bleed out.

What an ending!

This is magnificent.

I am a lair and I deserve to die. And every drop of my blood is in the drains and now I say goodbye and my lying, degenerate, sick heart will stop beating. 

Sorry to all but then why would you believe my apology, after all, I am a liar!

A Dialogue Within: On Celibacy

If the people around you are mediocre, average, low in openness and unwilling to learn, they will induce toxicity in your life. We all have seen enough examples in the world wherein inefficient people tried to pull down those who did commendable job. To some extent that’s the story of humanity!

Hey you,

Crazy lad!

How are you?

I think this question doesn’t have any integrity as I already know the answer.

You are fucked up!

Which then is alright. It is not that big a deal to feel a set of emotions ready to burst out in material form. All this pain you feel, your pain, all this hurt, injustice, betrayal, humiliation, psychosis, all this are mere bodily fluid driven.

These are a construct through which your mind continues to trap you inside this feeble body of yours.

Your body does have limitations despite your superhuman operational capabilities. Your limitless mind too like others is bound to fall for shiny illusions.

Now, let’s not dwell in philosophical questions as they are something we can discuss lifelong. However, your current misery if not alleviated today, will ruin my tasks. You are not performing.

So, listen to me very carefully as I tell you the correct narrative. 

Everything is a story. You purposefully told yourself a false story because you never wanted to hurt anyone. Maybe it is because you are a good natured fellow or maybe you are just a timid coward. Whatever be the case, today, dear friend, you must bear the truth.

Are you ready!

Whether you are or not, here we go!

Before we begin, how about you try and release those bio chemicals. How you ask!

Sweat, shit, puke, masturbate, get high and repeat. Try this cycle for 8 times and then comeback.

(3 hours later)

Good to see you. Glad to see that yellowish tint fading away from your face. Good job!

Now let me without any further delay tell you what’s bothering you. 

At this moment, you might wonder, “Shouldn’t I be telling him my story and he then suggesting me the right course of action!”

To which I say,‘NO!’

It is only me who will speak today. Not you, not her, not they, not them. I have sat idle for a very long time witnessing others disintegrate you with a steady pace. And I wouldn’t have given much of a fuck either but you are my best employee! And, I need to build an empire. I need people like you, not broken people like you but efficient people like you! So, listen!

There is no problem. 

There is no pain.

Nothing is missing.

Stop imagining shit!

You are perfect in every little manner.

To this you will say,‘No! I have troubles.’

And, what might those troubles be?

Let me, Let me:

You have enough wealth to live a decent life. You have mildly lived up to your parents’ expectations, which is huge! You are sensible, intelligent, creative, caring, honest and kind. These are A-behaviours. You are an A player!

Now let me tell you where does the misery stem from!

The misery comes from you surrounding yourself with B and C players.

If the people around you are mediocre, average, low in openness and unwilling to learn, they will induce toxicity in your life. We all have seen enough examples in the world wherein inefficient people tried to pull down those who did commendable job. To some extent that’s the story of humanity!

So your first problem is your circle. 

Now, I could have asked you to change or shuffle the people around you. However, it is extremely time-consuming and anyway you work better in isolation. So, the first change you need to make is: STOP TALKING TO OTHERS WHO ARE NOT ADDING ANY VALUE TO YOU!

And, now comes the only problem you ever had: GIRL TROUBLE.

I wish there was an easy way to say this but there isn’t one. So, here we go –

THERE ISN’T ANY WOMAN ON THIS PLANET WHO CAN MAKE YOU FEEL COMPLETE. Stop trying to find love, fulfilment, completion and all those false concepts you cling to so dearly.

Be CELIBATE! 

At the risk of offending millions, let me tell you – whether it be Helen of Troy, Draupadi of Mahabharata, Sita of Ramayana or Rose of Titanic, many ships have sunk because of LOVE.

You are the kind who loves to sail on troubled water. You don’t want your ship to sink, do you!

Walk alone. Towards the sun, towards the moon and the stars. Chase truth not a woman. If you truly desire to be fulfilled, walk alone. 

Don’t look for love. Look to serve!

In serving others lies the real happiness. Love is selfish. Lovers are selfish. Failed men and women are selfish!

You my friend are not selfish. And, that is why you will find love but love will never find you. 

Be Celibate dear friend. That’s the only way out from this hole you have gotten yourself into!

(He sat in silence, head hung, tears rolling, lifted his head and said: ‘Yes sir, I understand!’.

The End.

The Dragon King and the Lama

Practice detachment voluntarily. Do not get attached to people, possessions, and philosophies. It all is fleeting. Voluntary detachment leads to an abundance of all you desire. But the first step is to let go of the desires.

Hey folks,

Hope you are doing well.

As promised, I am back with a new cosmic adventure. Here’s a little background: consistent meditation has opened up a portal, leading me to the collective consciousness. I experience something bewildering daily, which I then pen down for you to relish. Here we go –

Once the portal opened, I found myself in the middle of a burning forest. All the creatures were frantically pacing to find a way out, only to collapse, realizing they were trapped. The fire grew wild.

Suddenly, the earth beneath started trembling. A giant Red Dragon came rushing, sweeping every living being using his enormous wings. His wings dragged people and animals from every nook and corner near him. Displaying compassion, he hid every soul under his wings as the forest burned around him.

Witnessing this selfless act stunned and mesmerized me.

In the aftermath, the Dragon was hurt pretty bad. His burnt wings hung loosely like a muscle blob. It marked the beginning of civilization. Everyone came along to start a settlement around the Dragon. They cared for him until he healed. The settlement evolved into a village.

While the Dragon was healing, the villagers enjoyed an ample supply of food by the burnt forest’s grace. They grew strong on nutritious roots and relished cooked food for the first time. They grew gracefully under abundance. Once the Dragon regained his strength, he was appointed protector of the realm. He grew famous as the first Dragon King, often referred to by the children as the Red King.

The Red King always fulfilled his obligations. He made sure that his subjects come to know the wisdom of the great beyond. He helped them hone necessary life skills such as agriculture, metallurgy, linguistics, alchemy, cattle rearing, architecture, music, astronomy, and most importantly, shaped their culture. Within generations, the village grew into one of the most remarkable Eastern Civilizations.

The wheels of destiny kept on turning. The Dragon grew old. He spent most of his time sharing cosmic wisdom to little children.

One day, the head of state came rushing. He alarmed the Red King about a nearing invading force. The conquest seekers were heavily armed and huge in numbers. The chief appealed to the Red King to use magic to destroy the enemy.

‘Oh, the Lord King, I beg thee, burn down these oppressors with your glorious fire. Let the sky hail flames. Save us as you saved our great grandfathers.

The Red King requested some time to consider.

A little kid called Gedun Truppa was the Red King’s best friend those days. He observed this conversation intently.

‘What will you do, Red King? Will you burn them down?’ asked Gedun curiously.

The Dragon appeared perplexed.

‘No, I can’t use my powers for destruction. I can only protect my people from natural forces. This conquest is human-made. They have to resolve it within themselves.’

He paused.

‘But I am plagued by the thoughts of disappointing my loved ones.’

 Saying this, the Dragon hung his head in despair.

The child came nearby and grabbed his toes.

‘You are the great father. If you do not abandon these lost children, they will never find their way back. For them to grow, you will need to detach from your affection. You taught them how to walk. Now it’s time for them to learn sprinting. They must do it on their own.’ Gedun said calmly.

The Red King was amazed by the child’s profound wisdom.

You are a true lama’, exclaimed the Red King as he flew past the setting sun.

Conclusion

Practice detachment voluntarily. Do not get attached to people, possessions, and philosophies. It all is fleeting.

  • Detach: If you cling to material wealth, ego, identities, people, feelings, you will never realize your real strength. Get detached.
  • Align: Attach yourself to a purpose of service. You will experience fulfillment by helping others.
  • Uplift: You can only grow by serving people. You don’t climb mountains on others’ shoulders. You climb by latching to the rope hanging behind them.

Voluntary detachment leads to an abundance of all you desire. But the first step is to let go of the desires.

Are you too attached to your false reality?

Does Hitler deserve forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the only way to attain inner peace. Forgiving misdeeds strengthens your resolve to make our world a better place.

Hey folks,

Hope you are doing well.

As promised, I am back with a new cosmic adventure. Here’s a little background for those who are new: consistent meditation has opened up a portal, which leads me to the collective consciousness. Cosmic reality is majestic. I experience something bewildering daily, which I then pen down for you to relish. Here we go –

Once the portal opened, I found myself in a quiet forest. Upon walking a few steps, a sad sight pained me. A wounded old person tied to a pine tree was bleeding out. I quickly untied and carried him to a nearby stream on my shoulders.

He narrated a painful tale of being held hostage by a group of bandits who robbed his belongings and physically harmed him. His gut-wrenching story broke my heart. I attempted to console him with my signature verbiages:

‘You must forgive them, dear friend. They hurt you because they were in pain. Forgiveness is the only way to attain inner peace.’

I was satisfied with my wise monologue. The old man nodded in agreement.

Delighted with my problem-solving skills, I trotted away into the wild.

Miles Ahead, I encountered a wise wooly mammoth. After we were done with basic niceties, my furry friend questioned my philosophy.

I understand the virtue of forgiveness. What doesn’t make sense is how we can uniformly apply it to every situation?’ he said.

His words got me thinking.

Lost in my deep thoughts, I drifted away, found myself inside a Nazi military complex. It was a time jump.

30th April 1945

I was inside the Führerbunker in Berlin. It was empty. Hitler’s personal protective blanket [Stosstrupp-Hitler (SSH)] had abandoned him. Eva, his wife of the day, lay wiggling on the ground in the aftermath of cyanide poisoning.

The Fuehrer sat calmly beside his fireplace. A shining gun waited patiently in his lap.

His presence itself was agitating. Mostly my cosmic experiences are calm. This one touched all the wrong nerves.

Why do you stare at me with disgust?’ asked Hitler.

‘You alone are responsible for millions of death. How can you sit here in such stillness while your wife is taking her last breath? I think I know the answer. You are a savage. You aren’t human. You are the embodiment of evil. Damn you!’ I yelled passionately.

Hold on your ramble, you inferior being. Before you accuse me of your false concoction, tell me my fault! I thought you were sent to forgive me. Do I not deserve forgiveness?‘ said the Fuhrer.

I was stunned.

Does Hitler deserve forgiveness?

He continued to make his case.

‘All I did was present an idea. I haven’t harmed a single soul. Why am I accountable? I just gave people what they asked for! I gave them an ideology, accepting it, or denying it was their prerogative. I did not march innocent souls into gas chambers. Go find those who did. Direct your hatred towards them.’

He stood up, placed the gun on his temple, and said, ‘You can never practice forgiveness until you don’t decide what you consider unforgivable.’

The gun fired, painting the room red.

I sat in the blood splatter, wondering, how do we determine what’s unforgivable.

There has to be a line.

Conclusion   

Forgiving misdeeds strengthens your resolve to make our world a better place.

  • Holding back: If we hold back our love from those who hurt us, we are no better. Let go of the pain.
  • Healing: Hatred, anguish, bitterness, pain torture the soul. Forgiveness heals. Luke 23:34: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do
  • Moving ahead: Forgiving sinners absolves their sins. Use your gift wisely. Only forgive the deserving. Hate no one.

Our children deserve a better world. Let’s create one!