Diary Entries of a Liar

Please pay attention dear friend, this is crucial as I am bleeding, bleeding out. I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear this. Even if you do not believe my sole truthful account or rather call this a confession, then I might go away from the world without having said a single word of truth.

On Women – By a liar

I am a liar. And, when I say this is the only time I say the truth. This entire text which you will be reading is an honest account of my lies. I do not want you to believe me as I am a liar. Yet, I will continue sharing my truth.

I am a liar.

I loved a woman and I claimed to be a deserving man. 

I made vows. Honest vows and I broke those vows, why you ask! Because I am a liar!

Were you not listening!

Please pay attention dear friend, this is crucial as I am bleeding, bleeding out. I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear this. Even if you do not believe my sole truthful account or rather call this a confession, then I might go away from the world without having said a single word of truth.

I resume this honest account by me a liar.

So, there was a woman to whom I claimed (lied to) that I loved her. Profoundly! 

It isn’t painful lying. Not initially. Then I felt suffocated. Suffocated in the relationship. 

Then I think I tortured her both spiritually, mentally, and maybe a little existentially. And then she had no choice but to leave and then she left. And then before she left, I lied that I will wait for her. 

I often lie to myself. Quite frequently.

Once you start lying, you start believing your lies too. It is a spiral. A man who lies to himself is a dangerous man. That man is a failed man.

I am a failed man. I am a lair but please hear my honest account, please do as I am bleeding out and I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear my honest account, an honest account by a liar, oh! the irony of this.

So she left and I chased the next beautiful thing that came my way. See, how I casually used the term ‘thing’. It came so naturally. I didn’t use the term woman or person. You see how terrible that is and I claim to my mothers and sisters that I love and respect them while using the term ‘thing’ to describe the female kind. I lie to them. 

I am a failed person. I don’t think I can respect anyone as I do not respect myself. Why would I? I am a failed person. I am a lair. Glad I am bleeding out.

Honestly, the world doesn’t need more people like me. It is already fucked up as it is.

So, I did the same to this wonderful woman. Then came the other. And the next one.

No, I am no Casanova. I am a liar. 

Lying has its own perks and disadvantages

Perk being you can lie your way in and out into anything you want.

Downside: you start believing your lies. You lose the ability to distinguish false from reality, your reality which is already a virtual construct. But that’s another discussion. I don’t want to get into that at this moment as I am bleeding out. 

So after lying to countless women about how beautiful they are and believing the lies at the moment helped me destroy, ravage and act as a savage with many beautiful flowers. I am positive that the term flower is currently being used by me in a sexist manner as I am a degenerate. A spiritual degenerate but nonetheless a degenerate. 

Then came a day, I thought I will mend ways. I decided to become whole. I decided to live the lie. I decided to truly love someone and then she left, like everyone before her. And I think I have bled out.

She left leaving me here to bleed out.

What an ending!

This is magnificent.

I am a lair and I deserve to die. And every drop of my blood is in the drains and now I say goodbye and my lying, degenerate, sick heart will stop beating. 

Sorry to all but then why would you believe my apology, after all, I am a liar!

A Dialogue Within: On Celibacy

If the people around you are mediocre, average, low in openness and unwilling to learn, they will induce toxicity in your life. We all have seen enough examples in the world wherein inefficient people tried to pull down those who did commendable job. To some extent that’s the story of humanity!

Hey you,

Crazy lad!

How are you?

I think this question doesn’t have any integrity as I already know the answer.

You are fucked up!

Which then is alright. It is not that big a deal to feel a set of emotions ready to burst out in material form. All this pain you feel, your pain, all this hurt, injustice, betrayal, humiliation, psychosis, all this are mere bodily fluid driven.

These are a construct through which your mind continues to trap you inside this feeble body of yours.

Your body does have limitations despite your superhuman operational capabilities. Your limitless mind too like others is bound to fall for shiny illusions.

Now, let’s not dwell in philosophical questions as they are something we can discuss lifelong. However, your current misery if not alleviated today, will ruin my tasks. You are not performing.

So, listen to me very carefully as I tell you the correct narrative. 

Everything is a story. You purposefully told yourself a false story because you never wanted to hurt anyone. Maybe it is because you are a good natured fellow or maybe you are just a timid coward. Whatever be the case, today, dear friend, you must bear the truth.

Are you ready!

Whether you are or not, here we go!

Before we begin, how about you try and release those bio chemicals. How you ask!

Sweat, shit, puke, masturbate, get high and repeat. Try this cycle for 8 times and then comeback.

(3 hours later)

Good to see you. Glad to see that yellowish tint fading away from your face. Good job!

Now let me without any further delay tell you what’s bothering you. 

At this moment, you might wonder, “Shouldn’t I be telling him my story and he then suggesting me the right course of action!”

To which I say,‘NO!’

It is only me who will speak today. Not you, not her, not they, not them. I have sat idle for a very long time witnessing others disintegrate you with a steady pace. And I wouldn’t have given much of a fuck either but you are my best employee! And, I need to build an empire. I need people like you, not broken people like you but efficient people like you! So, listen!

There is no problem. 

There is no pain.

Nothing is missing.

Stop imagining shit!

You are perfect in every little manner.

To this you will say,‘No! I have troubles.’

And, what might those troubles be?

Let me, Let me:

You have enough wealth to live a decent life. You have mildly lived up to your parents’ expectations, which is huge! You are sensible, intelligent, creative, caring, honest and kind. These are A-behaviours. You are an A player!

Now let me tell you where does the misery stem from!

The misery comes from you surrounding yourself with B and C players.

If the people around you are mediocre, average, low in openness and unwilling to learn, they will induce toxicity in your life. We all have seen enough examples in the world wherein inefficient people tried to pull down those who did commendable job. To some extent that’s the story of humanity!

So your first problem is your circle. 

Now, I could have asked you to change or shuffle the people around you. However, it is extremely time-consuming and anyway you work better in isolation. So, the first change you need to make is: STOP TALKING TO OTHERS WHO ARE NOT ADDING ANY VALUE TO YOU!

And, now comes the only problem you ever had: GIRL TROUBLE.

I wish there was an easy way to say this but there isn’t one. So, here we go –

THERE ISN’T ANY WOMAN ON THIS PLANET WHO CAN MAKE YOU FEEL COMPLETE. Stop trying to find love, fulfilment, completion and all those false concepts you cling to so dearly.

Be CELIBATE! 

At the risk of offending millions, let me tell you – whether it be Helen of Troy, Draupadi of Mahabharata, Sita of Ramayana or Rose of Titanic, many ships have sunk because of LOVE.

You are the kind who loves to sail on troubled water. You don’t want your ship to sink, do you!

Walk alone. Towards the sun, towards the moon and the stars. Chase truth not a woman. If you truly desire to be fulfilled, walk alone. 

Don’t look for love. Look to serve!

In serving others lies the real happiness. Love is selfish. Lovers are selfish. Failed men and women are selfish!

You my friend are not selfish. And, that is why you will find love but love will never find you. 

Be Celibate dear friend. That’s the only way out from this hole you have gotten yourself into!

(He sat in silence, head hung, tears rolling, lifted his head and said: ‘Yes sir, I understand!’.

The End.

Are you doing it right?

Sex alone can stabilize the levels of serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine in our bodies. To achieve spirituality, we need our biochemicals in balance. We do yoga, tai-chi, meditation, avoid stress, eat healthily, read, seek entertainment, browse social media, all in an attempt to get better doses of biochemicals. A single passionate sexual encounter can provide all of this. Instead of focusing on so many activities to reach a state of balance, you might wanna focus on sex. All else will then be easy.

Goodmorning planet,

How are you doing today?

I am fantastic.

Today during my early morning run, I encountered the lovely smell of flower mist.

Remember those ancient times, during our childhood, when you passed by flower gardens, which filled your lungs with an intoxicating fragrance. Surprisingly as we grew, the flowers stopped smelling pleasant. It’s not that they became extinct. Flowers are still around. Those you find at your local flower seller smell good and trick you into believing that it is real. Even though we all are well aware that these are sprayed with chemicals to look fresh and smell sweet, we compromise. We trick ourselves into believing the flowers are fresh and fragrant—things we do to smile.

It’s all right. I am not passing any judgments. Just sharing my observations.

I am not sure what changed today.

Was I more aware than other days? That doesn’t seem practical.

Maybe it’s because it rained last night.

I am not going to involve too much energy trying to figure out the reason behind this rare phenomenon. You should also try to wake up early someday and visit your local park and love those flowers as you love your wife or your partner or that sidearm squeeze you bang apart from the honest specimen at home.

The smell of those lovely flowers did bring back some old memories.

I recalled how I used to use flowers to cement my relationships. Now I use plants.

Recently on my first anniversary, I gave my partner a moon-cactus plant.

All these talks of flowers and plants pushed my stray thoughts into a dungeon of crooked modern courtship practices and failed relationships.

Something as beautiful as love is now being searched for on dating apps such as Tinder. I am not against hookups. If you love hooking up, hook yourself up with whomsoever you please. My concern is this false legitimacy of hookup culture as dating.

An app with an end goal of getting laid and releasing your sexual energies cannot be called a dating app. We should choose words carefully while describing events, phenomena, or things.

I have witnessed my friends of both the genders struggling to cope up with the psychological effects of hookups, ruminating the false set of expectations whether the girl or boy will contact them again or not.

Once again, a hook-up is no strings attached.

You cannot expect your hook-ups to court you.

People are way confused between steamy, raunchy sex, and a nurturing relationship.

How did we reach here? Let’s find out!

History of Relationships

So, centuries ago, we were hunters and gatherers. We were sexually free.

There was no concept of possession. Therefore a man or a woman never belonged to anyone. They both played their individual assigned roles and responsibilities.

Evidence indicates that all kinds of small bands of hunters and gatherers existed. A few believed in relationships. However, most of them were in an open relationship wherein everyone fucked everyone. There was a mother. There was never a father.

Few cultures believed that if a woman fornicated with many men, the chances would be higher for the offspring to be abundant in a diverse range of qualities and skills. Don’t forget there were no genetic studies back then. Nobody knew how things really worked even though they had a few ill-formed theories.

Then came the agricultural revolution which fucked things for all of us. Earlier, we used to wander new territories and explore new lands. Agricultural revolution domesticated us. From an evolutionary point of view, as Yuval Noah Harari puts it, we didn’t domesticate wild crops. Instead, wild crops such as wheat domesticated us. We became stagnant, forced to live in small areas in increasing numbers, surrounded by germs and microbes. From free creatures for whom the world was the elixir, we became filthy stinking creatures who ate where they shat.

I will not continue defaming the agricultural revolution. However, demeaning it was for humankind, it did bring a lot many advancements in human society.

Now because we stayed in a single place, we came up with the idea of territory.

We coined the feeling of possession.

Entitlement. 

It’s my land.

Imagine you were sitting on a mountaintop 10,000 years ago. Someone came and claimed it was his mountain. How would you have felt?

How can a piece of land be someone’s? 

Nonetheless, we are highly imaginative characters. We built a few collective narratives like religion, politics, gods, and nations, to validate our actions and thoughts.

The idea of possession gave birth to the concept of marriage.

A new kind of institution was born—the institution of marriage. It believed in the sanctity of the bond between a man and a woman.

Marriages solved a lot of problems.

Now finding a suitable partner was no longer a responsibility of the self. It was delegated to the elders of the family, clan, and society. Marriages became a tool of convenience. Sisters & daughters were handed over to strengthen bonds between communities, kingdoms, and empires.

This setup continued for centuries after the agricultural revolution. It played a crucial role in increasing the headcount of our species.

I am positive many of these marriages must have been a fulfilling experience for both partners. However, my guess is as good as yours.

During ancient times the state was powerless when it came to the functioning of families and extended families. Villages were closed knit communities. Elders were self-appointed governors.

Then came the industrial revolution. The industrial revolution changed the way societies functioned. In the past, the majority of the population was mostly static, sticking to their birthplaces. Merchants frequently traveled, however, the idea was to earn more wealth. People rarely migrated searching for better opportunities and lifestyles.

The industrial revolution changed this. A big chunk of the population migrated from villages to prosperous cities in an attempt to make a claim at the riches cities used to flout.

The industrial revolution broke the family apart. Joint families gave way to nuclear families. The state grew more robust, started to interfere in the functioning of families. Human rights and women’s rights were introduced. Now, in theory, anyone was allowed to marry anybody and start a family together until the time they paid their dues to the state (taxes) and were model citizens.

Despite such drastic changes in human society, a bond that never changed was the relationship between a man and a woman. Today we will try to understand what this bond is and how we can strengthen it to enjoy a blissful life.

The importance of an intimate relationship

Despite the growing isolation in today’s society, one cannot deny the importance of an intimate relationship. A loner female also daydreams about a loner male with whom she wants to share a few laughs and eventually bed. A fulfilling sexual experience with someone we are fond of is likely to uplift our mood and help us see clearly. At the same time, we crave someone with whom we can share every aspect of our lives. Someone in front of whom we can be pure, unapologetic versions of ourselves. This need for a partner is as potent as a female’s desire for motherhood or a farmers’ desire for rains.

Men and women equally crave for healthy bonding with the opposite sex. We all want to fall in love, imagine fairy tale weddings, and set goals of starting a family sometime soon.

The current scenario

The industrial revolution, followed by the scientific revolution, transformed the fabric of our society. From a broader perspective, men and women enjoy equal rights and status, which wasn’t the case centuries ago. This change of dynamic clubbed with deteriorating social bonds has messed up relationship dynamics as well.

Initially, marriage was the one and only goal. None of our ancestors dated multiple partners and fell in love with one, only to realize that he/she isn’t the right person. Finally, divorcing the partner and starting the whole cycle fresh.

Urban men and women are not dependent on each other. They each make their own living and have a unique set of expectations from their partners.

Expectations mostly ruin relationships.

If an alien visits our planet. This is how she will explain our pursuit and need for a loving partner:

“Men and women are always on the lookout for a partner. Ideally, the goal is procreation, however, these creatures have a diverse set of rituals before they indulge in mating.

They dress fancily in conjunction with other animals on the planet. Females flaunt plumage, and men display a loving ferocity. What makes these species unique is their fondness of a variety of games to strengthen their bonding with their mate.

These humans visit a variety of congregations where they get intoxicated, dance and grope each other before culminating the night with fornication. Surprisingly fornication is only a small part of human mating. Every other activity plays as vital role as fornication in ensuring the male and the female stay together loyally for extended periods. Yet, these humans make fornication as the epicenter of their relationship rituals.”

Tough to rule out such an accurate perspective.

Boy meets girl and what happens after

Now that in theory, men and women hold equal rights and responsibilities, the relationship dynamic has revolutionized. In the past, both men and women assumed they were fated to be together. Divorces were a rare phenomenon. Due to elders’ interference and an obligation to maintain a social upstanding, partners split only in exceptional cases.

With the advent of the birth control pill, women were truly free from biological shackles. Now women could explore their sexuality without the fear of losing their careers and personal freedom. 70’s witnessed an era of the sexual revolution. Females now could choose mates as per their own preferences. And if found unworthy could dispose of them discreetly without much social outcry.

Presently in urban cities, men and women living together share equal responsibilities, not doomed to stay together in an unfulfilling relationship.

Let’s explore how a relationship progresses:

Step 1: A boy or a girl or both start fancying each other

Step 2: One of them is bold enough to start a conversation to spend some alone time

*So far, the attraction between the sexes is purely material either fueled by physical attractiveness or financial dominance.

Step 3: Both the partners share more about each other and frame a primary personality type of the person they are spending time with

Step 4: After a few enjoyable encounters, if both are willing, they indulge in fornication

Step 5: If the fornication is as good as spending time together, the relationship further strengthens

Step 6: After a few years of togetherness, spending a short time loving and ton of time arguing, both agree to spend life together

Step 7: If both maintain their personalities without going through radical change, chances are they might have an offspring together

Step 8: If things go all right, the couple stays together till the end of their time on the planet

The above representation is the most ideal circumstance. However, the reality is highly complicated.

As per statistics, the chances are very high that the partners lie to each other, do not settle disputes, engage in infidelity, are absolutely dishonest, do not share household responsibilities, try and break each other’s spirit until someone snaps and the relationship ends.

Have you ever wondered what is causing this deterioration in a wholesome experience, which impacts the quality of our lives profoundly?

From what I have read, researched, and understood, we are playing a game that we are inapt for. We need to change our strategy. We need to incorporate a relationship regime.

If we want a healthy life, we follow a healthy lifestyle.

If we want a sharp mind, we stay away from substances and embrace meditation and yoga.

If we want a strong body, we eat healthily and do strength training at least 4 times a week.

If we want a successful career, we work hard, build relationships, and take advantage of the right opportunities.

Similarly, if we want a healthy relationship, there are things that we must do in a clock-like manner.

A few years ago, a distressed female shared her ugly relationship details with me. She was hugely bummed by the fact that she and her partner didn’t communicate much and never resolved any issues.

I suggested she try to note down her expectations and discuss it with her partner like adults. She laughed maniacally at my advice. She enlightened me that relationship problems cannot be resolved by making notes on a paper.

Well, here was a distressed individual who wasn’t even willing to try new approaches.

I hope you are not as stuck up as her or else you are wasting your time here. Because today we will explore how we can strengthen our relationships with our partners using the right measures instead of relying on occasional emotional outbursts.

Past relationship experiences

Before we move ahead, we need to understand the role of our past experiences in shaping our existing relationships.

We all are familiar with mommy and daddy issues. Our parents hold the utmost level of passive control both on our emotions and sexuality. As put forward by Freud in the Oedipus & Electra complex, children have an unconscious sexual desire towards the opposite sex parent.

Little boys are sexually attracted to their mother and little girls towards their father.

This initial attraction marks the foundation for parental approval, love, romantic notions, and sexual partner choice.

Men and women who felt ignored and unloved by their parents during their formative years end up with various personality disorders, most common being a tendency to please people.

Mommy Issues

A male choice of partners and relationship dynamics are a by-product of his relationship with his mother.

If a male always wishes to please his mother, he is more likely to not resolve conflicts with his partner and compromise leading to an unsettling relationship.

If the mother holds a great deal of control over a man, he will never be able to make firm decisions independently. His decision-making capabilities will be compromised, leading to an immature reaction during relationship conflicts.

Men should do daily journaling for months or even years until the time they have torn apart their life entirely in an attempt to get rid of this toxic mommy influence.

Write down detailed accounts of all memories, both good and bad, around your mother.

Try and understand why you did what you did.

Understand your choices. 

Understand your decisions.

Forgive yourself and your mother.

Hold no resentment.

If a female senses a man is too troubled with mommy issues, the best she can do is keep distance and allow the partner to heal. Often traumatized females prefer to be the mother instead of helping their partners to grow. That’s just throwing another set of nipples to a suckling child who is hell-bent on biting off those titties.

It will result in a disaster.

Daddy Issues

As is the case with males, similarly, females suffer from daddy issues. Females are more likely to choose their partners as per the understanding of their fathers.

While growing up, a female craves love, validation, and acceptance from her father. Her relationship with her father will pave the foundation on which she will measure her future relationships/partners.

Fathers come in diverse packaging. There will be those who would shower their daughters with abundant love and affection. They will make their daughters feel entitled and loved, expecting nothing in return. This princess treatment is likely to influence the daughters to assume they will always receive love irrespective of whether they deserve it. Such daughters will always feel unloved in future relationships because no boy will ever be able to love her even remotely closer to the way daddy did.

Well, Daddy just fucked her daughter for a lifetime! He meant well, but he messed it up.

Those abusive, violent, wife beaters of a father will force the daughters into believing all men are ugly, and they will always have unstable relationships. Either they will crave excitement by being around the so-called “bad boys” attempting to fix them or keep on bouncing from one guy to the next, hoping to find love and acceptance daddy never gave.

I can go on and on about different types of fathers and how they will impact a daughter’s choice of partners. But I guess you get the gist.

A request to every daughter whether she had a loving father or not, please let it go.

Your father was your past. Despite him being an inadequate asshole or overprotective or abusive, he wanted to love you. He did a poor job at it, but he wanted to. Whatever you are today – a strong, self-made female- hadn’t been possible without what you went through. 

Thank your stars that your father despised you or spoiled you.

Hold no resentment. 

Call him, text him, write to him.

Let him know, despite being good, bad, or ugly, he will always be your father, and you will always love him.

His life force created you. You cannot be happy until you accept him for the monster he is.

Once you forgive him, you will be at peace with yourself and ready to fall in love with the right person instead of getting influenced by your unresolved trauma expecting your partner to be your new DADDY!

Past Relationships

Mommy & Daddy issues influence our relationships immensely, so do our previous relationships. If we were in a relationship that did not fare well, we hold on to the trauma. Either we would like to recreate a similar relationship or work around the same lines.

If your partner cheated on you in your previous relationship, either you would be overly suspicious of your existing partner, like snooping on their texts and emails, or maybe you will develop a cuckold or a threesome fantasy. People cope in different ways.

Similarly, if you were in an abusive relationship in the past, chances are higher you won’t enjoy a lot with an agreeable partner. Your idea of a romantic relationship was defined by a constant state of chaos after which you engaged in a steamy hate fuck. That’s how you were used to living in a relationship.

Suddenly, now you are with an agreeable person, who discusses issues, seeks a middle ground, and maturely resolves problems. You will start to crave an uncertainty, toxic influence that is not present. You may feel the urge to cheat on this someone because, in your mind, your relationship is dull. You are seeking a different kind of high. Chasing past emotions!

It is absolutely normal to crave your relationships on the structure your initial relationships were formed on. However, breaking the pattern is the right choice. The age we live in makes it impossible to know beforehand what new surprises a new partner will bring in. If you are healthy both physically and emotionally, you should seek a healthy partner and see how your relationship shapes up.

Building a relationship is like gardening.

You moisten the land.

You sow the seeds.

You continuously water.

Add compost.

Take care of the growing plant.

Keep on removing the dead leaves.

And, voila in a few years, you might have something worth cherishing.

The first step will always be to become emotionally and physically healthy. 

B-grade movies and cheap fiction have made us believe there is someone out there who would make us whole. However, in reality, our emotional well being will attract the right person, not the other way round.

Yes, being with a loving partner will indeed improve the quality of your life. However, it will only last if you have worked on yourself to deserve such a partner. Otherwise, you will keep jumping from one shitty relationship to the other, fucking yourself up in the way.

If you are not healthy, you shouldn’t step into a relationship. It will be toxic for both you and your partner. Invest some time in fixing yourself to attract a desirable partner. Do not settle for anyone who comes in the way, hoping this time it will be different.

How to better your relationship

So far, we have discussed the importance of relationships and the various factors which influence our choices and actions in a relationship. Now comes how can we better our existing relationships.

We will be discussing this in detail in the following sections. For now, let’s see how an ideal day should be in a relationship.

Mornings: Mornings are extremely important. It sets the mood and tone of your entire day. If you are living together, your morning should begin with a soulful gaze. If you guys wake up at the same time, then nothing like that. The moment you wake up, make out for a minute or two.

(I am assuming you brushed your teeth before going to bed last night) 

Touch her.

Hug her.

Make your partner feel special through your eyes and body.

Say nice things.

Tell her why you love her so much.

Make her realize how special she is.

If this requires work from your end, put in some work. Relationships are not built on hollow ground. You should be ready to work for a happy relationship. 

During your free time daily, make notes about what you like about your partner. 

What you love about this crazy woman. It could be as simple as her big booty, her culinary skills, or as complicated as her ultra sensitiveness, orderliness, cleanliness, or whatever lights up your face. Go figure it out.

Engage in some activity together.

Drink tea/coffee together.

Prepare meals together.

Meditate together. 

If you are a better cook, then maybe she can chop vegetables.

Remember, you guys are one, split into two physical mediums.

The relationship makes you one. That’s the beauty of a healthy relationship.

Beyond that, help her get ready for work. Be involved in her choices. If she wants your input about what she should wear, be there fucker!

If you guys are not living together, make sure you text, email, or call her first thing in the morning. You need to begin the day lovingly. What’s the point of being with someone if you cannot be head over heels. You must enjoy every moment of togetherness, else relationship will also turn into nothing more than a chore.

Afternoons: After your lunch, doesn’t matter how busy your day is, you should check in with your partner at least once. Do not plan a long conversation, you both have work to do. Just an affectionate hello would do.

01.23 pm – Hey, my day is going great. Your thoughts make it beautiful.

Or

Hey, not having a good day, glad there’s something I love. (and that’s you silly!)

Out of ideas, Google cheesy oneliners and throw them at your partner. Your efforts make it special.

Hey, I am feeling a little light. Seems like someone stole my heart. Was that you?

Or just send a selfie, you lazy motherfucker! But do something.

Evenings: Evenings are lovely. You will be meeting the love of your life in the next few hours. Let her know how excited you are.

Can’t wait to see you!

Dinner with you is similar to sex with Angelina, and I just said no to her, so dinner with you it is!

Be innovative. Be affectionate.

I can assure you, if you genuinely love your partner, you will never run out of ideas to create such tiny moments. And such small moments are what bring people together. You can’t wait for your annual vacation to rekindle your love life. That’s stupid!

If you can’t love your partner in the city, mountains and oceans won’t make any difference.

Nights: Fuck motherfuckers! What do you want from me, a manual on how to do it? I am not writing it today! Maybe in the next few months.

The importance of sex

Sex alone can stabilize the levels of serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine in our bodies. To achieve spirituality, we need our biochemicals in balance. We do yoga, tai-chi, meditation, avoid stress, eat healthily, read, seek entertainment, browse social media, all in an attempt to get better doses of biochemicals. A single passionate sexual encounter can provide all of this. Instead of focusing on so many activities to reach a state of balance, you might wanna focus on sex. All else will then be easy.

Me and my partner, when we had sex for the first time, she said something beautiful.

She said, “Nishant, it feels so good when you are inside me, it feels like a missing puzzle piece perfectly fit together.”

I understand this might not sound sexy to most of you, but for me, this was the most beautiful expression anyone could come up with during or after sex

Sex is the most fun activity two individuals can engage in. If you are in a loving relationship, the pleasure intensifies a million folds.

Sadly, research studies indicate that we are not doing it right!

Yes, you heard it correct – we are not doing it right!

Most of the men are two pump wonders who think pushing themselves violently into their partners adds pleasure to both. If you are hungry for weeks, a dry morsel will also present itself as a delicacy. However, in daily life, every dish needs to be beautifully garnished to increase the dish’s appeal.

The anticipation of a tasty meal adds to the taste.

The smell of a dish opens up your taste buds.

You do not devour an expensive food item in an elite restaurant. You eat it slowly, feeling every bite to its full.

Sex is no different.

Let’s learn how to make sex work for us and our relationship. How to avoid being a slave to beastly impulses!

Preparation 

Spontaneity rewards us undoubtedly. Many times a spontaneous, unplanned sexual encounter makes the act more beautiful. In one of my previous relationships, my partner and I were having a violent fight. We were pushing each other and pulling each other’s hair. In between, she lost control and hit me on my face. I couldn’t reciprocate that, so at the moment, I bit her on the lips. Moments later, our aggressiveness transformed into a violent sexual encounter. We both were tearing each other clothes and fucking so hard that books started to fall on the ground from the shelves. We broke vases, glass items, and the whole room looked like a tornado just passed by. It was surreal.

However, an encounter like this cannot be planned. Neither can you have one of these more than twice a year. If you are doing this frequently, chances are higher, things are not working all right in your relationship. You guys might be hate fucking without even knowing it. Staying in a relationship just for the sake of sex is equivalent to casual dating. There are enough examples to indicate it isn’t a healthy trend.

Therefore we must plan in advance.

Imagine your partner passing you a note in the morning, which says, “Wanna make me your bitch tonight?

You send another note, “Yes, I am going to make you beg!”

(If any of you feminists are flaring noses about the taboo language, maybe you do not know how fun it is to talk dirty. You might wanna pull your heads out of your asses and try taboo language sometimes—taboo for you, of course. We are free. You appear to be too uptight. Calling someone slut, whore is not an insult during sex, call men names also, no one is stopping you!)

Imagine your thought process the whole day!

Both of you will see a crazy energy fill inside you. You guys would restlessly wait for the day to end.

Just because you waited for something to happen an entire day will increase the pleasure out of it thousands of times.

Preparation tips

Dress sexily. You and your partner both deserve a rush of visual sensory pleasure. Don’t deprive them by wearing mickey mouse print undies and batman shorts, unless that’s your thing.

Girls, boys prefer women who are in touch with their sexuality. If you cannot be that person in bed, you are not the right partner.

Not everyone wants a cute girl to fuck. And even if they do, try different avatars. Don’t be boring!

Be clean. Once again, unless both of you are into too much hair, be clean. The human tongue is a great sensory organ. It can do wonderful things. If you want to heighten pleasure, try being hairless. Allow your partner to explore every corner of your physical body. They won’t be able to if every now and then a bunch of hair chokes them.

Shed your inhibitions. There are tons of new things to try for both of you as a couple. There’s rimming, BDSM, threesomes, cuckold, roleplay, anal, toys, deep throat, dirty talk. Slowly and gradually, as per your convenience, push your boundaries. The couples you hate, think they are pretentious fucks because they appear to be having such a good time always are actually having a good time. They are not doing missionary 365 days a year. Let this settle in!

Don’t be selfish. In one of my past relationships, there was this female with a bush down there. Which is alright, I am not complaining. I was experienced enough to know how to steer clear of the forest and only focus on the nectar of life. However, she was never comfortable, giving me a blow job. Once again, it was okay with me. I derive pleasure from pleasing my partner, that’s my thing.

One day my tongue slipped into her asshole, probably my bad because I hadn’t done expectation setting. I don’t blame her, however, her disgusted reaction just killed the vibe. In a matter of days, we split. Now she’s an overweight mother bored with her sexual life. She’s only 32! You can imagine where she’s heading towards. A blissful happy married life isn’t on the charts.

Setting matters. Your bedroom is a sacred space. It’s a place where you and your partner will explore the unknown. It needs to be perfect. You cannot have a clumsy bedroom with too much bright lighting. That’s purposefully sabotaging your sexual life.

Imagine your spiritual guru’s photo hanging on top of your bed. Your partner gets a boner, and suddenly you see the guru watching you. You might not feel like taking it in your mouth with your guru’s icy cold gaze piercing you. Even if you are comfortable with your guru watching (maybe you are into that kind of shit, I am not passing judgment), why have unnecessary distractions?

Make sure the lighting is proper. Not too dim that you cannot clearly see your partner’s naked form, neither too bright as it kills the vibe. You do not want to see every mole and stretch mark, do you? If you do more power to you. If not, adjust the lighting accordingly.

No baby stuff, please. Even if you guys are new parents, don’t have diapers and kids toys lying around. That’s just a constant reminder that there’s a greater responsibility to be taken care of. It will impact your performance. You do not open up your email or hang your work trophies and certificates while having sex, then why display your kid’s stuff.

Fragrance matters. Not only both of you have to smell nice, but the room also. You won’t feel like cuming on your partner’s face, neither will she like to sit on your face if your room smell like Butter chicken or Ceaser Salad.

Smell is a powerful way through which our bodies communicate. Both before and during sex, our bodies secrete pheromones to entice our partners, which increases pleasure. Try sniffing her armpits for once, you would realize what I am talking about.

Sex in Action

For morons, I have broken down a sexual encounter in 3 acts. Let’s begin with Act 1.

Act 1: Foreplay

Correct me if I am wrong, especially females (leave comments). What I have gathered after speaking to 17 females who frequently indulged in casual sex with guys they met on Tinder is none of the boys gave too much weightage to foreplay. The average foreplay included a little of kissing, fingering and lasted less than 7-10 mins. Studies indicate that it takes around 45 minutes for a female genital to reach its peak state of lubrication. And on average, guys are only spending 23 minutes in the entire act. So most of the men are leaving their partners unsatisfied.

Females also shared that due to the casual and intense nature of the encounter, some of them did have orgasms, yet they wanted more foreplay.

I am not sure whether to attribute this behavior to the selfishness of men or overconfidence.

The bottom line, violently pushing your fingers into a female’s genitalia is not foreplay. Seems like men are watching the wrong kind of porn. Nonetheless, its never too late. You guys can surely mend your ways and become better in bed.

Sex is an act of giving. You have to offer all you have to your partner. There are many pleasure points in the human body. Intercourse without stimulating all of them is like eating your food raw without any spices or even salt.

Television has forced us into believing sex is a fast act wherein you tear off your partner’s clothes and start shoving things into her. Reality begs to differ.

Start on a gentle note. 

Use all the tools to your disposal. 

Use your lips, tongue, hands, and, of course, the rest of your body. 

Caress every part of her. 

Not even a single inch of her body should be left untouched.

Instead of watching porn, watch animal kingdom. See how animals make love.

They begin with smelling their partners. The scent of a body is a powerful aphrodisiac in its own. Cities have dulled down our sense of smell. You need to reclaim it. 

Smell her.

Lick her. 

She should be drenched in your saliva for the first 15-20 minutes.

Then slowly move towards her vagina.

Gently caress it using your fingers.

Feel every part of her genitalia. Lick it.

Lick her ass.

Your tongue should go so deep in her ass (literally) that you should be able to taste the shit she has been through (metaphorically). Make her feel loved while containing her feminine energy with a masculine force. She should feel your power.

Females need to do the same. His balls should ache. He should cry in pain before you allow him to enter inside you.

During foreplay, use external tools also. It is really disappointing that very few couples are using sex toys. We buy tools to help us in our daily activities, starting with brushing teeth, cleaning, cooking, and going to sleep. When we use external help in everything we do, why are we avoiding them in something that can magically transform our mental state and the quality of our life?

Every couple should try sex toys and that too in an incremental manner. Begin with the basics. Try lube, vibrators, lingerie, roleplay costumes. After few months, move on to butt plugs, dildos, and whatever else turns your crank.

You need to make sure that your foreplay lasts at least 30-45 minutes. Penetration before that is similar to eating uncooked food.

Act 2 – Intercourse

After both of you have spent 45 minutes in foreplay, now your bodies are ready for intercourse. Once again, intercourse doesn’t mean shoving your dick into her and pushing a few times. Intercourse, in itself, is an art that needs to be performed creatively. There are tons of literature available online about new positions. Try at least 5-7 every time. You guys do not have to make intercourse mundane. 

Be a bit playful. 

Pace yourself accordingly.

Both of you should take charge.

Let her ride as she pleases.

Dominate her a few times.

Be versatile.

If you feel you can’t last long, pull it out and get back to foreplay. Once you relax a bit, begin intercourse again.

We must understand sex is not a monotonous act. It is a very involving act demanding a high level of awareness. You must be in good physical shape and a relaxed mental state to enjoy the bliss. This state can only be achieved by caring for each other in your daily lives. You cannot have a messed up relationship and hope the sex will be awesome.

Mostly for women, talking and fucking go hand in hand.

Communicate during intercourse. Check each other comfort level. Adjust accordingly.

Act 3Pillow talk

Fuck Act 1 & 2! Even if you fail miserably in both acts, Act 3 is what matters. After sex, both of you are in a unique physical and mental state. Your body and mind are experiencing a state that can barely be achieved after an hour of yoga and meditation combined. Use it to strengthen your relationship. Don’t be an ass and go to sleep.

Talk to your partner.

Tell her why you love her.

Share your dreams and aspirations.

Recall the best moments of the day.

Make each other feel good.

If there are any issues to be discussed, this might be an excellent time to get them sorted. And most importantly, lie naked against each other.

Do not rush into wearing clothes. That shows you have a low self-image. Your bodies must communicate with each other in this unique state. This will only make the physical bonding stronger. Someday when you guys would like to try anal or any different difficult position, your bodies won’t act stiff because it has bonded with the partner’s body.

And guys, she might want to use a strap on someday and fuck your ass. It is alright. Be open to new experiences. If she does things for you, you can’t refuse when it’s your turn.

Taboo Sex

I am going to keep this section brief. Maybe I will write another essay focusing solely on taboo sex. For today just a little bit of healthy discussion.

We are sexual beings. For centuries we have been sexually free. Somehow, modern society restricted our sexual impulses, which turned so bad that females are not even allowed to talk about sex or even their periods. You can imagine what this has done to our psyche. We have become slaves.

Sex is a medium to reach nirvana. For that, one must try new things. I am not forcing you to. However, please understand it is normal for a partner to suggest BDSM, Voyeurism, Cuckold, Threesomes, Swapping, or sexual encounters of such nature, which are considered taboo by society.

If two people love each other immensely, they won’t feel insecure about bringing someone else in bed with them or doing things a little out of the ordinary.

If you doubt my claim, check erotic sculptures in ancient Indian temples. They are filled with so-called unnatural sex suggestions.

A few years ago, a partner of mine wanted to have a threesome. She suggested it, and we had a great time. I was approached by another couple to sit and watch them having sex. I did so. It was enjoyable both for them and me.

We despise things which we don’t understand. People with a low level of awareness are always quick to pass judgments. Do not let the world tell you how to enjoy sex. You and your partner are the best judge of it.

Please be aware, I am not asking you to indulge in such actions. I am only educating you that it isn’t out worldly to imagine such fantasies and fetishes. I also understand many of you would be appalled at this moment, reasoning on how toxic this could be. For them, I would say, nothing could be more toxic than buying I-phones and Audis, yet that’s acceptable because television tells you to.

Television also doesn’t want you to use the word “fuck”. It beeps this shit. So either live your life by the terms of the TV or your own. You be the judge of it.

The importance of mutual activities

Undoubtedly sex amounts to more than half of the pie when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships. However, it is not the only ingredient. To make sex enjoyable, you need to also fix other aspects of your relationship. One such crucial point is the activities you enjoy doing together.

Many females complain men spend more time playing video games, boozing, and hanging out with friends instead of spending time with them. Similarly, men have such concerns too.

What’s humorous is most of these couples expect their partners to either chat endlessly over the phone or in person. The first shackle such individuals need to break is an illusion that they are interesting. None of us are interesting enough to hold someone’s attention for long. We are dull and boring. What we do makes us interesting. However, that too will fade away as we cannot entertain others 24 hrs each day.

If your partner enjoys singing or dancing, you cannot expect them to sing and dance 24 hrs. That’s why there’s a stupid box called television in your home.

If you genuinely want to spend more time with your partner, you must do exciting activities together, which both of you enjoy. There could be an activity your partner enjoys a lot, but you do not. You can still develop a necessary tolerance to show a bit of enthusiasm and participation.

There was a time, I was into gaming. There was this specific PS2 first-party shooter game called BLACK, which I loved. My partner wasn’t into gaming. So she came up with a bright idea. She became a lookout. She used to point out targets for me.

Shooter at 10’o clock. Bang went my gun!

Duck, Duck, grenade. I was safe.

This simple hack allowed both of us to spend more time together. In return, despite me hating economics, I agreed to be her study partner.

You need to come up with ways to do more things with your partner rather than resisting their choices and forcing them to act in a manner you want them to.

Watch TV shows together

Go to weekend dance classes.

Workout together.

Go swimming on Sundays.

Meditate while holding hands.

Go on couple yoga retreats.

You must break free from the mindset that you need vacations with your partner. Every day is a vacation if you are a good planner.

Even during these lockdown days, I cycle 70 km every Saturday to see my partner. She makes sandwiches for both of us. We go and enjoy a small picnic in a public park as there are no other activities to do presently. 

Love cannot be manufactured. It needs to be grown organically by your toil.

Are you ready to put in the effort? That’s the million-dollar question!

The importance of sharing responsibilities

Spending time enjoying fun activities together will definitely bring you closer to each other. However, another necessity is sharing household responsibilities. This applies to both those who live together and those who are only dating.

You cannot expect a man to work hard while you enjoy your days watching television. It is not only every person’s responsibility to earn their own living, but each of you must also contribute equally to daily duties.

For couples living together, it’s relatively simple. One day you should cook, and the other day your partner.

If one of you doesn’t know how to cook, then learn. While learning, take care of the other attached responsibilities such as getting groceries, chopping, cleaning, boiling, mashing, and so on.

Similarly, water the plants alternatively. Wash clothes every second day. The list goes on and on.

No one of you should be taking all the responsibilities even voluntarily. It might feel good initially, but it is bound to create issues in your relationship dynamic in the long run. Sharing responsibilities is the only sustainable model in a relationship.

Men, please don’t watch TV while your partner is cooking.

Women, please don’t stay unemployed with the excuse that you are taking care of household responsibilities.

Support each other. Be an equal partner. With so much talk going around equality, its high time couples share equal financial and household responsibilities.

Those not living together need to make sure they are paying for their dates equally. A boy doesn’t need to pay for you. That’s demeaning to you. Similarly, you are not a vacation planner. Therefore every outing doesn’t need to be your headache. Plan together. Have fun together.

Men are not here to shower women with gifts. Women are not supposed to open their legs in return. This is not a healthy model. Do not expect gifts, if you do, then give gifts too. That’s an honorable thing to do.

Be you and let you partner be

Last but not least, despite being a single unit, each of you is a separate individual. Do not allow your partner to influence your life decisions. Who you are and who you should be is entirely your call. Discussion is healthy, mimicking is not.

I have seen couples who, after getting into a relationship, alter their entire fabric. That isn’t healthy. Making a few fundamental changes and upgrades to be more compatible is understandable. However, if all you do is meet your partner’s expectations, the relationship is doomed for sure.

Both of you are supposed to bear witness to the life journey of each other. That doesn’t mean you have to walk the same path. Don’t start drinking just because your partner wants you to. Do not change your hairstyle or dressing sense to meet your partner’s expectations. Discuss. Suggest. Do not manipulate. It’s toxic.

If you cannot love someone the way they are, you are not capable of loving.

You might wanna learn a thing or two about acceptance and resistance before diving into a relationship.

BE you & let your partner be.

Bottomline

It is a child’s play to attain a level of consciousness and get in touch with spirituality sitting in a cave all by yourself. There’s no challenge in it. Being with someone and getting stronger both physically and mentally is the goal one should aim for.

You are not supposed to be alone. You are supposed to be with someone who loves you, cares for you, admires you, respects you, whose gaze alone can pierce your body and melt your soul.

You are supposed to be with someone who will also annoy you, hate you, resent you, yet work towards resolving all those issues.

You are beautiful both inside and out. You deserve a beautiful someone.

BE that beautiful someone for yourself first. Then you will attract the right partner. Do not rush into a relationship to get away from boredom and loneliness. Until you do not accept yourself unapologetically, love yourself for who you are, do not expect anyone else to love you.

A relationship is not a magic pill, which, once swallowed, will change your life. It is tough work.

You need to be there for each other both in good times and tough. Sign up for it only when you are ready.

Do not waste someone’s else time and yours in futile selfish pursuits. If you are not ready to give love, you will not receive love.

Do not assume love to be what doped up poets and fiction writers portray in their work. Telly love is fake love. Real love arises from a pure soul. All else is a selfish need.

Be the person you want to love before expecting someone else to love you!

Hope this helped!

I would request you to share this essay on your social media if you liked it. You are free to accept or deny my request.

See you next week with another novel, fresh, and exciting topic.

Leave comments and suggestions. I need them to improve. 

Also, please signup for my email newsletter to never miss any of my articles!

How’s your life between the sheets? 

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This is why good listeners are more successful

Relationships fail if partners don’t listen to each other. Companies disintegrate if they do not listen to their consumers. Work culture turns toxic if leadership doesn’t listen to employees. Art is worthless if not made while listening to our hearts. We must be better listeners before we can be a better person.

Goodmorning Planet,

How are you? I am doing great.

I have a question to ask. What do you understand by “listening”?

The textbook definition suggests – give one’s attention to a sound.

Is that what listening means to you? 

As we have been told multiple times, hearing means we are in an auto-pilot mode. We are gathering sounds around us but not attentively. While listening is the act of hearing carefully, wherein we devote our self to the source of a sound entirely.

To further simplify, listening makes our lives a little better because when we listen, we are present in a conversation.

We are present in the moment.

We are not lost in a past memory or dreaming of a future event.

We are there, in – NOW.

Being present in a moment changes our life for the better. And that is our topic of discussion for the day.

You don’t listen.

We don’t listen.

We don’t listen as individuals.

We don’t listen as collective units.

Your mother doesn’t listen.

Your siblings are never paying attention.

Your friends pretend to listen as they have their own stories to tell.

Your local politician doesn’t listen.

Your government doesn’t listen.

Your prayers are unanswered.

Your sobs get wasted.

Your cries get muffled. 

All in all, nobody cares about your yap.

We don’t listen. We wait for our turns to speak. 

That’s the only reason we go through this charade of pretending to listen to what the other person has to say.

And I totally get it!

I am not holding you accountable for being a poor listener. Listening isn’t an easy task for anyone. The more chaotic your mind is, the harder it will be for you to listen. 

Listening doesn’t come naturally to us.

We are no longer trained to observe silence, pay attention to essential and non-essential sounds.

If you compare data from the ’70s, you will see a sharp spike in the overall noise levels in the entire galaxy. We are producing tons of megahertz of noise every second. 

With abundant chaos environing us, it is impossible to differentiate between essential and non-essential blabber. So, we decided to shut everything out.

We are no longer stuck in a hunter-gatherer setup. We do not have to spend hours in peace and quiet, relying on our listening abilities to sense the footsteps of an approaching predator.  

We are god-fearing people.

We believe in rituals and worshiping deities.

We visit places of worship to share our list of expectations with our gods very frequently.

Even when we are clueless about our desires, we always have a list of essential objects which we share with our supreme being, hoping that he will assist us and make the pursuit easy.

Ever wondered why all of your prayers go unanswered?

Simply because no one is listening!

The god you are praying to doesn’t lie in a place of worship. It lies within you. It continuously speaks to you. Lays down paths for you to walk.

You never hear him, because you have lost your ability to listen to those voices/sounds/patterns. Now, the profound art of listening has been degraded to a base level communication where a speaker will share his so-called vital feelings, and the listeners will wait for their turns to speak.

This is what listening has been reduced to. 

We no longer listen to ourselves.

We do not listen to our bodies.

We do not listen to our minds.

We do not listen to our soul.

We do not listen to this planet.

We do not listen to the universe.

And, we are least bothered to listen to what the other person is saying.

For centuries we have relied on listening to reveal hidden patterns around us and simplify our lives.

Not anymore!

Now we have degraded ourselves to a big chunk of fart machines. 

We don’t talk. We don’t speak. We don’t communicate. We fart!

That’s all we do – generate incomprehensible unpleasant noises.

We fart!

Today, we will discuss the importance of listening in improving the quality of your life and the lives of the people around you. 

We will begin with the first event which occurred in this universe.

The BIG BANG!

For fuck’s sake, the very first event is named – The Big Bang!

I don’t think I need to emphasize the importance of listening when the event, which resulted at the beginning of our stories, is described as a loud noise.

The universe spoke. We listened. Life began.

Centuries passed by, we lost the art of listening. Now, we are miserable, suffering deeply, always in pain.

A simple act of listening attentively can magically transform our lives.

How?

That’s what we will explore today.

Somewhere in the middle of 2017, I used to own an art studio in the heart of Delhi – Malviya Nagar. A few months ago, my debut novel – Broken Radio – had released. I was living a dream life, hoping that this will be a new beginning. 

For the first time in my life, I was appreciated for my words and thoughts.

Before becoming an author, in my previous roles, I was recognized several times, either because of my skills to drive results or my ability to meet deadlines. However, writing is an altogether different ecosystem.

When it comes to any form of art, there are no set metrics on which you can be judged. 

Even art schools do not grade students on a long list of set parameters.

Art is extremely personal. 

I remember an episode of Seinfeld. If you haven’t ever watched Seinfeld, you must. It is one of those brilliant comedies which won’t just make you go ROFL but also uplift you as a person. It is an excellent piece of work by renowned comedian Jerry Seinfeld. 

In Seinfeld, we have a unique character named Kramer.

Kramer is either an eccentric genius or maybe just some ruffian bottomfeeder, depends on your outlook. Now, I am a little foggy on the details, but the way I remember it is either Kramer conned a painter into creating a giant portrait of himself or the painter got mesmerized with Kramer and created one. 

Nonetheless, the outcome is a brilliant painting of Kramer.

When the painting is unveiled to an art patron couple, they have brazenly contrasting views about it.

The women: I sense great vulnerability, a man-child crying out for love, an innocent orphan in the post-modern world.

The man: I see a parasite—a sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges.

And it goes on and on and on….

You might want to watch this tiny clip, laughs guaranteed.

The point I am trying to make is there isn’t a formula to define art. Art is personal, and that applies to any form of art, whether it be music, cinema, painting, poetry. The success of art is based upon audiences’ perception.

Bukowski, the infamous literary avalanche, was considered a fucked up writer with no class. Today, there isn’t a modern piece of art that isn’t inspired by Bukowski in some manner or the other. All of these nihilist heroes (angry young men) whom you adore on the silver screen, smoking, gambling, and wasting their lives away, in love with their pain and suffering, are in some manner or other inspired by Bukowski’s alter ego – Henry Chinaski. 

Dostoyevsky, the genius & the gambler who penned down the most complicated literary works, wasn’t celebrated during his lifetime. So-called literary geniuses weren’t too impressed with his work. They didn’t even enjoy hanging out with him. He wasn’t invited to their grand parties. Now, his work is considered as the most brilliant representation of our inner struggle. Today petty writers like me pray to Dostoyevsky for strength and courage. It takes great courage to rise above our mediocrity, pain, misery, suffering, to create art.

Someone posed a question to Jordan Peterson about how to truly judge art. His response was to wait for a few centuries. If people talked about a piece of work even when centuries have passed, it is truly genius.

So, while being alive, there is absolutely no way to be sure whether what you are creating in the name of art is beauty or just random crap. We need to rely on other people’s feedback to ascertain our worth. Even a flawed writer like me can be proud of his work if there is one single person to whom my work spoke.

If we can touch a single life through our art, it is worth all the pain and suffering.

I try to upload videos frequently on YouTube and my social media channels.

An acquaintance once asked how do I motivate myself to create videos when I only get 100-150 views?

I chuckled. I said 100-150 people are watching my work, listening to me, reading what I write. That matters to me.

For you, its just 150 views.

For me, these are 150 people who have taken out their precious time to interact with something which I created. I feel proud that 150 people watch it. It is an achievement for me. 

It is not about numbers.

It has never been about numbers.

It has always been about influencing lives positively and destroying beautifully decorated chains of slavery.

It’s about liberating the human mind & soul.

It is not about numbers.

That’s not how you grade art.

That’s not why you create art – to get viewership.

You create art because it serves as an escape from your misery.

You create art to breathe, to live, to exist.

It has never been about numbers.

So, once again, there isn’t a formula to define art. Art is timeless.

If my words can transform or help one individual, I consider myself blessed. 

A painting that I admire might be a piece of crap for you. 

A novel that you cherish might be utterly stupid in my understanding.

A poetry which I find profound, you might consider it shallow.

A person whom I regard as a genius might be a pretentious fuck as per you.

An ideology that I find liberating might be constricting per your understanding.

It is all about perspective.

So, coming back to 2017, I had released my book. I leased a building and created a dream art studio for myself. I used to stay in isolation and create art the entire day. On a good day, I wrote a minimum of 7-8 thousand words and destroyed one canvas.

It was an ecstatic experience. 

The only trouble was I felt alone. I was too lonely.

I did have visitors now and then, folks who enjoyed my work. They shared kind words, and I listened attentively to praises.

However, I was least bothered about anything else that anyone said.

If it was about my work, I was all ears.

Anything else was dull woo-woo for me.

Mumbo Jumbo that didn’t deserve my attention.

As weeks passed by, this became my default setting. 

Before this, I was always a good listener. I paid attention. It was never about me blabbering my thoughts. It was about striking a meaningful conversation. 

But now, it became all about myself.

Even if I was listening to others, my mind was busy framing the next set of sentences that I could puke. 

For instance, a friend brought over his colleagues at my place. One of them was a naive 22-year-old guy who was in love with his job and thoroughly enjoyed his high pay scale. He shared details about his career.

A good listener should have appreciated his enthusiasm and acknowledged his journey, maybe wished him good luck for the future. But not me. I wasn’t a good listener then. I had to make everything about myself. 

I began a rant against consumerism and toxic corporate culture. I had no idea the impact my words could have on that poor soul. I wrecked his narrative. I made him feel bad about what he did. I became a bully, then. 

After puking shit out, I felt relieved, but that guy had a bad awakening.

A few days later, I was told that he became depressed and stopped going to work.

I have yet not forgiven myself for being so toxic to someone who deserved a sanctuary.

This is why listening is essential.

If we do not listen and wait for our turns to speak, we are making everything about ourselves. It makes us less considerate to others, unkind to some extent. We get driven by false ego and attempt to uplift ourselves by demeaning others.

It is toxic for us and people around us.

Relationships fail if partners don’t listen to each other.

Companies disintegrate if they do not listen to their consumers.

Work culture turns toxic if leadership doesn’t listen to employees.

Art is worthless if not made while listening to our hearts.

A journalist’s integrity is compromised if he/she doesn’t listen to the truth.

Kids turn into bullies if their parents don’t listen.

Partners cheat because they feel unheard.

Employees leave when they realize there isn’t anyone who is paying attention to what they say.

We change brands if they do not evolve after listening to our feedback.

Our cognitive abilities deteriorate if we do not listen to our thoughts.

This entire universe will collapse if we continue this trend.

We must be better listeners before we can be a better person.

Fortunately, I got back to my old self and started listening again.

Shortly after the incident mentioned above, I packed my bags and left for Kashmir to research for a new book. In Kashmir, I found myself among people who valued the importance of community. Everyone was empathetic to each other’s suffering and always listened to one another. The novelty of the experience shut my mouth and opened my ears.

I was experiencing something which I had only witnessed in a diluted manner on a television screen. Observing first-hand atrocities put me on the back seat, reuniting me with my listening self.

Not everyone gets such second chances. A lot of us spend our lifetimes only hearing and forming our narratives to vomit the next chance we get.

We are so impulsive that we do not even wait for the other person to complete explaining/narrating their side. We like predators, wait for the speaker to take a breath so that we could talk. 

We talk over other people.

We interrupt others.

We barely hear what they say.

We never paraphrase.

All we care for is dominating the conversation.

I remember during my corporate slavery days, whenever I used to approach a leader to share a problem, they made no eye contact. They didn’t interrupt, but we can sense when we are being heard. And I am positive, they were not listening.

In toxic corporate cultures, leaders are coached to nullify an employee’s concern. Acknowledging a concern will require work on their part. And this is no surprise that we do not want to work. Maybe 2% of us do, but 98% of us just want a paycheck. We will get distraught if that doesn’t arrive. 

It won’t matter if we are not delivering results.

What matters for us is to get paid. 

To be successful in any avenue of life, you must listen.

If you want to nurture a relationship, you must listen to your partner.

If you want to raise successful children, you must listen to them.

If you wish to get healthy, you must listen to your body.

If you want to achieve glory, you must listen to your thoughts.

If you want to build an empire, you must listen to your advisors, employees, and consumers.

Even someone as stupid as Trump listens to his advisors.

Authoritarian Modi listens to his parent ideological institution RSS.

If failed individuals can listen, we still have the upper hand.

We haven’t sold our souls yet.

Hope, I made a convincing case.

Before I reveal to you a zillion benefits of listening, let’s decode the art of listening.

First of all, listening doesn’t mean paying attention using your sensory organs. (in this case your ears)

Listening is an art. It involves every fabric of your physical and spiritual being. You will need to be present in the moment to listen.

It isn’t an easy task. That explains why people don’t listen.

How to listen:

There are three stages to listening.

  • Listening To The Speaker
  • Paraphrasing
  • Talking

These three elements combined flawlessly will then reciprocate a healthy conversation.

Let’s understand each element.

Listening To The Speaker

The first step is listening, which means paying attention to the speaker’s words, eyes, expressions, body language, and breathing patterns.

Whenever a person is talking apart from spoken words, there are a bunch of other things you need to pay attention to. Words are easy to catch. Even when distracted or disoriented, chances are pretty high that you will correctly get a gist of what the other person is trying to communicate.

Until and unless you are absent, meaning your physical body is in front of the speaker, but your monkey mind is busy swinging from one branch of thought to the other, you won’t miss much.

But this is where most of us go wrong.

When people communicate honestly, they are not speaking only through words. Their entire body is communicating. They are expressing through their eyes, facial expressions, hands, every part of their body.

They will sway forward when they feel empathetic.

They will bend backward while narrating a horrifying experience.

Their hands will be constrained if they sense an unwelcoming response from the listener.

Their arms would open up in a relaxed manner if the listener’s gaze is affectionate.

A ton of emotions will ooze out from the eyes. 

Eyes are a powerful medium of communication. For centuries we have passed messages just by the movement of our eyes.

Even in regular communication, our eyes can give out a lot.

Our brains are split into two sections – the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere.

Vaguely, the left hemisphere contains memories and logic, while the right hemisphere is the creative side which imagines, a dreamer as some may say!

During a conversation, if a speaker is looking to the left, it indicates they are recalling a real experience. If they are looking towards the right, it suggests that they are adding elements of imagination – in short, they are lying.

I am not claiming, this is a thumb rule. However, multiple researchers agree with this. 

Adding to the eye movement are hand gestures and broken speech (nervousness).

If the speaker takes long pauses or breaks in the middle of the speech, it can indicate that they are unsure of what they are saying.

Similarly, their facial expressions, their muscle twitches, everything points out to something. 

You do not need to train yourself to observe all of this. Ideally, this should be your default setting.

If you are willingly in a conversation, it is highly disrespectful if you do not listen properly. 

You must be present in the conversation with complete silence.

Listen to the other person, observe their mannerisms, their body language. The only action needed from your end is to maintain eye contact and give verbal nods now and then, to reassure the other person of your mindful listening.

You cannot interrupt and say – sorry for the interruption.

It is obscenely rude. 

While listening, you do not have to create narratives inside your head about what you are going to say next. Even if you are in a debate, trying to prove your point, you cannot stop the other person to share your objections.

Hold your horses!

If you have even a shred of respect for your thoughts, you must respect the other person’s outlook also. Please hear them out.

Once the speaker has completed what they wanted to express, the next step will be paraphrasing.

Paraphrasing

We barely paraphrase. High performing individuals paraphrase but not always. Even they paraphrase only when engaged in a scholarly debate or discussion, not in their daily lives. This is where most of us go wrong.

We do not paraphrase.

Whenever someone is narrating a story, presenting their opinion, making a point, if it is not a scripted output, they use a wholesome bouquet of words. Even if it is concise and you feel that you grasped all of it, there is no way to be sure. Therefore, paraphrasing is optimal for your conversations. Else, we will keep on running around in circles, unable to comprehend the essence of each other’s words.

If you paraphrase, not only can you verify whether you correctly interpreted what the other person is trying to communicate, but you also lay the groundwork on which you can start forming your part of the speech. 

There is a universal challenge of articulation. There’s no surprise that we have not only lost the art of listening, but our speech is also compromised. 

We rape words continuously. 

Juggle incomprehensible slangs.

Communicate in broken speech.

Jumble our word order.

Use excessive fillers.

All in all, most of us bark.

A listener’s job is to identify the melody in all that chatter and then comprehend the real meaning. 

Due to such poor articulation by most of us, it is more than essential now than ever to paraphrase; else, we will not understand the core of someone’s speech. 

Wife: I don’t like a bit that you come home late every evening drunk. I do not have groceries for the morning breakfast. I have to wake you up daily and request you to go grocery shopping. While you are out picking groceries because I don’t have much to do, I get anxious waiting for you—that kind of screws up my entire day. I am unable to focus at work, and my boss is not happy with my performance. My life is getting shitty with each passing day.

Husband:

Response 1Should we see a doctor for your anxiety?

Response 2How about we stock groceries for the entire week on Sunday, will that make things better?

Response 3Hmm, if you are not enjoying your job, why don’t you switch to a different company?

Response 4I think we need a baby. You are too lonely.

Response 5What I understand is my alcoholism is driving you crazy. I don’t think it is a healthy practice for me to get drunk every day. Can we talk about this in detail? Maybe I need a little assistance from you to figure out what’s going wrong. Will you help me, please, honey?

Which one of these is the right response?

Yes, you guessed it right. It’s the fifth one!

It’s always us who is at fault. Fixing ourselves can fix everything. 

If you will not paraphrase and jump to your part of the speech, you will never be able to understand the other person’s pain point. You will diminish their argument in your small-mindedness, giving way to alienation and unpleasantness.

Listen attentively.

Paraphrase.

And then talk!

Your speech

After you have attentively listened and paraphrased to understand, comes everyone’s favorite part of the conversation. Now, you are free to talk!

But remember, just because you can talk doesn’t mean you have to.

Most of the conversations do not need much input from your end.

People want to share, and you will be amazed to see how open even strangers can be. 

Speaking is also a manner in which we straighten our thoughts.

A lot many influential speakers do not prepare their talks in advance. They are present in the moment and improvise as per the audiences’ pulse. 

If you do not have anything ultra-relevant to contribute, refrain from speaking just for the sake of it. If you have listened, then you must have identified the goal of the conversation.

Either the person is trying to share their misery.

Or, they will be expressing a moment of profound happiness.

Sometimes, people just talk to kill the silence.

Many times, they are trying to figure out a solution to their problems.

Intellectuals discuss ideas. Such conversations demand your input.

Others just require you to play the role of a listener.

If someone is sharing their misery, you do not need to top their experience with your personal stories.

Woman: Hey, my purse got snatched today morning.

Man: Yeah, we live in a terrible society. You know what happened a year ago. I was coming back from a party at 2 am, and two boys came in front of my car. They wore hoodies and had a baseball bat in their hands. They tried to stop me. I feared for my life. I ran my car over them. I was not going to bow down to hooliganism. (yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap)

Ideally, the person was supposed to probe more details.

Acknowledge.

Empathize.

Maybe talk about the next steps—future strategies to avoid such experiences. But no, we just won’t leave a chance to make everything about ourselves. 

Every conversation needs to be about Me, me, and me alone.

I have been there, done that, hence I speak from experience. 

Guys, you do not have to do so. 

Just listen and listen some more. 

Listening will open you to new possibilities that you never thought existed.

Listening will help you improve current relationships, including your relationship with yourself. 

Listening will help you foster new friendships and bonding.

If you do not listen, you end up missing on so much of life that it is not even worth living. 

We are not unhappy because the world doesn’t listen to us.

We are miserable because we don’t listen to ourselves and others.

Listening can uplift us from our chaotic state to a stable platform.

Here are few never discussed benefits of listening –

  • Listening improves your cognitive abilities.
  • Listening reduces anxiety and stress.
  • Listening helps you to be more mindful of the present.
  • Listening promotes healthy habits.

Listening improves your cognitive abilities

We use our cognitive abilities to deal with the problems we face. We have a very limited daily cognitive bandwidth. If we exhaust it early in the day, our days will appear as an endless ordeal. We need to ensure that we preserve our energy and not expend it unnecessarily. 

Most of our daily lives occur in loops. We do the same set of activities over and over again. With time we develop habits, so, we do not have to invest energy in executing basic tasks. We can then use our cognitive abilities to solve critical issues that can improve our lives and the lives of others. 

Now imagine this.

You are in the habit of making your daily breakfast. You have a set ritual. You chop first, followed by cooking. Suppose one day, your knife loses its charm, and you cannot chop. Now, your mind panics. It is used to operate in a set fashion, and that course is broken. For our minds, this is a significant disruption. It will unleash a storm of anxiety, irritating you to the core. If you are not listening to yourself, you will give in the chaos and either go to work empty stomach or use tons of energy trying to find an alternate. 

This might sound like a petty issue to many of you. But trust me, an anxious mind blows everything out of proportion. I have seen people ruin their days for lesser shit than this. 

However, if you are listening to yourself, you will acknowledge your inner feelings, only to paraphrase and probe yourself – so, what you are saying is my day is ruined because my knife is not sharp enough? That doesn’t sound right. How about I just boil my veggie instead, it would require lesser energy. 

There you go. You solved a problem without banging your head on a wall.

You did not expend your cognitive bandwidth unnecessarily, and you are ready to take on the world. 

Listening is not limited to others. 

It begins at home.

The home of your soul – You.

The first step is to listen to ourselves, acknowledge, and paraphrase. Once you do so, you will see a pattern of panic in your thoughts.

With the right acknowledgment, you can control your feeble self and make it stronger. 

Buddhist monks do not speak. They barely talk.

The reason is their sense of tranquility.

They do not have to chatter endlessly because they can easily sense underlying emotions.

Some people talk when they are sad.

Some when they are nervous.

Some talk to express happiness.

Some to terrorize.

Those who listen to themselves, talk to the higher being inside them.

That being at present is buried beneath tons of subconscious rubble.

You will need to sort it out.

The first step is to listen to your breath.

Your heartbeat.

The sound of your beating heart – lub dub lub dub lub dub dub

Once you are in sync with yourself, you won’t waste in the mindless chatter of imaginary problems. You will listen to what is essential, leading to enhanced cognitive abilities. 

Your focus will improve. You will be more confident. Your productivity will increase—all in all, better cognitive abilities.

Listening reduces anxiety and stress.

Anxiety happens when we are in uncertain waters. Anything which doesn’t have a set outcome sends our mind in panic mode. It starts weaving possible outcomes. There are always a million of those.

So, you imagine countless outcomes of a given event you are involved in.

We also have a negative bias to protect us from danger. Therefore most of these possible outcomes will be negative, further fuelling panic and anxiety.

All in all, this happens because we are not listening to ourselves and others. 

If you listen to others, they often share remarkable insights about their issues. You can very well learn a lot from anyone, even your adversary, if you are paying attention.

If you are carefully listening to your thoughts, not just chasing them, you will develop intuition.

Your subconscious is highly potent and has a binary configuration to solve any problem you might face. But at the same time, you need to identify the right idea.

I create content for a US-based cannabis company.

I am their subconscious.

Whenever they need a creative, I, at least, provide 7-10 options. 

They pick the best one.

In this case, they are you. And your mind is me.

Your mind will continue to give you countless options, and few of them will be apt for a situation, but you need to listen to the way these thoughts feel.

Which one made your stomach ache?

Which one added to your frustration?

Which one made your eyes shine?

Which one made your calves quiver?

Which one made you calmer?

A seemingly tricky path.

An overly complicated way out.

Or a well thought, tough to execute but an intelligent solution.

If you are not listening, you are wasting energy, damaging both your mind and body.

The anxious mind will keep on pumping cortisol (stress hormone) in your veins.

A few minutes later, catastrophic fear will consume you.

Your amygdala (fear sensor) will start throbbing.

Your body will think of it as a sign to fight or flee.

It will begin to pump adrenaline; you won’t be able to sit idle.

You will start shaking your legs, fiddling your fingers, smoking a pack of cigarettes, until you are too exhausted even to think.

Why go through all of this daily?

Save this for the actual crisis. 

Today just listen.

Breathe and pay attention.

Acknowledge, paraphrase, and strategize.

That’s all!

Listening helps you to be more mindful of the present.

Whenever we are not focused on the task at hand, all we do is time travel.

We go back to an incident in the past, whether joyful or depressing, mostly depressing, or we will plan for the unknown future, that too not in a constructive manner.

We are not noting down anything.

We are not preparing a strategy.

It’s mindless strolling.

If we replace this with being in the present, our lives can change for the better.

Imagine you are sitting in a room. But you are not sitting in the room.

You are thinking about a toxic ex. 

How they ruined your life!

Dwelling on it for some time, you start imagining a future with Nargis Fakhri or Sunny Leone. 

You are not in the room.

You need to be in the room.

You need to be in the present.

Try this wherever you are, right now!

Listen to all the sounds around you.

The ticking of the clock.

The electronic hum of the fan or the ac.

The humming sound of your PC’s motherboard.

The non-audible buzz of your phone. 

The sound of the breeze.

You will be surprised to find that once you practice this for five minutes every day – just listening, plain listening, you will stop being a psychonaut.

If you are not worried about the past or the future, you can pay attention to what is essential in the present.

Now look around you, what do you see – Is your room in order?

Is it clean and sorted?

Check those unpaid bills lying in the corner. 

How about you clear them today? They have been pending till long.

What about that book lying on the table. You promised to finish it three weeks ago.

How about you read the book.

Slowly and gradually, as the days will pass, you will not dwell on the past, which doesn’t matter. Or worry about a future you have no control over.

You will start living in the present to its full, making small improvements to yourself and your surrounding, leading to a better future automatically. 

You don’t need to be a pendulum and keep on swinging between the past and the future.

Be here.

Be now.

Be present.

Listen!

Listening promotes healthy habits.

Habits are activities that we do so often that we no longer need to pay any attention to them.

Habits are an excellent way for the mind to preserve precious energy and stabilize the mental spectrum. 

Habits run in an auto-pilot mode needing no assistance from us. 

As much as they are helpful, they can also be toxic in case of bad habits.

Consider smoking, for example.

Countless smokers have no idea what their triggers are or why do they smoke. 

We repeatedly talk about nicotine addiction. We discuss how difficult quitting nicotine smoking is. We have already conditioned ourselves that quitting smoking is an impossible task. Many of us do not even attempt to break free from such toxic habits.

Overthinking is also a toxic habit. So is any sort of addiction.

Once we have mastered the art of listening and we are present in the moment, we will be able to see things that we do not ideally.

We will be able to see how we make our habit of smoking so convenient that it become a natural act.

Smokers always carry smokes and light with them.

If they stop carrying smokes, higher are the chances that their mind won’t send them on an extra stroll of buying cigarettes every time they feel a craving. Many smokers can reduce their smoking just by not carrying with them the medium of their destruction.

If we take the right efforts, we can get rid of any toxic habit.

All we need to do is listen to our bodies.

When we feel a craving to smoke, we start losing focus.

Our heart rate spikes and we feel unable to do anything in the right manner before satisfying this craving first.

Sex addicts often end up having 5-6 intercourses daily to satisfy this feeling.

If we are listening to our bodies, we will be able to hear the rustle of our lungs, which signifies its rotting from within. Every puff of a cigarette makes our chest clogged and breathing heavy.

We never pay attention because we are not in the moment.

We are not listening to our bodies.

If we do, we will realize how much pain our body goes through each time we smoke.

We will sense the loss of energy and the utter wastage of time.

A nicotine addict assumes that all he is losing are 10-15 minutes. But that’s an incorrect assumption. The reality is horrifyingly bleak.

Not only smokers lose precious minutes, but smoking also drains a lot of their energy. Each smoke reduces our work efficiency by 20-25 minutes (also dependent on the diet of the person).

Which means someone who is smoking 8-10 cigarettes every day, is losing somewhere around 3.5 hours daily. This time alone, if invested in self-development, can help anyone reach unscaled heights. 

The same is the case with overthinkers. They spend around 4-5 hours every day dwelling on unimportant thoughts. Even if their thoughts are consumed by something crucial, their problem-solving skills get compromised due to brain exhaustion. The outcome is an utter waste of time and energy. 

Instead of overthinking, if we listen to our inner being who always guides towards the right path, we can solve the most critical issues in minutes.

And like any other skill, you cannot improve your listening overnight. It is going to take time. 

Patience is critical to quit bad habits and instill new ones.

If you wish to live a fulfilling life, better listening skill is a must.

Regular mindfulness practice can assist you in developing and mastering listening to self and others.

Plants talk to you

Breezes have something to say

That bee on the flower hums for you

The flowing river calls your name

The mountains robustly communicate

This whole universe has something to say.

You are missing on life if you are not listening!

Pay attention, buddy.

Relax and listen!

That will be all for the day. My fingers hurt. 

See you next week with a brand new essay.

Please share your feedback and suggestions.

If you think this essay can help somebody get their life in order, I will request you to share it on your social media. But you are free to accept or refuse my request.

Have an explosive day!

Tata.  

Importance of Eating Healthy During COVID-19

A balanced diet is the key to a healthy mind and a strong body. Are you eating healthy?

A balanced diet is the key to a healthy mind and a strong body. Are you eating healthy?

Goodmorning Planet,

We are in the middle of a COVID-19 pandemic. It is a crisis of colossal magnitude. The outbreak began in Wuhan, China. Now in the Chinese language, Crisis stands for both danger and opportunity.

We all agree that we are staring in the face of impending danger. However, let me tell you how you can use this as an opportunity to uplift yourself from the present situation to a favorable outcome.

I am sure you are taking the necessary precautions to prevent the spread of coronavirus. We are the most resilient species on this planet. In the past, we have successfully conquered:

15th Century and earlier

· Plague

· SmallPox

· Sweating Sickness

16th – 17th Century

· Plague

· SmallPox

· Yellow Fever

· Measles

18th Century

· Plague

· SmallPox

· Yellow Fever

· Measles

· Influenza

· Epidemic Typhus

19th Century

· Yellow Fever

· Malaria

· Bubonic Plague

· SmallPox

· Cholera

· Influenza

· Typhus

20th Century

· HIV/Aids

· Meningitis

· Nipah

· Dengue

21st Century

· SARS

· Ebola

· Zika

· Corona

You see the trend here!

There will always be an evolved virus that would assume that its better than us. Kill a lot of us! But in the end, we beat the shit out of it. History repeats itself. This, too, shall pass!

This is just Mother Nature’s way to settle scores. Survival of the fittest, you know!

Have you ever wondered why during such outbreaks, a lot of us die, and few of us are safe?

You can point out these few factors:

· Few are lucky – Absolutely wrong, luck has no role to play.

· Geographical isolation – Ok, makes sense.

· Personal isolation – Ok, this too.

· Access to advanced medication – Partially, but okay

· Better immune system – There you go, this is what I was waiting for!

Absolutely my friend. Bingo! You figured this shit out.

People with compromised immune systems are always the first target of viruses and pathogens. Second, are those with weak immune systems. And, healthy ones like that awesome looking guy/gal whom you secretly adore because of their healthy skin and perfect fit bod are the last ones. Even if healthy individuals get in contact with deadly viruses, their immune system can fight, and their chances of survival are much better than others. Even the HIV virus can be kept in check by practicing a healthy lifestyle.

My blogs are always around the theme of health – be it mental wellness, physical fitness, or attached metrics like discipline, productivity, and efficiency…

Today we are going to discuss how healthy eating is essential for a healthy lifestyle. However, before we begin, I want to share a story with you all.

It is September 2020. Aqsa and Aparichit are incredibly excited to meet each other after nine months. Aparichit met Aqsa in a creative writing workshop somewhere in January.

Whenever you are around people, you can always sense their presence either by their mannerisms, their body language, the way they dress, their speech, or something as rudimentary as the color of their skin and their looks.

Whenever you are around people, you can always sense winning personalities, charismatic individuals, legends, history-makers, average Joes’ and the losers.

Aparachit was in his early twenties, and so was Aqsa. After an hour of learning about the basic elements of writing, every participant was invited to read out their writeups.

Aparichit is perfect in every aspect of his personality. He is attractive, articulate, sensible, caring, and emotionally intelligent. Adding to all of these near-perfect traits is the fact that he is a fabulous storyteller. He had written a remarkable piece, and when he was invited, he confidently narrated his writeup, mesmerizing both the participants and the lecturer.

When you are around people, you know who’s exceptional and who’s regular. When Aqsa stood up and began to narrate her writeup, there was total silence in the room. As cliche as this might sound, Aparichit’s heart did skip a few beats.

Aqsa was perfect in every manner. Her tiny waistline complimented her broad shoulders. Her long, blonde hair fell just a little above her curvy, toned ass. Her intoxicating fragrance was enough to knock out a bunch of adolescent teenagers. Her writing had a dark, witty sense of humor, adding meaning to her otherwise Perfect Barbie personality.

Well, what do you think happened next?

Smoking Hot Sex!

You wish. No, but yes, they fell in love.

Aqsa belonged from Kashmir, and Aparichit was from Jammu. Everything went as a fairy tale for the next few weeks as both the lovers got to know each other.

Somewhere, at the end of February 2020, Aparichit was called home by his mother as she was a little unwell. She had a small back injury, and it got worse in the winters. She wanted Aparichit to be around to feel some relief seeing her adorable son nearby. Mothers are like that. They want to give us freedom and long to trap us in their misery too. Aparichit left for his hometown.

Few weeks down the line COVID-19 spread rapidly, and both Aqsa and Aparichit, along with million others, were confined in their homes. While the power-hungry governments failed to protect the people and instead focussed their resources to turn the country into a surveillance state, our two love birds longed desperately for each other.

As months passed, Aparichit saw a change in Aqsa’s behavior. She was mostly morbid and always sounded gloomy. She had stacked up a ton of great habits, which helped her maintain a spellbinding personality. Somehow the lockdown had put a stop to her life. She couldn’t visit her gym. The swimming pool was closed. Her dance classes were suspended. She also had to compromise on her diet. There was no Zumba, no Aerobics, and no social contact at all.

Aparichit tried to play the role of a good boyfriend and listened to her complain for hours. He shared a few easy tips around how she could substitute her habits with similar habits while staying inside her home. He asked her to attempt workout at home, eat healthy, read, stay away from social media, especially the toxic accounts, but his advice fell to deaf ears. Aqsa was extremely reluctant to break free from her new found bad habits. Her days began at 10 am and the first thing she did was check her phone. Social Media and News were filled with propaganda shit and she got in a habit of waking up with a negative mindset. Beyond that due to lack of options, she continued eating junk throughout the day and had no impulse control. Aparichit tried  to help her see clearly but see didn’t seem to be interested in breaking away her comfort cycle. After few attempts, he gave up. They started speaking less with each passing day.

An incredibly bright dawn follows every dusk. We, as humans, beat the shit out of COVID-19. The failed government, too, was happy as now they had more control than they dreamt of. They could now lock people up just because they posted something as simple as highlighting the failure of the authorities in managing the crisis and the blatant mismanagement of funds. So, in a nutshell, everything was back to normal.

It is September 2020. Aqsa and Aparichit are incredibly excited to meet each other after nine months. After waiting with restless anticipation, Aparichit saw Aqsa enter the funky cafe in CP. This version of Aqsa was not the version Aparichit fell in love with. She was obese. Her appearance was unattractive; she didn’t look like a winner. Even a stranger could sense that she had low self-esteem, and adding to this awful deteriorating flabby human flesh was a distinct smell of the depressed.

What do you think happened next?

Aparichit must have supported her and then brought her back to her winning personality. Yeah!

Well, no. This is not a Disney Movie. This is real life. Aparichit left the cafe and broke up with her over a text. And I am glad he did so.

Aparichit fell in love with a person who is not themselves anymore. Life doesn’t give you second chances. Even if it does, it is because of your commitment and efforts, not because you deserve it or because it is fair. The universe doesn’t operate on the principle of fairness. It works on action and results. If you want something, you put in the effort, and you bring desired results. You fail. You learn. You revise your strategy, and you begin Round 2.

It is alright that Aqsa grew fat. Anyone can. What wasn’t alright was her losing her winning attitude. If she had her confidence intact, maybe it was worth giving her a chance. Maybe Aparichit would have supported her get back to her old groove. But she lost it altogether.

Anyone can win when the circumstances are right. Those who maintain their calm during tough times deserve to win.

Hope this story acted as an eye-opener for all of you who have taken a back seat on your wellness.

Now, we will resume discussing the importance of eating healthy.

What is a healthy diet

A lot many Dietary & Nutritional experts have gone bald trying to figure out the exact definition of a Healthy Diet. Maybe, because of our dynamic lifestyle and such different cultural practices focussing on a variety of different eating habits, there isn’t a concrete definition. I personally believe that anything which makes you strong and your mind calm is healthy for you.

Now, this might sound vague to you. But then the question remains – Don’t you already know what’s healthy for you?

It will come as a shock to me if even a single person among you is unaware of the textbook definition of healthy food. I mean, who doesn’t know that vegetables, fruits, eggs, sprouts, & lean-meat is healthy, and cola, sugar, excessive fat, carbs & processed food is unhealthy.

We were taught this when we were kids. Who wasn’t paying attention? Oh! It’s you, the pot-bellied guy and the overweight woman. Well, what can I say? I want to say, “You fucked up!” but I will be a little tolerant and say, “It is okay. Let’s begin fresh today. It is never too late.” Okay, so now that I have made you feel a little better, let’s focus!

We will begin with the basics.

There is a lot of conflicting nutrition and diet advice out there. The irony is even I am no expert, yet, once you understand that your food is unique to your personality and previous eating habits, you will be able to identify a dietary pattern that works for you and will help you, irrespective of what that Influencer Food Critic tells you.

I am going to make a generalized statement.

“Anything which doesn’t grow on earth and doesn’t have a mother is unhealthy.”

This should be the base of anything you pick to eat.

  • Chocolates – Do they grow on trees? Does Snickers have a mother? No! So, you can only eat chocolate, maybe once a month. Ideally, you should never. But honestly, I don’t expect much from you. So let’s stick to one chocolate bar each month.
  • Burger & Fries – Oh my God! I can see that drool dripping down from your mouth. Who’s a good boy? You are a good boy! What does a good boy want? The good boy wants burgers and fries and soda. Okay, good boy! But, the question is – Does burger grow on trees? Do chips have mothers? Oh no! Sorry, good boy, you ain’t getting any unhealthy junk food.
  • Apple – You want an apple? Make sure you are not dating a doctor. Else he will be away. Eat apples, oranges, papaya, bananas, pineapple, avocado, dragon fruit…….. Did someone ask why? Well, they grow on trees, you dummy! Whatever grows on trees, is healthy.
  • Eggs & Meat – Eggs & Meat are excellent sources of protein. You need protein both for your brain and body. Therefore you eat eggs and meat. If you are a vegan, substitute these with lentils and pulses, and similar sources of high protein vegetarian food items.
  • Salami – Meat is healthy, but we will ask the same question. Does Salami grow on trees? Does it have a mother? Well, the answer remains no, because its processed food and we don’t eat processed food. Therefore no Salami!

Great, now that we have covered the basics. Let’s get to the expert level. Though your 8-year-old nephew knows all this, yet because you were too busy noticing your recent pubic hair growth when this was being taught to you in the school, and you didn’t pay attention, here we go again.

The fundamentals of healthy eating

There are many extreme diets that you can try. I follow a strict meat and fruit diet due to my unique personal requirements. However, ideally, we all need a balance of protein, fat, carbohydrates, fiber, vitamins, and minerals in our diets to support a healthy body.

Protein gives you the energy to get up and go—and keep going—while also supporting mood and cognitive function. If you don’t want to consume animal products, use plant-based sources of protein each day.

Fat. Not all fat is the same. Bad fats can ruin your health and increase the risk of certain diseases while good fats protect your brain and heart. Add Omega-3 fats into your diet. Indian Ghee is known to give excellent results.

Fiber. Foods rich in dietary fiber (grains, fruit, vegetables, nuts, and beans) promote a healthy gut and heart. Eat sprouts every day.

Calcium. Lack of calcium can add to anxiety, depression, and sleep difficulties. Eat a diet rich in magnesium, vitamins D & K and calcium. Vegetables and dairy products are rich sources of calcium.

Carbohydrates are excellent sources of energy. But only if they are coming from complex, unrefined carbs (vegetables, whole grains, fruit) rather than sugars and refined carbs. Cut back on white bread, pastries, starches, and sugar to reduce rapid spikes in blood sugar, fluctuations in mood and energy, and a build-up of fat, especially around your waistline.

Making the switch to a healthy diet

You might be in the habit of eating donuts for breakfast, burgers for lunch, and pizzas for dinner. Switching to a healthy diet could be troublesome and challenging. However, you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to change everything all at once. It doesn’t work.

A better approach will be making small changes every day. I can suggest you a four-week plan.

Week 1Eat everything and document every meal. Take a diary and make notes about what you ate in breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This practice is called food journaling and have helped many compulsive eaters in the past. Do this till Friday and then check what all can you substitute next week.

Week 2Begin with your substitutions. Replace unhealthy breakfast with sprouts and fruits. Add protein to your lunch. Make your dinner light and never eat after 8 pm.

Week 3You will sense a positive change, and you will be able to identify what more you can get rid from your plate. Reduce every processed item.

Week 4By now, you will have everything figured out. You will see the patterns like Neo saw in the Matrix. You will be able to identify all that was wrong in your plate, and now you are all set to start your healthy eating frenzy. Do not stop food Journaling. It will make sure, you do not fall back to your old patterns of behaviors.

Conclusion

Now I understand that all of this sounds easy. But at the same time, a lot many of you have already started making faces because deep down inside, you know how difficult it is. And, trust me when I say this, I do realize it’s extremely difficult.

We all are wired in a specific manner, wherein we follow a set of habits, and breaking those habits is challenging. If you are someone who is in the habit of eating donuts and ice cream when you feel sad, making yourself understand that it is unhealthy for you in that moment of weakness when you feel like shit, is next to impossible.

I have been there. For countless days, I survived on sugar and processed food because they made me feel good about myself in those moments of despair. A little sugar helped me get some dopamine and avoid suicidal thoughts. If a chocolate bar is helping me avoid jumping from a 12 storey building in Gurgaon, I will eat that chocolate bar, even if that kills me in the longer run.

Nietzsche once said, “He who has a why to live can bear almost anyhow.”

I was only able to change my unhealthy eating habits when I realized that I am in my thirties, and there is no going back. If I don’t straighten my act, I will be a bald, weak, old guy in my 40’s. I wanted a better life, and it made me embrace a healthy lifestyle.

You, too, will need to find your why!

It could be as simple as finding a suitable partner or as complicated as building a million-dollar business. Remember, you are what you consume!

Have you found your why?

How to sustain meaningful relationships

Relationships are challenging.Before understanding complexities involving relationships and how to overcome them, we need to understand if and why we need them.

Good Morning Planet

Before we begin, let’s revisit our understanding of a meaningful relationship. Predominantly there are two sorts of relationships. One is referred to as therapeutic, wherein you enjoy your time together and get healthy. The other one is based on a primate dominance hierarchy in which one party is a slave, and the other one is a master. Such a relationship is mostly considered as unhealthy and damaging.

Let’s pause for a moment. Before understanding complexities involving relationships and how to overcome them, we need to understand if and why we need them. New age kids have found a pseudo mechanism wherein relationships are replaced with short term acquaintance. The Internet has brought people closer, but real feelings are farther distant than they were in medieval ages. The first step towards an amicable solution is understanding the importance of a meaningful relationship. I am going to make a powerful statement – We need people. Yes! Irrespective of how relative we consider freedom of existence, we cannot be totally free from the fundamental genetic, social component. Even a hermit is delighted with an occasional visitor and cherishes a disciple. In the same manner, meaningful relationships nourish us as human beings and help us get better.

Now comes the most challenging part: How to sustain a relationship? I have met countless individuals who have excellent social skills and make friends easily, but none of these relationships last longer than a few months. One must wonder why?

Well, the problem sounds complex, but the solution is too easy. We do not communicate. Communication means listening and then talking efficiently. Most of us in this fast-paced world skip the first step. We do not listen. We wait for our turn to speak. Whenever we meet someone, our primary goal is mostly to acquire dominance. We barely pay attention to what they are saying or feeling or expressing. We focus on putting our point across as quickly as possible. We are quick in brushing off their issues with remarks like – Ya I know, yup life’s difficult, shit happens, blah and blah and blah. What we fail to understand is we are undermining the importance of their personal conflicts and making them feel petty. This, in turn, helps us feel better, and we walk away from the conversation as a confident person. All we are doing is acting like a primate and giving way to our most basic primal urges.

A better way would be listening and trying to learn from the other person. Each individual would have at least one new thing to offer us, if we listen. We can always ask questions to seek clarity. We can always paraphrase. Instead of being on top of the conversation, we can stay in the conversation, and after a few such sessions, both the individuals would have a healthy flow of ideas. So if you really want to have a meaningful relationship unlike baboons: Listen.

That would be all folks!