On Women – By a liar
I am a liar. And, when I say this is the only time I say the truth. This entire text which you will be reading is an honest account of my lies. I do not want you to believe me as I am a liar. Yet, I will continue sharing my truth.
I am a liar.
I loved a woman and I claimed to be a deserving man.
I made vows. Honest vows and I broke those vows, why you ask! Because I am a liar!
Were you not listening!
Please pay attention dear friend, this is crucial as I am bleeding, bleeding out. I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear this. Even if you do not believe my sole truthful account or rather call this a confession, then I might go away from the world without having said a single word of truth.
I resume this honest account by me a liar.
So, there was a woman to whom I claimed (lied to) that I loved her. Profoundly!
It isn’t painful lying. Not initially. Then I felt suffocated. Suffocated in the relationship.
Then I think I tortured her both spiritually, mentally, and maybe a little existentially. And then she had no choice but to leave and then she left. And then before she left, I lied that I will wait for her.
I often lie to myself. Quite frequently.
Once you start lying, you start believing your lies too. It is a spiral. A man who lies to himself is a dangerous man. That man is a failed man.
I am a failed man. I am a lair but please hear my honest account, please do as I am bleeding out and I might not have much time left. You might be the only person who gets to hear my honest account, an honest account by a liar, oh! the irony of this.
So she left and I chased the next beautiful thing that came my way. See, how I casually used the term ‘thing’. It came so naturally. I didn’t use the term woman or person. You see how terrible that is and I claim to my mothers and sisters that I love and respect them while using the term ‘thing’ to describe the female kind. I lie to them.
I am a failed person. I don’t think I can respect anyone as I do not respect myself. Why would I? I am a failed person. I am a lair. Glad I am bleeding out.
Honestly, the world doesn’t need more people like me. It is already fucked up as it is.
So, I did the same to this wonderful woman. Then came the other. And the next one.
No, I am no Casanova. I am a liar.
Lying has its own perks and disadvantages
Perk being you can lie your way in and out into anything you want.
Downside: you start believing your lies. You lose the ability to distinguish false from reality, your reality which is already a virtual construct. But that’s another discussion. I don’t want to get into that at this moment as I am bleeding out.
So after lying to countless women about how beautiful they are and believing the lies at the moment helped me destroy, ravage and act as a savage with many beautiful flowers. I am positive that the term flower is currently being used by me in a sexist manner as I am a degenerate. A spiritual degenerate but nonetheless a degenerate.
Then came a day, I thought I will mend ways. I decided to become whole. I decided to live the lie. I decided to truly love someone and then she left, like everyone before her. And I think I have bled out.
She left leaving me here to bleed out.
What an ending!
This is magnificent.
I am a lair and I deserve to die. And every drop of my blood is in the drains and now I say goodbye and my lying, degenerate, sick heart will stop beating.
Sorry to all but then why would you believe my apology, after all, I am a liar!